More
by Mandy Kay Miller
Summary: The gang moves on to high school, where they are all faced with much more than they can handle, from death, drugs, and drinking to life changing religious decisions.
1. First Day

Monday, September 8, 2003

Lizzie walked into her new school at 10 minutes till 7. It was so huge. How could she ever find her way around it? She glanced back at her locker number on the piece of paper in her hands. 659 in the upper level. Where was that? Where were the stairs? And where were all of her classrooms?

She decided it was a good thing she got there early, or else she may never find her way around. No one was there, she noted. Not even Gordo or Miranda. On her way to where she thought her locker was she passed a few scattered people also wandering the halls, but they didn't look like freshmen like her. They were maybe sophomores, or maybe juniors. Not seniors. The seniors weren't stupid enough to come to school an hour early.

She got to her hallway and followed the trail of lockers, reading each number, until she reached the locker 11 from the end. 659. Her combination was 43-1-48. She put it in slowly and carefully, then tried to lift up the notch. It didn't work. She did it again, and it wouldn't go. Once more she tried, and this time it gave way. _If I have to do it slowly 3 times, I'll never get to class on time,_ she thought to herself. Then she gazed at her new high school locker, somewhat excited. She put in her shelf, then some magnets she'd brought along. She had a mirror, a few pictures of her, Miranda, and Gordo, 2 of her cousin Heather, then some of Josh Hartnett, and then Brooke Nevin. She smiled slightly after they were put up, deciding it was definitely a high schooler's locker. _Her_ locker.

"Hey, beautiful."

Lizzie turned and saw Miranda smiling at her and she smiled back. "Hey, freshman. You excited?"

Miranda nodded. "Definitely. You done here?"

Lizzie put her backpack inside and slammed it shut, then replied, "Sure, let's go to yours."

"Then I wanna see where my classes are," Miranda said as they started walking down the hall. "You know, so I know where to go today. I don't think the upperclassmen'll be of much help."

"Probably not. You seen Gordo?"

"Not yet."

Then a girl came up the stairs that were some distance ahead of them, and started looking at the locker numbers, searching for hers. As the two best friends neared her they recognized Claire Miller.

"Hey," Claire said, sounding welcoming. Lizzie and Miranda looked at her, surprised.

"What?" Lizzie asked.

"I just said hey," Claire replied. "Us freshmen gotta stick together, you know. You guys don't know where 657 is, do you?"

Lizzie pointed in the direction of her own locker. "Way down there. You're 2 away from me."

Claire smiled. "Cool. Then I'll see you at passing period? Maybe sooner?"

Lizzie shrugged. "Sure." Claire left and Lizzie and Miranda continued on their ways.

"Wow," Miranda said. "What just happened?"

Lizzie shrugged. "I don't know, but I'm not gonna be mean to her if she's nice to me. Where's your locker?"

"Right here," Miranda said, stopping in front of one. She punched in her combo and her locker opened on command. She smiled at Lizzie's gaping face and explained, "I've been practicing."

"You _practice_ your combo?" a male voice asked. "Typical freshman."

Miranda and Lizzie turned and smiled at the sight of their third and final unit. "Hey, Gordo," Lizzie said. "You excited for your first – oh, no, wait – _second_ day of high school?"

The cute 14-year-old guy was smirking. "This won't be as bad as the one I went to before, I'm hoping. That one was public, this is private. But I saw elevators, and that isn't a good sign. I've had a bad experience with high school elevators."

"The elevators are only for the handicapped," Miranda informed him. "You won't be using them unless you want to get suspended."

"That's a negative. My parents'd kill me."

"No kidding, Mr. 4.0."

"Hey, I don't have one yet. You two know where 114 is?"

"Locker?"

"No, room. French."

Miranda's eyes widened and she turned her attention from her locker to her friend. "French?! You're in French?!" 

Gordo seemed neutral. "Yeah, so?"

"So am I! What hour do you have it?"

"Same as you. It's only offered first block. Oh, yeah, and that's another thing. We have the block schedule here. Do you know how many classes I have? 4. French, Religion, Advanced Algebra, and PE. If you count Study Hall, I have 5. It's convenient."

"You're in Advanced Algebra?" Lizzie demanded.

Gordo nodded. "I'm one of 3 freshmen. I hear the class is mostly dominated by juniors."

"Have fun."

"Totally. And I'm assuming there won't be many guys in French, either. And PE? That's a freshman/sophomore class. It should be better. However, I'm not looking forward to the showers. Of course, I have that last block, so maybe I could stall. Or even skip the shower entirely. I could shower at home, even. But I guess I can't avoid it forever. I- wow, you guys aren't very talkative today, are you?"

"No, you're just overly so," Lizzie replied. "You're nervous, aren't you?"

"I'm praying this first day isn't as bad as my last first day. But it shouldn't be. This is where my brother went, and he said it's not bad."

"Your brother?" Lizzie asked, confused.

"Half-brother," Miranda put in. "Luke, you mean?"

Gordo nodded. "He said that unless things have drastically changed, I should be fine."

"When did you talk to him?"

"Internet last night."

Gordo had gotten a lot more comfortable about talking about his half-brother Luke, which was a very healthy sign. When he first found out about him, he was ashamed. After that, he didn't really care what other people thought, he was just awkward around the guy. But now it was normal, almost. He didn't even bother to insert the "half" before "brother." He considered Luke part of his family, which was good because it was the only family the college student had ever known.

"So what do you guys wanna do till the bell rings?" Gordo asked.

"I wanna find my classrooms," Lizzie said. "So that I don't have to beg some junior during passing period. Do we have chapel today?"

Miranda nodded. "We usually have it Tuesdays and Thursdays, but they're having it today as a sort of initiation thing or whatever."

"Is chapel optional?" Gordo asked. The two girls looked at him, surprised.

"Why would it be? This is a Christian school."

"Well, it should be. Otherwise they're trying to make the students believe what they want them to believe, and that's unfair to the student. It's stripping the student of his or her rights of free will."

"This is a Christian school," Miranda repeated. "Like I said. Religion class isn't optional."

"That's another thing that makes me mad. I'm Jewish, and I have no use for learning about the Lutheran congregation."

"Then why're your parents sending you here?"

"Cause it's a good school, it's small, I know a lot of people going here, my dad knows someone who teaches here, and I also get a free ride."

"Why?" Lizzie demanded.

"Scholarship."

"Figures."

Gordo smirked. "But personally, I don't see the point. I get to go for free at your average public school, too. What's the difference?"

"Quit complaining; we're here, aren't we?"

"That's another thing. You guys aren't Christian, what are you doing here?"

Lizzie paused. "I honestly don't know why. I guess that whole knowing a lot of people coming here is a factor, and my parents also did pull out the 'nice school' reason."

Miranda nodded. "Lots of successful people come out of here. One girl went to Mayo Clinic."

"I didn't hear that," Gordo said.

"Here's the next one," Lizzie said, pointing to Gordo. "He's going on to Harvard."

Gordo made a face. "It's a nice school, but it's also a nice _law _school. Law isn't my thing."

"Wow," Miranda stated. "You _do_ have high standards. Harvard isn't good enough for you, Gordo?"

"Something like that."


	2. Pressing Boundaries

A/N: after reading enough of my fanfiction, you begin to realize that if there's one thing you can count on, it's me forgetting a disclaimer. Which will be deadly someday, I'm sure.

Disclaimer: I don't own Lizzie McGuire, am in no way affiliated with Disney, and while I do love Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I don't own that, either. I really don't own much of anything.

Monday, September 8

Gordo and Miranda walked into the French room minutes early. Once they were in there, they looked around and then sat down in desks next to each other. From the looks of it, it seemed most of the students were in the class already. Gordo had been right about his original assumption; he was one of very few guys in this class. One of 5, to be more exact. After the bell rang, the announcements came on, and once they were done, the teacher stood and looked at them.

"Welcome to French One!" she said, standing up. "Let's start with devotions, shall we?" Gordo couldn't resist rolling his eyes at hearing about it. He repeated to himself his theory, that it was practically stripping a student's rights to force them to listen to devotions and religion class and chapel.

"Does everyone have an NIV Bible? Raise your hand if you forgot one."

_I didn't forget one, I just don't have one,_ Gordo thought. He raised his hand and, to his surprise, Miranda didn't. She instead pulled out a Bible of her own. When did she get a Bible? Sanchezs weren't Christian.

The teacher handed Gordo a Bible from the shelf. "You can use this one today, but bring one from home tomorrow. Each day you don't have a Bible in class I'll deduct a point from your percentage. It won't hurt you if you only forget it once or twice, but if it's a reoccurring thing, it _will_ hurt." She continued devotions by giving them a passage to look up, they read it and talked about it, and then class began. It was a typical class, and didn't seem extremely hard much to the relief of the students. Then the bell rang, and everyone leapt out of their seats. They now had 4 minutes to get to the auditorium, where chapel was.

Gordo and Miranda parted so that they could get to their lockers, and they promised they'd try to find each other and Lizzie before chapel. Gordo rushed to his locker, put his books in it, and quickly wondered if he'd need books for his next class, Religion. He would. He'd need a Bible which he didn't have, a binder, and a pen. He took out his 3-ring binder and ripped a pen out of the front pocket of his backpack, then went into the auditorium. He knew where that was because he'd passed it this morning. Once he was in there he couldn't find either Lizzie or Miranda, and feeling like a dork standing while everyone else was sitting, he finally sat down next to Ethan Craft and some other guys from their grade school.

"Hey, Gordon," Ethan said. "How was your first class?"

"Fine. What about yours?"

"Eh, not the best. Pretty boring."

"You have to expect that. It's 85 minutes."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Then he was quiet when the principal, Mrs. Halden, took the mic and began talking. She began with the typical: we're happy to see so many people returning from previous years, and we also welcome all the new faces of the freshmen and transfer students. When she said "Freshmen" there were some scattered boos, but they were quickly silenced. Once she was finished with the pleasantries, she said, "Let's pray, shall we?" and folded her hands and bowed her head.

Gordo quickly wondered what to do, then decided that out of respect for the other people in the room he would bow his head also. The prayer was fairly brief, and after that the principal said a few other things and sent the students on their way. It wasn't much of a chapel, more of an assembly, but that didn't entirely matter.

After chapel Gordo went to his second class, Religion, which was a skinny instead of a block. Gordo didn't like the block schedule. He found it confusing and overbearing. But he didn't have much say in the matter.

When he got to class he looked around at who was there already. A few girls and a few guys were scattered across the room in clusters… two girls were talking in the corner, three were sitting together near the middle of a row of desks, and four guys were hanging out in a different corner.

_The freshman class is already breaking up into cliques,_ Gordo thought to himself. He sighed and sat down. No one he knew from his old school was in this class, but he did see a guy that looked familiar. Maybe he was in his French class…

A sudden rush of students entered the room and all selected seats just before the bell rang. Then the teacher stood and smiled.

"You can pick your seats for today, but tomorrow I'll have a seating chart," the Pastor announced. "I'm Pastor Bernau."

"King of the who?" a guy asked in the back row, with a British accent. " "The Britans." "Who are the Britans?" "Well, we all are. We are all Britans. And I am your king." "Well, I didn't vote for you!" "You don't vote for kings…?""

"Hey, don't make me duct tape that mouth shut," Pastor told him. "I can tell already this is going to be an interesting class."

"We are now the Knights who say Echy-echy-echy-fechaing-zOO-poi!"(A/N: sp?) a girl announced proudly, then began to laugh.

"Stop that. We're done trading lines," Pastor said. Then he cleared his throat. "Now, today we are going to start with some light stuff, and we'll get deeper as the year progresses. Today I want to talk about heaven, not necessarily the place, but the feeling. Everyone is capable of feeling so incredibly great, but different things do it for different people. For some people it's waterfalls. Do we have waterfall people in here?" A few scattered people raised their hands. "Ah, yes. Waterfalls are awesome. What about mountains? Who likes mountains?" The guy next to Gordo raised his hand.

"Mountains are awesome," he said proudly. Pastor nodded.

"Yeah, they're cool. What are some other things you guys like?"

"Apples!" a girl said with a British accent.

"Very small rocks!"

"Hey, I said we're done with that. C'mon, what makes you happy? And don't tell me chocolate or video games, I'm looking for the deepest thing you can dig up. Sunsets? Sunrises?" Another handful of people raised their hands.

"David, what do you like?"

Gordo blinked. "Um… I like… mountains, I guess."

"What gives you that feeling? Or, maybe first I should ask, do you know what feeling I'm talking about?"

Gordo nodded. "I think so."

"What does it for you?"

_What was wrong with my first answer?_ Gordo wondered. "Well, hanging out with friends, I guess."

"I hope you don't mean playing basketball or anything."

"What's wrong with basketball?!" a guy from the other side of the room demanded.

"Nothing. I happen to enjoy basketball. But I'm trying to get deep here. What do you mean, David?"

Gordo swallowed. "Honest conversations…?"

"You mean like real heart-to-hearts?"

_If that answer'll get you to leave me alone,_ Gordo thought. "Yeah."

"Bingo! Anyone else? C'mon, what makes you happy?"

A girl raised her hand. "Yes, Mandy?"

"Well," she began. "I was watching X Games this summer, and these two guys were really going at it for Step Up, and it was neck-and-neck. The guy that made it, when he flew over the bar I was like "Imagine how good it must feel to be him this very instant." It was really cool."

"So you mean… feeling high from the joy of beating someone, along with the joy of just being that physically high up?" She nodded. "Good, I can buy that. Anyone else?"

Another girl shared her love of skiing and told everyone about an experience she had when she was racing and beat someone.

"These are all great. Now, I want you all to take that feeling you have of beating someone or seeing the mountains or hearing the water from a waterfall, and I want you to multiply it however much you can and create the best feeling you can imagine. How much more than that is it going to be when we arrive in Heaven? Because, I tell you, you can't even imagine what it's going to be like." Pastor continued on with his lesson talking about Heaven, and then the time came to wrap up the class.

"Tomorrow, I want you all to come in with something that you think tries to capture God's majesty," he told the class. "I know that everything is going to fail because nothing can do that, but I want you to just try. We'll see what kinds of things we get in here next week. OK?"

The guy next to Gordo raised his hand. "Yeah, Joel?" Pastor said.

"Do you mean, like, we bring in an object, or we create something?"

"Create something. Anything. It can be a poem, collage, sculpture, anything. But you need to _make_ it, and it needs to be about God."

Joel nodded. "OK."

Then the bell rang and the class was dismissed.


	3. First Lunch

Monday, September 8

Lizzie went through the lunch line in between a senior and a huge junior that both made her nervous, and when she got through, she stood on the floor alone, looking for a place – any place – where she could sit. She would have sat with Larry Tudgeman himself if it meant not standing alone. She felt so out of place… so lost. But then, just in time, she spotted Gordo sitting with some guys. _So he found some guy friends,_ she thought. _That's good._

At first she planned to leave him be and do some male bonding with them, but she then decided that she wanted to sit down more than anything in the world just then, and that Gordo probably wouldn't mind, anyway. So she walked up to them and took the empty seat next to her dark-haired friend.

"Hey, Gordo," Lizzie said. He turned and smiled at her.

"Lizzie," he acknowledged. "This is Joel, who I have 3rd skinny religion with. Joel, this is my friend Lizzie from junior high."

Joel was incredibly cute, and Lizzie recognized that right away. He was a little more well-built than most of the freshmen, and he had a great smile, great eyes, great gelled hair… great everything. He looked a little familiar.

"Do I have a class with you?" Lizzie asked.

"No, but you know me from freshman orientation. Or, I know you. We were in the same group."

"Oh, right." Lizzie remembered him clearly now. A week before school the freshmen had all come to school for orientation, and they were split into groups to go to different classes and learn about the teachers and courses. She remembered thinking that he was cute then, too. "I remember."

"Are you Jewish, too?"

"No," Lizzie replied. "I'm not really… well, anything. Are you… do you have a religion?"

Joel nodded. "Yeah, my dad and I are in the worship band at our church. We're Lutherans, but I have some Baptist friends, too. And some atheists."

"Oh. Any of them go here?"

"One Lutheran." Joel looked to a thinner boy coming out of the lunch line. He smirked when he saw Joel and walked up to them.

"What's up?" he asked casually as he sat down next to his familiar friend. "How's morning classes?"

"I think I'll survive," Joel responded. "Yours?"

"Eh – can't complain. I see you already met a girl?" Joel's friend looked to Lizzie, who tried not to blush.

"This is David and his friend Lizzie," Joel answered him. Then he looked to Lizzie and Gordo. "Guys, this is Will. Or Chris."

Will/Chris hit Joel on the shoulder. "My name's Chris. Get it straight."

"Hey, I've been calling you Will for four years. You think I can just drop that?"

"How long have you known each other?" Gordo asked.

"Kindergarten," Will/Chris responded.

"So are we supposed to call you Will or Chris?" Lizzie asked, a little confused.

"Chris."

Joel mouthed, "It's Will," and Lizzie smiled a little and grabbed a French fry off her tray.

"It's not, man!"

"I thought you liked that name, you double-minded freak."

Chris laughed. Lizzie wondered why he laughed since Joel had just insulted him (and sounded quite serious when he insulted him, what's more yet), but then she realized that his friend had only been joking, and Chris fully realized that. They had a unique friendship, one where they could insult each other as often as they liked and not worry about the other one taking offense.

"The birth certificate says Chris," Chris insisted.

"The Science Fair signup sheet says Will," Joel replied, equally determined.

"That was fifth grade!"

"And sixth, and seventh, and eighth," the cuter of the two continued.

"What's going on?" Gordo asked, as confused as Lizzie.

"Will didn't like the name Chris, his given name," Joel explained. "So at the fifth grade Science Fair it said 'Chris Van Morgan' and he crossed out the 'Chris' and wrote 'Will.' Suddenly he didn't answer to Chris anymore; you had to call him Will. So the name 'Will' is engraved in my brain, and now he wants to switch back."

"I answered to Chris," Chris mumbled.

"You did not, you little brat!"

"Shut up, pretty boy!"

This time Joel laughed. "I'm not a pretty boy," he said. "Insults are more effective when they're at least partly true. Am I pretty?" He looked to Lizzie and Gordo for the answer.

Lizzie couldn't find her voice. The guy was hot, but he wasn't "pretty" in the truest sense of the word. They both referred to two different kinds of good looks. But then… would she be insulting him if she told him that he wasn't pretty? Was that good or bad? "Um… I don't think so," Lizzie said, unsure. Gordo didn't answer the question at all.

"See!" Joel declared. "Not pretty."

"Definitely not pretty," Chris confirmed, suppressing a laugh. Joel hit him on the shoulder, which was something they seemed to enjoy doing.

"You're prettier than I am," Joel said. He looked to Lizzie. "Don't you think?"

Lizzie blinked. "I…" She didn't know who's side to take. "Um-"

"Hey, David, what about you?" Chris asked, turning to the more silent one at their table.

Then the girl that none of the four knew that sat on the other side of Gordo leaned over to butt into their conversation and said, "I think you're both very pretty." She had long, dark hair and looked like she might be a sophomore, and had a bit of a flirty tone when she spoke.

The five of them laughed. Gordo, Lizzie, Chris, Joel, and the stranger. "Who the heck are you, and why are you calling us pretty?" Joel asked.

"My name's Amanda. I'm one of about 150 Amanda's in this school."

"Joel. I'm one of about five."

"I'm Will and Chris. One of one. No one in this school has both the names Will _and_ Chris."

"I'm David. You can call me Gordo," Gordo told her. She looked to Lizzie.

"Lizzie," the blonde told her. Lizzie was so happy, because she'd already met three people and the day wasn't over yet! Much better, two of them were guys, and one of those guys was cute.

"Joel, Will and Chris, Gordo, and Lizzie. Got it." She smiled and turned back to her other friends who were talking.

"That was random," Joel said.

"Yeah, it kinda was. But she called you pretty."

"She called _you_ pretty!"

Lizzie smiled. _Here we go again…_ she thought. At least he was cute.


	4. Luke's Return

A/N: If you want to read my other LMG fics, I refer to them sometimes in this story. Mostly Family Secrets (with Gordo's half-brother Luke), but also I Love You, David Gordon. You don't have to read them because this story makes sense without them, but you can get some more info if you want. Family Secrets also talks a little about Gordo's little sister, Michelle. I don't think she's in the chapter, but she's in here later.

Monday, September 8

Finally the first day of school ended. Miranda picked up her books and got out of her seat. After she left the room, she found Gordo who was walking down the hallway, and was almost past her. She reached out her arm to stop him.

"Hey, Gordo!" Miranda said. Gordo turned.

"Oh – hey, Miranda. Guess we don't have any classes together?"

"French," she replied. "We can start off every day with each other. Have you met anyone yet?"

Gordo nodded. "A couple of weird guys, Joel and Chris. And some girl named Amanda."

Miranda nodded. "I met a girl named Sarah. I don't know if you remember her, but she's in our French class. I have my whole day with her."

"It's nice that you found someone with the same schedule."

"Yeah. At least I'll always know someone." She saw Lizzie down the hall and called to her. Lizzie walked up to them.

"Hey, guys!" she said cheerfully. "Guess what? I have my last class, history, with Joel." Her two friends didn't seem to understand why that mattered, so she explained, "He's cute."

"Is this the same Joel Gordo knows?" Miranda asked.

Gordo nodded. "I introduced Lizzie and him at lunch."

"I see."

"So how was your day, Miranda?" Lizzie asked. She hadn't spoken to her friend since before school that day.

"Uneventful. Yours?"

"Well, you already know about Joel. That's about the biggest thing that's happened."

Gordo nodded. "I can speak to that."

The three heard a loud, strong, masculine voice call out "Hey, freshman!" projected at them. Lizzie and Miranda winced, because they had a feeling that this guy, who was probably a senior, would make their day more exciting. But Gordo was facing the other way, and he was able to see the tall guy clearly. He wasn't afraid.

"Luke!" Gordo called. The guy laughed.

"Miss me?"

Luke came up to the group and gave his little brother a hug. "How's school goin'?"

"It's not bad," Gordo replied. "I've had better days. Have you met Lizzie and Miranda?"

"Nope."

"Well, this is Lizzie and Miranda."

Luke nodded to them. "What's up? I'm Luke, Davie's big half-brother."

"Davie?" Miranda asked with a face.

Luke nodded. "Sure. Dave, Davie, whatever. I can call him whatever I want, he's my brother!"

"Does mom know you're here?" Gordo asked, still recovering from the shock of seeing his brother.

Luke shook his head. "I just drove up from Texas. I'm bringin' you home."

"Oh."

"So you wanna go?"

"Sure. Let me get to my locker quick and pick up my homework." Gordo waved to the two girls. "I'll see you guys tomorrow," he said.

They both nodded. "Bye, Gordo."

After he left, Miranda turned to Lizzie. "So, who's this Joel guy?" she asked, a sparkle in her eyes. Lizzie smiled.

"Let's see if we can find him." Lizzie led Miranda around the halls, and then she spotted him. He was at his locker, which was on the upper level where her locker was, but his was on the opposite end of the hallway. "Hey, Joel," Lizzie said. He pulled his head out of his locker and smiled at her.

"Hey, Lizzie," he said. "Have a good day?"

"It was better than I thought it would be. Have you met Miranda Sanchez?"

Joel looked her up and down. "Can't say I have."

"Then… well, this is her. She's Gordo's and my friend."

"Gotcha. Hey, Miranda."

She smiled at him. "Hi, Joel."

"What classes do you have? Any good ones?"

Miranda liked Joel already. He was cute, but that wasn't all. He seemed really nice and genuine. He just met her, and he was already asking about classes and stuff. He was… welcoming.

"Well, French isn't so bad."

"That's good. Is that a block?"

Miranda nodded. "They're all blocks, except music classes, study halls, and religion."

"How'd you know that?"

"It said so on the sheet to sign up for classes."

"Oh. Right." He winked and shut his locker. "Well, I gotta go. My dad's here to pick me up. I'll see you girls later."

"Bye!" They both called after him. Miranda, her eyes glowing turned to Lizzie after he was down the stairs. "You were right," she said right away. "He's cute."

"See!" Lizzie exclaimed. "I knew you'd like him. I sat with him and his friend Chris today at lunch. And Gordo."

"Is he a freshman?" Miranda asked, a little unsure. He looked more like he might be a sophomore, for the simple reason that he had a bit broader shoulders and more muscle than all of the other guys Miranda had seen so far.

"He must be. They have freshman religion together."

"Not a bad-lookin' freshman."

Lizzie shook her head in agreement. "No he's not. From this day forward, until the end of the quarter, I live for second lunch."


	5. Bike Ride

Monday, September 8

"Mother! Your boys are here!"

Mrs. Gordon, smiling, walked quickly to the entryway. When she saw Luke, her smile grew. They embraced each other happily.

"Oh, my baby," she said. "My baby Luke. How are you?"

"I'm good. I picked up your muskrat." He smiled at Gordo.

"Luke, don't tease."

"Aw, Davie has a good sense of humor. Don't you, Dave?"

"Call me that again, and I'll kill you," Gordo said evenly. Luke laughed.

"See, Ma? Hey, guess what I gots in the back of my 250."

"What?" Mrs. Gordon asked, playing along with his game.

"A bike."

"A bike?" she asked, thinking he meant just an average, Joe Shmoe two-wheeler bicycle.

"A _motorcycle._"

Gordo looked up at his brother. "Really? Can I ride it? Will you drive me?"

"Ask mom."

Gordo looked at their mother pleadingly. "Mom, can he take me for a ride? Please?"

Mrs. Gordon sighed. "I don't think so, David. Those things are really dangerous. Luke, I think you should take it back."

"Take it back? I've had it for a year!"

"You are a college student! Why in the world do you need _two_ vehicles? What's more, how can you afford it? I also don't want you or David riding in it, anyways."

"Mom, you don't ride in a bike, you ride _on_ it."

"Exactly."

"Aw, c'mon, it'll be fun. Just around this residential area? We won't go over 35."

"The speed limit's 30."

Luke paused, then said, "Oh… in that case, we won't go over 60. I thought the limit was 5."

"Luke…"

He laughed. "Mom, I'm just kidding! Sure, we won't go over 30. Let the rat have a little fun, K?"

Mrs. Gordon inspected the two of them carefully, then finally said, "You have two helmets?"

Luke nodded. "And two cell phones that have 911 on speed dial." Mrs. Gordon didn't think it was funny. "No, really, I have two helmets. And I know how to ride a bike. I drove it to California."

"You went to California?" Gordo demanded.

Luke nodded. "But that's not the point. That was hours of driving experience, mom. Hours. Not to mention all the other trips I've made on it. Trust me."

She looked at him skeptically, then finally said, "Fine. Say goodbye to it, because once you get back we're selling that death machine."

Luke laughed and hugged her again. "See this here mother, Gordo? She's a keeper."

Gordo nodded. "I know. And you just called me Gordo."

"Sorry, Dave. C'mon, help me get the bike out." They started out to the garage, but Luke paused and stuck his head back in the house for one last comment. "Oh, and mom? If we're not back in 30 minutes… check the streets for remains?"

"Luke!"

He laughed and followed Gordo out to his truck. "Okay… let's see if I can get this sucker out."

"You want help?" Gordo asked.

"Nah, I lift weights."

"How often?"

Luke smiled at his little brother. "More than you."

"You like to poke fun, don't you?"

"Yeah, I kinda do."

"I think you worried mom back there."

"Nah, she just takes things too seriously. I'm not _worrying_ her, I'm helping her loosen up."

"Oh, is that what you call it?"

Luke winced as he tried to pick up the heavy bike and bring it down to the ground. When it was about half of a foot off the ground, he dropped it the rest of the way. Then he winced again. "Ooh… that can't be good for it."

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Hey, you try lifting this baby!" Luke hopped on it like he'd done it a million times and started it up.

"Where are the helmets?" Gordo asked. Luke pulled one out of one of the pockets behind him and tossed it to Gordo, then put another one on.

"Hop on," he said. "You ever ridden a bike before?"

"No," Gordo replied, sizing the helmet.

"See this peg? Put your left foot on it, stand, and swing your other leg around. Then sit."

"You want me to stand on a peg on the side? Won't it tip?"

"That's why I balance it."

Gordo wasn't sure he trusted his brother like that, so he was cautious in getting on. Once he was, Luke gave him a few last instructions. "Don't lean for turns; let me balance the bike, okay? Just… be the bike, go with it. And you're gonna have to grab onto me somehow, or else mom would scream bloody murder."

Gordo smirked. He'd never done anything like this before. Luke drove him around the neighborhood a little (in order to impress, maybe scare his brother, he did break the speed limit and reach 45) and then they went back home. "You like that?" Luke asked Gordo. He nodded.

"It was great. Now… how do I get off?"

"Same way you got on." Once again Gordo did this with care. Then Luke got off and they went back into the house. Mr. Gordon was there this time to greet them.

"Hi, Luke," he said. "We haven't seen you in awhile."

"How's Michelle doing? How old is she?" (A/N: Michelle is Gordo's little sister… Luke's little half-sister. She was born at the end of "Family Secrets.")

"She's 11 months, and doing well."

"Does she talk any?"

"No, but she understands words."

Luke nodded. "That's good. She'll be talking in no time."

"She's related to you, isn't she?" Gordo asked, finding the opportunity to shoot something back at his brother.

"Hey, Mr. Gordon, you have a real smart mouth here for a son. Want me to teach him some manners?"

"Long as you clean up your mess."

"Dad!" Gordo yelped. Luke laughed evilly.

"You're all mine, muskrat!" He picked Gordo up and threw him over his shoulder. Luke brought him up the stairs and then tossed him onto the couch. Then, having a sudden more important thought, he said, "Hey… you know what?"

"What?" Gordo asked.

"ESPN is on."

"ESPN is always on. It's a channel."

"Yeah, but I don't have cable. See ya."


	6. Romeo and Juliet

Tuesday, September 9

"It is very hard to be a writer and not know what you want," the teacher droned on in Lizzie's ears. "You must decide what you want, and how you will make it happen. It's like riding a bike for the very first time. Starting is scary, you're fine once you get going, but then you don't want to stop because that's hard, too. Well, beginning a chapter, and a story, is hard. Once you get the ball rolling it's not so bad, but then you also need to decide how to wrap things up."

The 14-year-old blond set her head in her hands to rest it. Was it suddenly made out of steel? She never realized what a chore it was to keep her head up and her eyelids open until she entered this class for the second time in her life. She couldn't prevent the small yawn that escaped her lips.

"Me, too," the guy next to her said quietly. Lizzie smiled a little, but she didn't want to get in trouble by the teacher, so she didn't reply. He frightened her a little, her English teacher. He was a larger man, who was strict, yet humorous. It was true that he loved to crack jokes in between his sentences at times, and started off each day with a joke, but he still had a strange mix of seriousness and strictness inside of him. Lizzie found it almost incredible, but also confusing and disturbing all at once. How did Mr. Hayman manage it?

He told them that they were to write a short story for the next day in a rough draft form. Then he passed out copies of a book. Lizzie was one of the last people to get hers as she was on the other side of the room that he started passing them out, but once she realized what it was, she groaned. Romeo and Juliet, a nearly-impossible book to read, was in her hands. She had never cared for Shakespeare… the only thing that she liked about him was that she met Frankie Muniz when they were doing the play. Remembering that, she smiled a little.

"You like Shakespeare?" the same guy next to her asked.

"No, not really," Lizzie replied. "I just… I had a fun experience with this play."

"What, first kiss or something?"

Lizzie shook her head. "No, not really…" Well, it _hadn't_ been her first kiss, though she did get one. But that day that she met Frankie, she didn't even understand the play then. The class was separated into groups, and each group was assigned an act and a scene. Hers was the most famous one, and she had it memorized at the time, but she had never read the whole play, and she didn't even pretend to comprehend her scene alone.

"Romeo and Juliet," Mr. Hayman announced to them all. "Or, as I like to call it, 'Raging Hormones.' You all know that they both die in the end, but I'm willing to bet that none of you have actually read this whole play. Romeo, this teenage guy, is infatuated with Rosaline, who-"

"I thought her name was Juliet," a girl in the back corner said.

"That's very perceptive of you. But no, the first one's name is Rosaline, a girl that he's probably never even talked to. Then, of course, he sees another pretty girl and forgets about his "first love." And _her_ name is Juliet. He flirts with her at the Capulet's party, and… well, let's start at Act One, Scene One. I need a Tybalt. He's the kind of "act first think later, and when I do think I think with my sword" kind of guy. Benvolio comes in and tries to break up a fight, and Tybalt comes in and encourages it. Who wants Tybalt?"

The guy next to Lizzie raised his hand and was chosen. The teacher divided up the rest of the parts according to volunteers for the first scene (Lizzie had volunteered to be Sampson, and after someone else got that part she volunteered again to be Abram, and received that part). After that, they continued on to Scene Two since it was short, and Mr. Hayman interrupted them now and again.

"And these, who, often drowned, could never die, transparent heretics, be burnt for liars!" the boy chosen for Romeo read. "One fairer than my love? The all-seeing sun ne'er saw her match since first the world begun."

"Notice," Mr. Hayman put in, "How Romeo talks about the sun never seeing anyone as beautiful as Rosaline. Yet later, as I'm sure you all know, he says "Juliet is the sun." In other words, Rosaline is no comparison to Juliet. Rosaline is just a person that is seen, but Juliet _is_ the sun, the one that actually _does_ the seeing."

Lizzie looked to the guy next to her, a little confused. If Juliet was the sun, then she would have seen Rosaline, then? How in the world did they know each other? Was Rosaline a Montague or a Capulet?

The guy shrugged.

"Also, guys? Take lessons from Romeo. Instead of saying "You're the prettiest girl that ever lived" to your girlfriend, say something more like "The sun ne'er saw your match since first the world begun." It'll go better. Those words will make any girl yours."

Lizzie smiled a little. What if Joel said something like that to her? Mr. Hayman was right, those words could work wonders for the boys in this class.

"Poetry! Shakespeare is so elegant in everything he says. In his famous scene, we'd say, "If a rose was called a daisy it would still smell like a rose, so Romeo is still Romeo even if we call him Bob," but he says "That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Romeo, doff thy name; and for thy name, which is no part of thee, take all myself." Sense the difference?"

"Do you have this whole play memorized?" a girl asked.

"I have that scene memorized, and I have the rest of the play almost memorized. I've been teaching Romeo and Juliet 4 times a year for 20 years. It was bound to happen. Now, I want you to read Scenes 3, 4, and 5 for tomorrow. And there's a quiz on Act One."

"Already?" Lizzie asked. "We just started the book today!"

"Goes by fast, doesn't it? Finish Act One!" Then the bell rang and everyone got up to leave.

"Scenes 3, 4, and 5," the guy who originally sat next to Lizzie mumbled. "_And_ write a short story? That's crazy. Did I accidentally run into the Honors class?"

Lizzie smirked. "I know what you mean. What's your name?"

"Jake."

"I'm Lizzie."

"You ever go by Elizabeth?"

"Not unless I did something wrong."

Jake smiled. "Okay, Lizzie, then. I'll see you tomorrow." Then he left, and Lizzie found Miranda coming out of a classroom near hers. They walked up to each other.

"Who was that guy?" Miranda asked.

"That's Jake. He sits by me in English."

"Lucky. I wish I met guys as fast as you do. You know three!"

"You would if you talked to them," Lizzie replied. "It's not that hard. Anyways, it's only the second day. You'll meet someone."

Miranda nodded. "Yeah. Maybe."


	7. Shepherd with a Machine Gun

A/N: Um… I know I'm gonna get attacked for this, but yes, I do plan on converting Gordo eventually. It may take awhile for him to turn around, but it'll happen. I know that I always loose readers when I put God into my stories, but I don't care. I think this'll make a good story, especially since I love to write internal conflict stuff. This story is not meant to convert YOU, it's only written for my pleasure. Please don't take it the wrong way. So, anyways, as you may have guessed, this is the chapter where Gordo gets a little curious about this Christianity stuff, so he talks to Pastor Bernau. So, if you're fine with that or you're just curious or whatever, read on. If not, that's fine, too.

Tuesday, September 9

3rd skinny freshman religion. Pastor Bernau stood in front of his students looking pleased. "Okay… you're gonna present your creations up here by the podium. We'll start with… Sally."

"That's Sal," the girl corrected as she stood. She had a large piece of construction paper in her hands as she walked up. "Okay… for my project, I stapled a white piece of felt to this, because God is, you know, like fluffy and soft and white."

"That's not racially correct," one guy put in.

Sal laughed. "Shut up, Cameron. Anyway, I also drew a picture by the felt of a baby, because God loves little kids."

"He loves everyone," Cameron told her.

"I said shut up!" Sal was still smiling as she said this.

"Hey," Pastor cut in. "Don't interrupt the person presenting."

"That's all," Sal said. Pastor nodded and they clapped as she handed it to him. "Next… Joel?"

Joel walked up with something made out of clay in his hands. It looked something like a DNA model, but not quite. "I did this, because God is complex," he began. "He never changes, but yet we can be Christians all our lives and still never know everything about Him, because that's just how complex He is. You can study God for fifty years and still not understand everything that He does."

Gordo got a little nervous at Joel saying "Christian." What about Jewish people? They believed in God, too. Why had Joel said Christian, instead of just religious or some other word?

Pastor nodded. "Good. David?"

Gordo got up and shared his own creation. It was on white paper, and showed things like fire and lightning and swords. He explained how it showed God's justice and wrath to the people who deserved it. The Pastor didn't seem thrilled with the project, but he still smiled as he took it. As the class was clapping for Gordo, the Pastor said quietly, "Can I talk to you after class?" Gordo wasn't sure what he did wrong, but he nodded. It wasn't every day that his teachers asked him to stay after class.

"My picture of God is a shepherd with a machine gun," a guy named Jack said, showing his drawing to everyone. It was definitely a shepherd… and definitely holding a machine gun. "Because He's, like, nice and gentle and stuff, but He's also really powerful."

Pastor didn't seem sure about how to take his interesting interpretation, but nodded. "Okay. Very… insightful."

The rest of the presentations focused mainly on how nice and comforting God was. Finally the bell rang, and everyone started to leave, but Gordo stayed in his seat.

"Hey, you coming?" Joel asked him.

"Pastor said he wanted to see me," Gordo replied.

"Oh, okay. See you at lunch?"

"Sure."

When everyone was gone, Pastor shut the door and sat down across from Gordo. "How do you like this school?" he asked.

"It's fine," Gordo replied, unsure of why he asked that. "Everyone's real nice."

Pastor nodded. "Good. I'm glad you like it. Do you have some friends that also go here?" Gordo nodded. "Are they Jewish?"

Then Gordo knew why Pastor had asked him to stay.

"No. They're kind of… atheist. They don't really have a religion."

Pastor nodded. "I know that you come from a very religious family, David. I talked to your parents before we accepted you, because we, as a school, weren't sure if we wanted to accept someone who didn't need a Christian education. They're really nice people, your parents." Gordo nodded again, unsure of how else to respond. "Anyways, I just… I wanted to make sure that you know that God is not only just, but also forgiving."

Gordo looked surprised. "Of course I know."

"Well, the reason I say that is because Jews stress so much the wrath of God, and in reality, He's a mixture of wrath _and_ love. Either extreme is just as dangerous as the other. You should not live your whole life so afraid of God that you hide from Him, but you shouldn't stress His love to the point where you've forgotten just how fair He really _is_. Do you know what I'm saying?"

Gordo shook his head slowly. "I don't think so."

"Do you know what Law and Gospel is?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Jews focus a lot on the Law, and some people focus a lot on the Gospel, and that's unhealthy. The Jews need to know about God's soft side, and others need to know about His hard side."

Gordo nodded. "I think I understand. But… we still need to make sacrifices and things, to atone for our sins, right?"

Pastor shook his head. "No, David."

"But it says that we are only forgiven through blood!"

"But Jesus shed blood for us, so that we don't have to."

"So did Samuel, but that doesn't change a thing. We need to get our sins forgiven either way, no matter who died."

Pastor sighed. "David, what do you know about the Christian Church?"

"I know they think that Jesus was God."

Pastor nodded. "Yes we do. So then, since He had no sins to be forgiven, His blood forgave the rest of the sins of the world."

"But I don't think that."

"I know. Do you-" The loud bell rang telling everyone that if they were not in class, they were tardy. "Don't worry, I'll write you a pass," Pastor said as Gordo got up. He sat back down after hearing that. "David, do you know _why_ we think that Jesus is the Christ?"

Gordo shook his head. "No."

"Because He says it. Are you familiar with the New Testament?"

"No. I mostly only study the Pentatuch."

"I know. Do you have a Bible at home, one with the New Testament in it?"

"No."

"I didn't think so." Pastor handed him a Bible from his desk. "Why don't you try to read Matthew? If your parents don't like you reading it, have them call me and we'll work something out. Okay?"

"When do you want me to read it by?"

"As soon as you can. Maybe read it over the weekend in a few days, okay? After you do, stay after class again and we'll talk about what you think of it."

"Okay."

Pastor sent him an assuring smile. "Don't look so serious. I just want you to read it, not write a report or anything."

Gordo smiled a little. "I'm just not sure what I think."

"About what?"

"This school. And Christians in general."

"Do you have some kind of concern? Anything I can clear up?"

"No, I don't think so. I just… I dated a Christian once."

"What'd you think of her?"

"She stood me up."

"I'm sorry. But can I just say, that she doesn't necessarily represent the rest of the Christian church? And, everyone makes mistakes."

Gordo nodded. "I know. And, that Joel guy, he's really nice."

"I know his dad."

"You do?"

Pastor nodded. "They go to my church. Nice people."

"Does… does he have a mom?"

Pastor took in a deep breath. "Maybe that's something he should tell you about if you are really friends."

"Well, I just met him yesterday."

"I still think it'd be better if I wasn't the one to tell you."

"Will you at least tell me where she is? Are his parents divorced or something?"

"She's dead. And that's all I'm going to say about it."

Gordo looked down. "Oh. Maybe I won't have the guts to ask him." He couldn't imagine how hard it would be to loose his own mother. The incident must have been traumatic for Joel.

"Well, if you ask him he'll tell you. It wouldn't be in his character to turn you down. But, that doesn't mean that I'm going to make you. You just need to decide how strong your curiosity is." He looked over to his desk and pulled out a notebook. "I've made you late enough to class. Here's a pass." He scribbled a note on the paper and handed it to Gordo.

"Thanks. I'll read Matthew."

"It shouldn't take a bright student like you very long. Have a good day, David."

"You, too. Thanks again."


	8. Matthew 1:21

Tuesday, September 9

When Gordo came to Matthew 1:21, he had to read the verse over a few times. It said, "Mary will give birth to a Son, and you are to give Him the name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sin." He stared at the words "He will save His people from their sin" unbelievingly. This was blasphemy! Jesus was a prophet… He didn't have the authority to do such a thing… did He?

There was a knock on the door shortly before Luke entered the room. "Hey, Dave," he greeted. "I was thinking we could do something this weekend? You know, like a basketball game or something?"

Gordo nodded. "Sure. That'd be fun."

"Whatcha reading?"

"Matthew. In the Bible."

Luke frowned. "Why are you doing that?"

"Pastor told me to. He wants to know what I think of it."

Luke sat down on Gordo's bed next to him. "What _do_ you think of it?"

"Well… it says right here that Jesus would 'save His people from their sin,' but… that doesn't make sense."

Luke nodded. "Don't read too much into it. It's just a book."

"Just a book? But then... what's the Torah?"

"Hey, that's sacred."

"Is the Bible?"

Luke looked down. "Listen, David, at this school you're gonna have a lot of new experiences. Some of them will be with drugs, sex, alcohol, whatever. Some of them will be with religion. You just need to stay firm in what you know."

"What if it's not true?"

"Are you telling me it's not?"

Gordo shook his head. "No, no, I'm not saying that I don't believe Jewish teachings anymore, I just think… well, blind faith isn't much faith at all, right? Shouldn't believers know _why_ they believe their faith as opposed to others, for a reason other than their parents raised them that way? What if mom and dad were Buddhist… would I still be Jewish? Of course not. Would you?"

Luke looked away, unable to answer Gordo's question. He sighed and twisted where he was sitting, then finally asked, "Does mom know you're reading the Bible?"

"I haven't told her yet."

"I will." Luke stood and headed towards the door.

"Luke, wait," Gordo said quickly. He didn't want his mom to think that he was converting behind her back or anything, because that wasn't it. He was still Jewish. He still believed everything that he had ever been told. It was just that he was starting to think, as Gordo often did, and he knew that he had to read this book. He had to, not because Pastor told him to, but because he needed to find the flaws in it. He needed to know _why_ he believed the Jewish teachings as opposed to Christian ones. He _needed_ to.

"I'll tell her," Gordo volunteered. "Right now."

"Good."

Luke watched Gordo carefully as they left his room, as if inspecting him to make sure he really would tell. Gordo felt like some kind of traitor under his brother's careful eyes. And the worst of it was, he felt guilty for it, like someone shoplifting with a security guard following them, breathing down their neck.

The two brothers walked downstairs and found their mother in the kitchen reading a psychology book (one of her many). "Mom," Gordo said quietly. She looked up.

"What is it?"

"I just thought you should know… well, the Pastor at school wanted me to read some of the Bible."

"What did he tell you to read?"

"Matthew."

She put her book down and gave him her full attention, completely interested now. She had known that sooner or later her son would come to her with concerns about what this new school was teaching him. They shoved Bible passages down the students' throats, and she knew that already.

"Well, did you?"

"I just started it. Pastor said if you don't like it you can call him."

"Well, I would only object if it interferes with your faith. Does it?"

"I don't think-"

"Yes, it does," Luke jumped in, feeling like Gordo was trying to lie. "He already called the Bible sacred."

"I did not!" Gordo said quickly.

Mrs. Gordon looked at the older of her two sons. "Luke, honey, why don't you go downstairs and watch some TV? Maybe get better acquainted with your step-father."

Luke gave Gordo a look that gave a message something like "Don't think you're off the hook with me" and went downstairs obediently. Gordo sat down at the table across from his mother.

"I don't want you to put too much faith into that book that he gave you," she began. "They believe… more than we do."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, all the things that we say happened they agree to, but they think there was more too it than that. But it never says so in-"

"It says so in the Bible. How do you decide which one's right? I mean, you can't rely on what makes sense to you, because humans are too foolish to see the truth anyways, right? So you would need hard evidence to prove that one is better than the other, wouldn't you?"

"David, you're scaring me. You need to understand that the idea is just incredible. Jesus could not have been God. What if someone told you that Joseph was God?"

"Well, I would think they were crazy at first, but once I start to think about it, it's not quite so incredible. I mean, God can become human, right? Like when He and His two angles went to see Abraham. And we know that He's going to come back sometime, right? And on another thought, what if I was _raised_ thinking Joseph was God? Then it would seem like common sense to me. So then… your religion has to do with how you were raised."

"Maybe that's part of it."

"Well it shouldn't be. Your salvation shouldn't be thrown up in the air and depend on whether you're born into the right family or not. That's why everyone has to discover truth for themselves. Because if you're just trusting someone else… then they could be wrong."

Gordo's mom looked hurt, and that hurt him as well. He felt like somehow he was stabbing her in the back, which is why he felt the need to say, "I'm not saying that I don't trust you, I'm just saying that my faith needs to be _my_ faith, not yours or dad's or Luke's. I need to make it my own, and the only way I can do that is by finding out why I believe it."

She nodded. "I know. But… so what do you think?"

"Well, the way I see it, the first step to discovering my own faith is to ask questions, and that's what I'm doing. So, all things considered, I think I'm doing well. My heart is still Jewish, mom, and it probably always will be. But I still need to read this book, and I need to find out more about Jesus."

"All right. Just… follow your heart. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you know is true, because it will affect you for eternity."

Gordo nodded. "Yeah, mom, I know."


	9. Homecoming Dates

A/N: So, a little response from me. First of all, this story is done. It's 72 chapters, plus a 1-page epilogue, so I hope you're in it for the long haul. Because it is already done, I will go back and edit things if I think it would be worth it, but if it's the kind of thing where I need to re-write 60 chapters, it won't be happening. So, sorry for that, but I appreciate what you have to say and will keep it in mind for my future stories.

EstellaB: Yeah, looking back on it, I think I did make Miranda too shy. Though that's one of those things I just don't think I want to go back and edit every chapter with her in it, since there are so many. With the Jesus (?) prophet stuff, I thought they considered him a prophet, but when you said that I looked it up and found out that you're right! I should have done better research before I put that in there! I will edit it eventually... thanks for catching those things. I appreciate it.

To all: thanks for the encouragement. Nobody seems too offended by this yet, but I think it's only a matter of time before someone gets huffy, so I just want to say this before anything hits the proverbial fan: I am a Christian, God is part of my life, and like all writers, I put things that are in my life into my stories. All writers draw on their passions and pieces of their lives to write, so it would be ridiculous for me to ignore that part of me while writing.

Sorry for so much ado. No more A/Ns from me for awhile. What can I say? I'm a writer, and once I start, I can't stop...

Anyways, here, have a chapter.

Tuesday, September 9

Miranda dialed Lizzie's number quickly, as her fingers knew exactly where to go on the phone. She could call both of her friends quickly, because she knew their phone numbers so well.

"Hello?" Lizzie's voice asked on the other line.

"Did you hear about the dance?!" Miranda asked right away.

"Dance? Um, no. We're still on day 2 of school, remember? I'm trying to juggle my schoolwork right now. I don't have time for a social life."

"2 weeks. Homecoming. You should ask that Jake guy, and I could go with Joel. We could double."

"Um, no. I get Joel," Lizzie said, smiling now.

"I don't know anyone else."

"Go with Gordo."

"Oh, wait, I'm gonna call him."

"Are you actually going to ask him?" Lizzie demanded.

"No, I'm just gonna call him. Hang on." Miranda pressed flash, dialed his number, then pressed flash again. As she did, she wondered if Gordo had already found a potential date. He probably didn't even know about the dance, but that didn't mean that he didn't have his eye on someone. The phone on the other line rang, and then a somewhat familiar voice answered the phone.

"Gordo? Is that you?" Miranda wasn't sure if it was her friend or not. He did sound a little like Gordo, but at the same time there was something in his voice that made him sound… older.

"You want Dave? I'll get him. This wouldn't happen to be Lizzie or Miranda, would it?"

"It's both of us," Lizzie informed him. She knew by now that the person talking to them was Luke.

"Ah." The girls heard him call "Davie, your girlfriends are on the phone!" Then they heard Gordo's voice.

"Sorry you had to hear that," he told them.

"We don't care," Miranda said. "Have you been informed of the Homecoming dance yet?"

"No, but I take it there is one?"

"Yeah. Who are you going to ask?"

"Well, you'll need to give me a little time."

"Sorry."

"Hey," Gordo said, "Lizzie, if you want a date, I could probably get Joel or Chris to ask you."

"What about me?!" Miranda demanded.

"You don't even know them."

"She met Joel after you left," Lizzie said.

"Oh. Then Miranda can go with Joel and Lizzie can go with Chris."

"And who are you asking?" Lizzie pried. She felt a little defeated now that Gordo suggested Miranda go with Joel and Lizzie go with Chris. She really had her heart set on Joel, and for more reasons than just his looks. He was a really nice guy, and he seemed interesting enough. Above all, she really wanted to get to know him well.

"I've mostly only met guys so far," Gordo said.

"Well, I know a girl named Sarah," Miranda put in. "She's in our French class."

"Is she that really little one that looks like a 6th grader?"

"That's her. Isn't she cute?"

"I'll pass."

"How do they expect people to get dates for Homecoming when it's two weeks after school starts?" Lizzie complained. "If Joel or Chris doesn't ask me, I'll have no date."

"Whichever one of you doesn't get asked, I'll go with," Gordo offered. "And if both of you do, then I can choose my own date."

"What about Ethan?" Miranda asked suddenly. "Probably not many people know him yet. We might be able to get first dibs."

"You could try," Lizzie replied. "But we might need to worry about Claire."

"Hey… what do you mean _I_ could try? What about you?"

"I already asked him to a dance, remember? He said no."

"But…"

Lizzie shook her head and said firmly, "Miranda, I insist that you ask him. I had my chance, and now it's your turn. Really."

"This is a little off subject, but why didn't you say anything about Kate?" Gordo asked. "You said you might need to worry about Claire. Period. No Kate."

"She's finally gone."

"What?"

"Different school."

A confused Gordo asked, "How did her parents manage to pry her away from the school Ethan's going to?" He was sure that Kate would insist on their high school.

Lizzie shrugged. "I don't know."

"They sent her to public school," Miranda said. "They're not Christian."

"Neither are you. Neither is Lizzie. Neither am I."

"I don't know why they did it, they just did," insisted Miranda.

"Fair enough."

"Speaking of Christian, how are you putting up with all this religious conflict?" Lizzie asked Gordo more than Miranda.

"Well, my brother was flipping out that I was reading the Bible," he said. "Then he started breathing down my neck and watching me like a hawk. He reported me to mom like some kind of criminal and started putting words in my mouth." Gordo found himself babbling. He wasn't in one of his better moods, but not quite mad. No, mad wasn't the right word for it. He was just… touchy about Judaism versus Christianity.

"I'm sorry," Miranda spoke for both of the girls.

"I'm a little bitter at him right now."

"We noticed," Lizzie replied. "But that's okay. You guys are brothers; it's your job to fight."

"It's just, this is our first real fight."

"It was bound to happen."

"And… it's almost like he sees me as a traitor. If you guys could have seen the look on my mom's face…"

Lizzie, sensing that he was going through some serious issues, asked, "Do you want us to come over?"

"No." Gordo shook his head. "No, it's no big deal."

"You sure?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah. Listen, I'll see you guys later, okay? I'm gonna eat supper and do a little homework."

"Have fun."

"Yeah. Later." Gordo hung up, but Lizzie and Miranda stayed on the line.

"I think Gordo's having some issues," Lizzie said. "That's the first time he's complained like that in a long time."

"I agree," Miranda confirmed. "But what can we do? Neither of us knows much about either religion."

"I don't know. All I know is that I feel bad for him. He's feeling pressure at school to be a Christian, and he's feeling pressure at home about being Jewish. And me… I don't seem to be getting either. I mean, sure we go to a Christian school, but all the things they teach seem so distant from me. Like they're teaching me Greek mythology or something."

"Me, too. It's a lot more real to Gordo. And now, especially, how he wants so badly to be close to Luke, but now Luke's treating him like a traitor. And he hasn't even converted yet."

"What do you mean 'yet?'"

Miranda shrugged. "Nothing, really. I'm not saying he _will_, but I'm just saying, imagine how bad it would be if he _did._"

"I've heard of Muslims disowning their children for converting. I wonder if Jews would do that, too."

"Not Gordo's parents. I don't think they'd ever do that to him. But still… things would be hard for him at home."

Lizzie nodded. "Well, I hope he gets some of this stuff off his mind. All we can do is be there for him if he wants to talk, I guess."

"Yeah. I'll see you later?"

"Bye, Miranda."


	10. God's Son

A/N: I feel bad about the enormous and boring (and enormously boring) note in the previous chapter, so I figured it was only fair to upload two tonight.

Wednesday, September 10

Luke pulled up to the school and stopped his truck. "You gonna be okay, Dave?"

Gordo nodded. He'd asked Luke to bring him to school early today so that maybe he could see if Pastor was there. He felt like he really needed to talk to a Christian, maybe to prove them wrong or something. It was 6:45 right now, and school didn't start until 7:50.

"I'll be fine," Gordo replied.

"Hey, if you ever wanna talk, it's important that you talk to the right people so you get the right answers. Y'know? And, I'm always here."

"I know. But this is something I really need to do by myself." Gordo grabbed his backpack and opened the door. "Thanks, Luke," he said before shutting the door. Luke waved and drove off.

The school was virtually empty. There was a student here and there in the halls, always alone, and maybe a teacher or two walking to their rooms. It was nothing like passing period, where there was an endless sea of teenage kids rushing every which way.

Actually, Gordo found someone he knew on his way to his locker.

"Hey, Joel," Gordo said, walking up to him. Maybe he could talk to _him._ Joel was Christian.

"What's up, Gordo?" he replied.

"Have you seen Pastor?" Gordo was surprised that he asked for Pastor right away, but on second thought, maybe he couldn't talk to Joel quite as easily as he thought. Gordo didn't know Joel very well, and wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to him about such a serious issue just yet.

"He doesn't get here till 8. Doesn't have class till second skinny."

"Oh."

"Yeah, but you could probably catch him during activity period. Why, what's up?"

"I just had a few questions about the Bible."

"Like what?"

Gordo shook his head. "I don't know if you would understand."

"Try me."

"Well, you know I'm Jewish, and… some of the stuff is just a little shocking, that's all."

"Pretty cool stuff, huh?" Joel asked with a smile.

Gordo snorted. "Not exactly."

"What?"

"I don't know what to think about it."

"Then don't think anything."

Gordo didn't understand. He needed to think _something; _he needed to believe _something,_ otherwise he was just another person with distorted half-this and half-that spiritual vision. He couldn't play that game. He couldn't walk right on the line. He needed to pick a side.

"It's not that easy."

"Just trust God."

"But I don't even know who God is anymore. I thought I did, and now… it's like when you meet a new friend, right? And they tell you all this stuff, like they have a swimming pool and they're on the football team. Turns out, they live in a trailer and they couldn't throw a ball if their life depended on it."

"Doesn't matter. It's still the same person, right? So just because God 'doesn't have a swimming pool' doesn't mean He's changed."

"But He has! Joel, He, supposedly, has a 'Son.' He never told me that."

"God isn't like any other friend. He always talks, but you can't hear him unless you're listening. When was the last time you listened for God's voice?"

Gordo wasn't sure how to answer that one. Was Joel talking about meditation or something? Or prayer? Well, Gordo prayed at the Synagogue, as for meditation… he couldn't remember the last time he'd done that on his own.

"I guess not recently."

"I think your problem is that you _assumed_ that God has a pool. He never told you that. Maybe your parents told you so, and you trusted them?"

"Are you calling my parents liars?" There was a defensive tone in his voice.

"No. 'Liar' is a harsh word. I'm just saying that… well, somewhere along the line, someone was wrong. Either he did it on purpose for some dumb reason or he assumed something that wasn't true. But either way, he lied to someone, and that someone believed him and passed it on. It's not the person passing it on who's lying, in my mind, because they think it's true. It's that first guy who's guilty."

"So my parents are the 'someones who passed it along?'"

"Something like that, yeah."

"What if that's the truth with Christianity? How can you tell the difference?"

"You just go up to God and ask Him if He really _does_ have a swimming pool." Joel smiled and hit Gordo on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Qué sará, sará."

"Does… does God tell you He has a Son?"

"Yeah, among other things. But you can't take my word for it, right? You need to actually figure it out. So do it."

Maybe Joel _did_ understand. He knew that Gordo had to do this himself, with maybe only guidance from others. Joel knew that Gordo couldn't just take his word for it, he needed to actually ask _God._

"Maybe tonight."

"Darkness helps to concentrate," Joel told him. "Just, you know, if you want a tip."

"Thanks."

"Sure." Joel set his backpack down on the hallway floor and pulled out a CD holder. He flipped through it and pulled out a burned CD. "Here. Track 8 reminds me of you. Kind of about going from one religion to another. I don't know if it'll really help you, but you might like listening to it."

"Okay."

"But the first song is the best." Joel sent Gordo a reassuring smile. He didn't know if it would help, but it couldn't hurt.


	11. Joelle

Wednesday, September 10

French One went by slowly since Gordo was so antsy about talking to Pastor during Activity Period, or 'AP' as it was called by many. But, finally, class ended as they always do, and the minute it did Gordo headed down the stairs to Pastor's room. Miranda followed him and asked, "Where are you going? Aren't you gonna stop at your locker?"

"I need to talk to Pastor," Gordo replied.

"Wait a sec… Gordo, hold up." Miranda worked to catch up to her friend. "Hey, let's go see a movie this weekend with Lizzie."

"What?"

"A movie. We used to do it, like, every other week."

Gordo shook his head quickly and refused to look her in the eye. "I don't know if I can."

"Why not?"

"Luke wanted to do something. But… well, I don't know if he still does. Because, you know, I read some of the Bible." He took on a sarcastic tone.

"We could do it Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Whenever you and Luke aren't getting together."

"I still don't know."

Miranda stopped walking and watched Gordo rush down the hallway. Why was he being so distant? The last time he was like this was when he had dated Kelsey Raymond. He wouldn't do anything unless it was with her. Now… now he just wouldn't do anything at all. Miranda understood a little bit of what he was going through. This religious stuff was important to him. But still, he needed some downtime. He needed to stop thinking about it and relax. A movie would be good for him.

"Hey, Miranda," Lizzie said, walking up to her. "Wish me luck."

"For what?"

"I think I'm gonna go ask Joel to the Homecoming dance."

"Oh… good luck." Her response was half-hearted, still thinking about Gordo.

"Then we can track down Ethan if you want," Lizzie offered, trying to cheer her friend.

"Sure."

"What's wrong?"

The two girls started back up the stairs. As they walked, Miranda replied, "I'll tell you later."

Joel's locker was almost right next to the end of the stairway. He was there, putting his books away.

"Hey, Joel," Lizzie greeted. He looked over at them.

"Hey, guys. What's up?"

"Not much. Are you going to the Homecoming dance?"

Joel nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I heard a lot of the juniors complaining about how this school has bad dances, but I guess a lot of freshmen and sophomores are going… and, after all, it _is_ the first dance of the year."

"So… are you gonna ask anyone?"

Joel shrugged. "I'll probably be going with my girlfriend, unless something bad happens between now and then."

Lizzie could feel her spirits sink, but she worked hard not to show it. "Oh, you have a girlfriend?"

Joel nodded. "Her name's Joelle. Isn't that funny? Will got a kick out of it."

Lizzie forced a smile. "That is funny."

"What about you? Do you have your eye on someone?"

"I…" Lizzie didn't know what to tell him.

"You do, don't you? Who is it?"

"Um… no one."

Joel was persistent. "Come on, tell me. I'll hook you up."

"I couldn't-"

"Come on."

"I…"

"It's Gordo," Miranda blurted. Joel and Lizzie both looked at her in surprise. "I mean, come on Lizzie, you've liked him for awhile, haven't you?" Miranda widened her eyes at Lizzie, hoping she would get the hint to play along. Gordo was the safest person to claim for a crush. He would understand.

"Y-yeah," Lizzie said hesitantly. "Gordo." She became even more nervous at the mention of Gordo than she had been when she planned on asking Joel. The mention of her liking Gordo put her in a naturally defensive position, but she didn't completely understand why. Or, she just didn't like to admit it.

"Do you want me to get him to ask you? I can be subtle." Joel winked.

"No thanks. Gordo and I are just friends. I mean, so we… we'd go as friends. It's not a big deal."

"But, Miranda just said-"

"Miranda's such a gossiper." Lizzie smirked in uneasiness and hit Miranda lightly on the shoulder. "Aren't you?"

Miranda played her part. "Yeah, I guess I kind of am."

"Did I miss something?" Joel asked. He could tell that the two girls were acting very strangely, but didn't know why. He hadn't known them for very long, so it was possible they were just strange girls. But he could tell that something wasn't quite right.

"Nope. Didn't miss anything. Excuse us." Lizzie grabbed Miranda's arm and dragged her all the way down the hallway and into the girls' bathroom.

"He has a girlfriend?!" Lizzie demanded. "Why did I never know this?!"

Miranda stood near the wall and let Lizzie pace in fury. "Sorry about that Gordo thing," Miranda apologized. "I was trying to save your butt, and it ended up, well, awkward."

"I don't care about that. He has a girlfriend, Miranda! I feel so stupid. I'm _never_ going to ask a guy out again. It's a good thing he told me before I made an idiot out of myself."

"Lizzie…"

The blonde opened her backpack and pulled out some makeup. She did her makeup when she was frustrated or angry.

"Aw, c'mon, Lizzie. It's no big deal," Miranda insisted. "Really. Nothing happened. We're clear, huh? You can ask Ethan if you want."

"Ethan won't go with me," Lizzie replied, putting mascara on. "He didn't go with me before and he won't go with me now. Joel won't go with me. Probably no one ever will. You have a better chance with Ethan than I do."

"Don't say that, Lizzie. You've had a couple boyfriends and I haven't had one. You-"

"You never wanted one," Lizzie replied.

"That doesn't matter. I've never been asked out before. Ronnie really liked you."

"Number one, Cody asked you to a dance. And two, Ronnie dumped me for someone else."

"What about Frankie?"

Lizzie stared back at her own wet eyes in the mirror. "I've never been enough. I wasn't enough for Ronnie and I'm not enough for Joel."

"Quit talking like that. Joel will be free within a week, trust me. Relationships don't last long."

"Why is he dating her and not me?"

Miranda knew there was no right answer to the question, so she put her hand on Lizzie's shoulder and slid it to her back, then giving her a hug.

Lizzie sniffed and she began to cry. "It's the third day of school and he already has a girlfriend. I should have known. Cute guy like him probably has girls all over him. He could have his pick. And, well, it wasn't me."

Miranda pulled her away and held her shoulders, looking into her eyes reassuringly. "I'm sure he'll save you a dance."

"Yeah, if Joelle lets him."

Miranda hugged the crying Lizzie once more. "Hey, what about Chris? He's cool. I'll bet he'd love to go with you."

"Even if he did save me a dance," Lizzie continued, still stuck on the comment about Joel. "I'd just be licking up her leftovers."

"It's okay."

"I wonder if Gordo knew. He should have told me. We just talked to him last night. Why didn't he say something?"

"Gordo didn't know." Those were the only words of comfort Miranda felt that she could offer.

"I bet he did."

"No, he didn't."

Lizzie sniffed and wriggled out of Miranda's arms. She put her hair behind her ears and bent down to grab her backpack. "Forget it. Do I look bad?"

Miranda bit her lip. "You look like you've been crying."

Lizzie sighed and threw her backpack down in frustration, but her voice was still broken. "I'll never be able to leave this bathroom."

Just then a girl came in. She took a look at Lizzie and gave her a sympathetic smile. "Girl, whatever it is, you're gonna be fine," she said.

"Thanks," Lizzie replied.

"Guy troubles?" Lizzie nodded. "Well, unless he's the hottest senior in this school, he doesn't deserve you." She pulled some eyeshadow out of her purse and began applying it.

"Thanks again," Lizzie repeated.

"Hey, it's okay. Everyone has guy stuff to worry about. Funny thing is, the guys never go to their bathrooms to cry about _us_."

"No, they don't."

Then another girl came in and grabbed the first girl's arm. "Joelle, your boyfriend's waiting for you."

Lizzie and Miranda both looked at Joelle, surprised. How many Joelles could there be in the world?

"Are… are you a freshman?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah," Joelle replied.

"Are you dating Joel?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Lizzie looked away and spoke quietly, trying to hide her anger. She felt as though this girl had betrayed her, being friendly at the beginning and then revealing that she was actually the enemy. "I know him. I sit with him at lunch."

"Really? Wow, I didn't even realize who I was talking to. Are you Lizzie?" Lizzie nodded. "He's told me about you. You and someone named Gordo."

"Gordo's my friend."

"Funny. So, we can all just be one big happy family. And, hey, if you're looking for a date, snatch up that Chris Van Morgan. He's a nice guy." She winked and left the bathroom with the other girl. Lizzie turned to look at Miranda.

"I hate her," were her first words.

"Why? She was so nice…"

"She was ugly, and… snotty."

"She was not," Miranda insisted.

"I think she was," Lizzie said with a pout.

"And she wasn't ugly."

"Yes she was."

Miranda shook her head. She knew well that Lizzie only didn't like her because she was Joel's girlfriend, and Lizzie knew that Miranda knew. The only reason Lizzie didn't admit it was because then it would be finalizing the whole thing too much. She was trying to convince herself that she didn't like this girl, and if she was going to do that she couldn't say the opposite. _I need to take Joelle out,_ she thought to herself. _I just met the Kate Sanders of the next four years._


	12. Spiritual Baggage

Wednesday, September 10

Gordo poked his head into the Pastor's room. Pastor was talking to someone else, a girl who was probably a sophomore or a junior. He smiled when he saw Gordo and welcomed him in with a wave of his hand, but he spoke to the girl to wrap things up. "Just try that and let me know how it goes," he said. She nodded.

"Thanks, Pastor."

"Anytime." The girl left and closed the door after her, and Pastor turned to Gordo. "Hi, David. How are you?"

"I've kind of been… carrying a lot of spiritual baggage."

Pastor nodded. "I know, and I'm sorry. It can be stressful."

"Yeah."

"Have you read Matthew?"

"Not yet, but I started it. It said in there that they named Him Jesus because He was going to be a Savior…"

Pastor nodded. "What did you think of that?"

Gordo shook his head as he sat down on a couch in the room. "I don't know what to think. I talked to Joel and he seemed to think that everything was so simple. He just kinda shrugged and told me to spend time with God, and He'd lead me the right way."

"That's a good idea, but I don't think Joel's giving it the concern that the matter needs."

"Yeah, he seemed really… calm. Almost apathetic."

"Joel can get like that."

"But, I mean, it's cool. He gave me a Christian CD… we talked some things out. He was helpful."

"I'm glad. What do your parents think?"

"My mom's worried, but it's mostly my brother Luke that bugs me. He thinks I'm a Christian."

"Sometimes even the people we love don't understand."

"Oh, my mom understands, I just don't think she really… I don't think she trusts _me_ to make the right choice."

"I taught Luke here a few years ago. Did you know that?"

"Yeah. What'd you think?"

"He was very intrigued by Christianity at first. In fact, he almost subscribed to it. He had one last question before he was baptized, and instead of asking me, he asked his Rabbi. We both had answers, but he refused to come to me. He would only talk exclusively with the Rabbi. The trick isn't asking the right questions, it's receiving the right answers. Remember that."

"Luke almost converted?"

Pastor nodded. "Just about."

"Maybe that's why he's so mad about me reading the Bible."

"It probably is. But your mom and your dad, they didn't mind?"

"I didn't talk to my dad, but my mom… I think she's gonna deal with it, but she's not overly happy about it. Did my mom and Luke know each other while he was here?"

Pastor shook his head. "I don't know; that's something you'll have to ask one of them. Luke was living in a foster home, but he and your mom might have had contact. I really don't know."

"I just…" Gordo shook his head. "This is hard, because so many people insist that God is real and I just want to scream at them 'I know that God is real, but _which_ God?' It's hard."

"Maybe you want to come to my church sometime? With your parents' permission, of course. You could maybe go with Joel. I'll write a sermon just for you." He had a twinkle in his eye.

"I don't know if I'm ready to go to a Christian church yet, but thanks."

"That's fine. One step at a time, that's how we do this. Do you want some books or something, or are you just going to figure this out alone?"

"I need to do this by myself," Gordo replied politely. "I have to avoid biases, which includes Christian biased books... no offense. But thanks. I'm gonna… I'm gonna listen for God tonight, like Joel told me. Maybe I'll get some answers. Maybe I'll be fully Christian or fully Jewish by tomorrow morning."

Pastor nodded. "You know, maybe Joel seems so apathetic because he knows that you'll make the right choice. That's something he's always stressed."

"How does he know I'll choose whichever one's right?"

"Well, maybe you'll choose the _wrong_ one - not comforting to you, I know - but even with the wrong religion, it's in God's plan. Whatever you decide, that's part of God's plan."

"That's a cool way of thinking of it."

Pastor nodded. He believed the viewpoint was overly simplistic and could be unhealthy if it were exaggerated, but he knew where the theory came from. "Joel's known a few friends that have died, and his mom… well, her, too. His step-sister... well, he's had to deal with a lot. He's learned to deal with everything by reminding himself that everything is part of God's plan, and everything works out for the better."

Gordo looked down. He felt really bad for the guy. He had friends that died? How scary. Gordo didn't know anyone his age that died, though he knew that it did happen. On top of it, Joel didn't even have a mom.

"How did his friends die?"

"Some of them were things like drugs and alcohol, others were just small mistakes. One was hit by a boat when a bunch of them went swimming in the lake… one was killed when his house was set on fire, because he'd been messing around with fireworks. Joel's also known two suicides."

Gordo was amazed even further. He figured Joel had two or three dead friends, but the way Pastor said it… he made it seem like there were so many more. "How many people does he know that have died?"

Pastor shook his head. "I don't know. It's probably something you should talk to him about, not me. I don't feel comfortable telling you too much about his personal life."

"That's so sad."

Pastor nodded. "Joel… he's a good kid, but sometimes I fear for his life when I see some of the people he hangs around with. But he seems to keep a distance, even from some of his friends. He usually doesn't go to the parties they have and things like that. And sometimes he tries to get them to come to church. Still, I'd say that his only _real_ friend right now is Chris, and maybe you depending on how close you two are. Do you know Chris?"

Gordo nodded. "Not very well, but we've been introduced."

"Yeah, he's a good young man."

"How does he know those other friends?"

"His neighborhood." Pastor glanced at his watch. "But David, I think people are going to be coming in soon for class. Why don't you have a seat in a desk?"

Gordo nodded and obeyed. Pastor winked at him to show that just because he was now in "teacher mode" he could still be fun. Gordo smiled, but his heart was still heavy. Maybe it always would be. Gordo felt like he'd never be sure of anything again. Was he doomed to wonder about Judaism and Christianity for the rest of his life, or would he someday be sure again?


	13. Hospital Trip

Wednesday, September 10

As Joel was passing Gordo at his locker that day after school, Gordo stopped him and asked, "Hey, Joel, can I have a ride home?"

Joel shifted his weight. "Where do you live?"

"Not far. Maybe five miles west."

Joel shrugged. "Sure, but I'm going home with a friend. He probably won't mind, though. Let's go; he said he was gonna pick me up soon after school."

Gordo nodded and they headed downstairs. Joel smiled when he found a familiar guy that he knew. He had blond hair and a pair of sunglasses on the top of his head. He was grinning congenially back at Joel. "What's up, man?" the guy asked.

"Not much. Wasn't expecting you to come in here... did you park or something?"

"Yeah, I got here early. Didn't have school today."

"Why not?"

The guy smiled a little. "I kinda got suspended."

"You what?"

"C'mon, I'll tell you on the way to your place." He began to turn, then paused, turned back around, and looked to Gordo. "Who's this?"

"One of my friends. This is Gordo. Gordo, meet Trevor."

Gordo nodded to him. "Hey."

Trevor didn't reply back. "What's up? He comin'?"

"Yeah, he needs a ride home."

"Okay, sure." Then the three guys continued out. Trevor tossed the keys to Joel and headed for the passenger side of his old station wagon. "What do you think you're doing?" Joel asked.

"You know where that guy lives?"

"Well, kinda, but it's sort of illegal for me to drive..."

"Just get in the car."

Joel rolled his eyes and looked to Gordo. "Don't worry, I'm a good driver," he said. Gordo was unsure about the whole idea, just because he wasn't one to live life defying the law. But he got in after Joel unlocked it. He made a point of putting his seatbelt on.

"Why'd you get suspended?" Joel asked as he started up the car.

Trevor shook his head and leaned forward to fiddle with the radio. He spoke quietly, in mumbles now. "This stupid party we had before."

"Ah. That'd do it."

Settling on a station, he turned it down a bit and then leaned back in his seat as Joel pulled out of the parking space. Trevor knew what Joel had assumed about their party, and he felt the need to clarify. "It wasn't a big deal. We've had worse, I mean."

"How'd you get busted?" The "severity" of the party didn't even matter. Joel knew there was illegal drinking, and probably sex – maybe even illegal sex – going on, and if it was wrong, it was wrong. He didn't care about "worse" or "better" nights.

"Oh, that. Tom got wiped over."

"He what?"

"He passed out, man." Trevor sighed and shook his head, remembering the night before. "We had this big fight about whether or not to bring him to the hospital, and one of the dumb chicks brought him."

"Maybe that wouldn't have happened if you weren't there."

Trevor rolled his eyes. "Don't start with that parental shit. Really, man, I don't need it."

"Sounds to me like you do."

"Dude, I only had a few. There were people there a lot worse than I was."

"And that makes you sober?"

Gordo was secretly proud of how Joel was talking to the guy. At the beginning of the conversation it sounded like Joel supported it, or was at least neutral, but now it was clear that he wasn't. But Gordo knew it wasn't his place to say anything to Trevor because he didn't know him, so he was glad that his opinion was gaining a voice through Joel.

"Shut up."

Joel drove in silence for a little bit, then came to a light. He asked which way to turn, Gordo replied, and then Joel asked Trevor, "How's Tom?"

"He's in the hospital. Can't be doing too bad."

"Any of you guys gone to see him?"

"You kidding? We're too hung-over to feel like it."

"You get the guy faced and you don't even go there to apologize?"

Trevor's tone changed from apathetic to defensive. "Hey, he got _himself_ drunk."

"I doubt that. Other than me, Tom's the most sensible of all of us. You pressured him, didn't you?"

"I told you, that wasn't one of the worse parties."

Joel shook his head. "Why do you guys party on a school night, anyways? That was your first mistake."

"There are no good days or bad days to get drunk. It's just as much fun on a Tuesday as it is on a Saturday," Trevor said with a smile. Then he added, "Besides, this way we get the rest of the week off from school."

Keeping his eyes on the road, Joel shook his head in frustration. None of the guys ever understood. "This is _not_ funny."

Trevor groaned. "Man, get over it. You're so uptight." He turned in his seat and looked at Gordo who was in back. "Isn't he? I'll bet you hate hanging out with this deadbeat."

"He's not too bad," was all Gordo said. He wanted to take Joel's side, but he was intimidated by Trevor.

"Which hospital's Tom at?" Joel asked.

"Huh?"

"You heard me, which hospital?"

Trevor turned back around. "Take a right and you'll see the signs. I don't know the name of it."

Joel followed his directions. "Sorry, Gordo," he called to the back seat. "But I need to go see Tom. No one else is gonna, and someone needs to be there." Gordo nodded to show he understood. "Man, I can't believe you did this," Joel complained to Trevor, his voice somewhat soft. He was more in disbelief than frustration now. "Tom has a family. What if he would have died? He has people that would care a lot more than the people that would care if _you_ died."

"What about you?" Trevor shot back. "All you have is an old man. Oh… and a 'God.'"

"That's more than you have," Joel snapped. He was angry now. He hated it when people talked about his only living blood relative, his father, and he hated it even more when his atheist friends mocked his God. "You have some whore in a bed and a bunch of meaningless drugs."

"Hey, Joel, c'mon, I-"

"Don't talk to me. We're done, okay?"

"Hey, dude, I didn't mean that and neither did you. We're the kind of guys that like to talk, huh? Nothing more. Neither of us meant that."

"There's a reason you said that," Joel insisted. "There's always a reason."

"Yeah, and that reason is that we both like to talk. We throw insults back and forth; we're guys, we can't help it. Sometimes we go too far, and we just did. So I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry."

"Fine, man, whatever." Joel parked the car in the hospital parking lot and unbuckled his seatbelt after he pulled the keys out. "You don't have to come in, Gordo," he called to the back seat.

"Um… I'll go in if no one else is staying."

"I think I'll stay in here," Trevor said, settling back into his seat.

Joel turned to face him, anger still in his eyes. He jerked the keys out of the ignition violently. "You're coming in and apologizing," he replied. "Let's go."

Trevor groaned again and opened his door. He slammed it to make the point clear that he wasn't happy about the whole thing. Gordo got out and the three guys walked into the hospital. There, they talked to a receptionist and a nurse to find out where Tom was, and luckily were able to see him. They walked into his room and, fortunately, he didn't look too bad. The situation could have been much worse.

"Hey, Tom," Joel said. "I heard about last night."

"Joel?" Tom asked, sounding groggy. "You didn't need to come here."

"Yeah I did. You know me."

"Who's the short guy?"

Joel turned and looked at Gordo. "Gordo. He's a freshman at my school. Trevor's here, too."

"Oh."

"Tom, who convinced you to drink so much? You were always one of the smarter guys, I thought."

Tom smiled a little. "Thanks. To be honest, I don't really remember much. But don't be too hard on the guys, okay? I never should have walked in."

"They should have respected you enough to watch your blood-alcohol level," Joel insisted. "This never should have happened. Do your parents know?"

"Oh, yeah. They were nice at first, but I have a feeling that once I get home they'll give me the scuz of a lifetime."

Joel returned a small smile. "Yeah, probably. I'm just sorry this had to happen to you. You had the most to loose out of all of us."

"Man, calm down, I ain't dying. I'll be fine."

Joel turned and looked at Gordo and Trevor, who were standing there silently. "Well, I need to get going. I'm Gordo's ride home, and Trevor's mine, so we have a few stops to make."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'll stop by in a couple days, okay? I promise."

"I know, dad."

Joel's smile grew at hearing Tom call him "dad." Joel was the most sensible of all the guys he hung out with, so he was often called that. It was their way of almost making fun of him, but Tom made fun of him in a friendly way. It was like Trevor said… the guys bonded by giving each other petty insults. Nothing big, just little cracks here and there. It somehow made them more comfortable around each other.

"Later, man. Stay strong." Joel led the guys out of the room and they went back to the car, but not before Joel asked the nurse what visiting hours were. He wanted to make sure he was able to see Tom later.

"How old's Tom?" Gordo asked when they got back in the car.

"Tom's a senior. Oh, and Trevor's a junior. I didn't mention that."

"Joel," Trevor said quietly. Joel looked over to him before he started up the car.

"What?" Joel was concerned since Trevor's tone was so serious. He was the kind of guy who was always calm or always angry, but he was never just plain solemn.

"You really worried about Tom?"

Joel shook his head slowly. "No, I don't think so. He's gonna be fine. The only thing that makes me mad is that he might _not_ have been fine. I don't know how you guys could have let it get this far."

"It was Alex, but don't tell him I told you."

"Alex and who?" Joel knew that Tom was fairly mature and that it would take more than one person to push him into something he knew was wrong.

"Alex, Brandon, Jake…"

Joel nodded. "Were they in trouble for it?"

"No one knows it was them, except us guys. No one's talking."

"What about the girls that were there? Will they talk?"

Trevor shrugged. "Depends... maybe. Joel, look, I'm really sorry. You're right, all this drug/alcohol stuff does is take us to the deathbed one by one. Even Jason…"

Joel looked to the backseat at Gordo. "We'll talk about Jason later," he said to Trevor. "I think we're depressing Gordo." He smiled at his friend through the rearview mirror. "You okay? Kind of in shock?"

"I had no idea you had friends that were so… wild."

"Yeah. But anyways, do you know how to get to your house from here?"

"Sure I do." But in his mind, all Gordo could think about was Joel and his life. Pastor told him about all the deaths that happened, and Tom was just another bad thing. He wasn't a death, but like Joel said, he could have been. His friends were disappearing… slowly but surely. Stupid egotistical things, drugs, alcohol, and suicide were stealing Joel's friends, and Gordo wished more than anything that there was something he could do.


	14. Daphne

Wednesday, September 10

Joel called up Gordo that night around 5:30. He felt a little bad for pulling Gordo into the hospital to talk to one of his drunken friends, and for Trevor's overall behavior. Joel knew that Gordo lead a more sheltered life; that was obvious by simple things like the way he talked, dressed, the people he hung out with. Joel knew that Gordo either had never, or was rarely, exposed to the things that him and Trevor had talked about in that car ride, and he felt bad for pulling him into it.

"Hello?" a lady answered the phone.

"Is Gordo there?" Joel asked.

"He's taking out the trash, but he should be back in any second. Who is this?"

"My name's Joel. I'm a friend from school."

"Oh, hello, Joel. This is David's mother."

"It's nice to meet you… over the phone."

She laughed. "Here he is. Goodbye, Joel." She handed the phone to Gordo and he said, "Hello?"

"Hey, Gordo, it's Joel. I just want you to know, I'm really sorry about Trevor. He's kind of a jerk."

"He wasn't that bad," Gordo replied. Trevor did make him feel a little uncomfortable, but, as Gordo had said, he wasn't that bad.

"And the whole Tom thing. I mean… I guess I didn't have to go to the hospital, but sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that cares, and I figure Tom needs someone there… someone who's _not_ going to yell at him once he gets home. But I'm sorry for dragging you along."

"Don't worry about it," Gordo insisted.

"Well, those are my friends, I guess. Never a dull moment."

"I can imagine."

"They have drinking parties practically every week, or at least it seems like it. But this is the first time they've been busted in awhile."

"Do you ever go?"

"No. Well, once in a blue moon, I guess, but only the calmer ones. And I don't drink at them."

"Then, if you don't mind me asking, why are you friends with guys like that?" There was silence on the other line for a moment, and Gordo added in a rushed voice, "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

"No, I don't mind," Joel said. "I guess it's because I've always felt like maybe if I hung around them long enough, I'd be able to help them. Maybe."

"I respect you for trying."

"Thanks. But I've been friends with them for about eight years now, and nothing's really changed. I'm starting to lose hope."

"Don't do that. You said Tom was one of the calmer ones… maybe that's because you made him that way. Just keep at it."

Joel smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess he used to be a little more wild. I never thought I did any good, but I guess maybe I did."

"Of course you did."

"Thanks."

"Hey, you helped me."

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just worried about Tom now. He was hoping to rack up some good scholarship money, and once they find out about this…"

"He'll find money. What kinds of grades does he get?"

"Lots of B's, I think. Maybe a couple A's here and there, but mostly B's. He's pretty bright."

"He'd probably get a free ride at Clown College."

Joel laughed. "Yeah, I guess. He'll probably end up going to a university like the rest of us."

"Don't say that. There's nothing wrong with universities. My brother goes to the University of Texas."

"You have a brother?"

"Technically he's a half-brother, but I think of him as my brother."

"That's cool. I wish I was closer to my step-sister so I could think of her as a real sister. But I don't think I'd ever get close to her."

"Why not?"

"Well, relationships have to be mutual. You need to want it and they need to want it, and Daphne's always so distant." He paused. "So, anyways… have you spent a little time with God yet?"

"No."

"Then I guess I'll be going, so you can get to it."

"No, wait. I can talk a little. I was planning on doing it around seven, because the house'll be empty and I wanted to be alone when I did it."

"Oh. That's a good idea."

"Yeah."

"In that case… have you listened to my music yet?"

"Nope. Haven't done that, either."

"What are you doing?" Joel demanded. "Anything?"

Gordo laughed. "Homework. Nothing worth mentioning."

"I see."

"What about you?"

"Well, Trevor hung out at my house for a little while, so we played Tony Hawk for a little bit and just kinda hung out, then he left, I ate supper, and called you."

Then Joel was distracted from the phone when he saw the door handle twist. It was the door that led to outside. In walked a tall girl with strawberry blond hair with green streaks, wearing a black leather miniskirt and nylons, and a red top with tassles down her stomach.

"H-hang on a sec," Joel told Gordo. He put the phone to his shoulder. "Daphne, what are you doing here?"

"I need money," she replied. "Is dad here?"

"Ask the bank for a loan, why don't you? My dad's not an ATM." Joel's tone was more than hostile.

"Shut up, you little worm. Where's dad?"

"I don't know."

"Urgh!" Daphne stomped past him and walked upstairs towards her step-dad's room. She knew that Joel wasn't going to tell her anything, so she'd just have to find out herself.

"And he's not your dad!" Joel called up after her. Daphne casually made a rude gesture with her hand and continued on her way.

Joel shook his head and put the phone back to his hear. "I just got flipped off by my step-sister," he muttered.

"Wow," Gordo replied, truly surprised.

"I think I have to go. I'm damage control."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later, I guess."

"Bye."

Joel hung up the phone and walked up the stairs to his dad's room. Daphne almost ran into him as she stomped out.

"Where is he?!" she demanded.

"I told you: I don't know."

"You do, too!"

"You wanna quit calling him 'dad?' He only has one kid, and that's me. You may not have realized, but you and I aren't related by blood."

"Whatever." She started downstairs and grabbed a coke out of the fridge.

"I'm serious."

"So am I! I don't care!"

"It really bugs me."

"_You_ really bug _me_."

"Why do you need money?"

"None of your business."

"Then what are you gonna tell my dad?" He purposely inserted the 'my' in front of 'dad' to show that the man was truly _his_ dad, and no one else's.

"I don't need to tell anything to my _dad_," Daphne replied, playing his game and showed her possession by calling him her father as well. "He never asks."

"Is it for drugs or something?"

Daphne rolled her eyes. "For your information, it's not. I have a fine to pay."

"A fine? What kind of fine?"

"It's not a big deal, okay? How much money do you have in your room?"

"Me? I don't have any money."

"Last I saw, you had three hundred dollars."

Joel squirmed. "Well, how much do you need?"

"Three hundred dollars."

"Forget it!"

"Give it to me, runt!" Daphne grabbed Joel by the shirt collar.

But Joel was a very strong guy. He worked at the gym every day and he had for the past few years. He didn't want to hurt her, so he didn't punch or kick or anything, but he merely shoved her away from him. Her grip was lost.

"Why don't you wait till dad gets home?"

"Because it needs to be in the mail by the time the post office closes or else I get fined again. Why don't you give me money now, and then when you see dad tell him and he'll pay you back. Deal?"

"No, because you shouldn't take money from dad, either."

"Hey, I thought we were family?"

"We're not family. I don't even know you. Get out of my house."

"You-"

"Get out of my house!" Joel snapped.

Daphne glared at him through her lavender eyes. "Fine, I'll ask one of my friends. I know people with a lot of money."

"Yeah, drug dealers are rich."

She gave him a last shove before she left the house. Joel rubbed his shoulder where she'd pushed him and glared after her.

"I need a new life," he mumbled to himself.


	15. Conversation with God

Wednesday, September 10 

It was 7:05 as Gordo went into his room with the hopes of having some good God time that night. He shut the door and turned off the light, but a little bit of faint light shone through his blinds. Gordo folded his hands and sat in silence for a little bit, then decided that maybe God wanted him to initiate the conversation.

"Well, God, here I am," Gordo said. "I'm… well, You know where I am, I guess, but I'm here sitting in my room, waiting for You." He sat in darkness for a few more minutes. "God? Aren't You there? What am I supposed to do to get You to talk to me?" More darkness, more silence. Nothing happened. Gordo sat in silence for ten minutes, then he finally got angry.

"I thought I was supposed to talk to You!" he shouted. "Well, here I am talking, and You're not saying anything! Joel said You would talk if I would listen, and here I am listening, and… and You're not here. Why not? What do You want me to do to get You to say something?!" Gordo's hands were rolled into heavy fists as he tried to stay calm, and he sat for another few minutes when he got frustrated again.

"Hello? Did You get lost on the way to my house or something? Where are You?! You're not here, that's all I know! You're not here! Why won't You talk to me? What did I do wrong? I'm trying to find my way to You, God! I'm trying, believe me! But… I can't do it by myself. I can't do it with Joel or Pastor or mom or Rabbi. I need _someone_ who absolutely _knows_ the truth, and… and You're the only person that does! But You won't talk to me, will You? What, why not? Talk to me! I'm listening!"

Gordo sat in more silence until he couldn't take it anymore. He picked up his pillow and threw it across the room as hard as he could. "Why won't you talk to me?!" he roared as loud as he could. "Can't you hear me, God? Can't you see me?" He took in one deep breath, then continued shouting, "Don't you care about me?!" He let out a loud noise of despair, picked up his pillow, and yelled as loud as he could into it. Then he took it away from his face and continued to yell at God. He yelled for a few minutes, until finally he felt like he had nothing left to yell. When this happened, he fell silent.

Then a peace came over him that he couldn't explain. It was strange, because he had been going insane from frustration and anger, and all of a sudden he was just… peaceful. He had no more anger left. In fact, he could barely even remember why he'd ever been mad. Did it matter? He decided then that nothing mattered, so he continued to sit, but this time he sat in peace, not in anticipation as he'd done before.

Gordo honestly didn't know what happened next. He didn't know if the Bible had floated into his hands or if he stood to pick it up. Things seemed a blur. But then, that was because nothing mattered, he reminded himself. Nothing mattered other than this tranquility that he was feeling. Nothing in the world.

"God… now I know You're here," he said softly. There was silence again, but it was not tense silence. It was a beautiful silence. God didn't speak in words as Gordo had assumed, but He spoke in the feelings that Gordo felt. Because suddenly, Gordo felt the urge to call up Pastor. Why Pastor and not a Rabbi or Luke or his mother? Why did he fell like he had to call a Christian?

He knew the answer.

"God… what about my parents, and Luke? What about all my friends from Synagogue? What about everything I've ever learned and believed?" There was another pause of silence, and then Gordo stood unexplainably and walked out of his room towards the phone. It was as if God was saying, "That doesn't matter. I have a future for you."  
Gordo's fingers tripped over the numbers and before he knew it, the phone on the other line was ringing. Then he realized that he didn't know Pastor's phone number. Who had he just called? Was it Lizzie or Miranda on instinct? Or was it some total stranger?

"Hello?" someone asked. It wasn't Lizzie's parents or brother, and it wasn't Miranda's parents.

"Is Pastor there?" Gordo found that his tone was pleasant, and he hadn't even tried to make it that happy. It must have been an effect of God.

"This is Pastor. Who is this?"

"David Gordon."

"Oh, hello, David. How are you?"

"I'm good," Gordo replied. "I'm really really good."

"I'm glad to hear it. Have you made a decision already? I don't think you should rush this…"

"No, I think I _have_ decided. I think God wants me to be a Christian."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I… I feel like He's with me, right now, standing right next to me as I'm talking to you. I think He urged me to call you, and… I think he wants me to be a Christian."

"Well, David, I don't have to tell you that there's no arguing with God."

"I don't even know your phone number. I don't know how I dialed…"

"So you were talking to God tonight, huh?"

"Yeah, I was. I don't want it to end."

"It won't, not if you stay strong. I think it would be good for you right now if you hung up the phone and read the Bible, unless you have some questions or something I can help you with."

"No, I think... I think I'll read some."

Pastor smiled. "All right, then. I'll talk to you tomorrow at school."

"Thanks, Pastor."

"Don't thank me. Not yet." They both hung up and Gordo turned back to his room. He whispered, "Thank you, God."

A/N: Estella - Yeah, about the eyes, I wanted things about her to stand out a lot. She's a very striking person. She has colored contacts, which I think I even address later (this story is finished, it actually has been for about a year now), but for her "entrance" to the story I wanted that sort of surprise about her. As for the college/university stuff, I was more talking about public, state universities, which I'm now planning on specifying since you brought that up. Here, state universities are pretty easy to get into. Assuming you don't want a real strenuous program like pre-med.

Earnest - I'm going to be honest, I've never felt like I had a good handle on Lizzie or Miranda, which is why my LMG fics focus on Gordo. For the beginning of this fic I wanted them to be around because the show is, after all, called Lizzie McGuire. But they fade pretty fast from here on out. I apologize for the OOC-ness of it all, though.


	16. Joel's Story

Thursday, September 11

The next day at school Gordo sought Joel out right away. He knew that Joel got to school early since he'd seen him there before, so he went early as well. He found Joel, much like he had before, walking around in the hallway, but something seemed different about him.

"I listened to God last night," Gordo told him, walking up to him. "It was incredible. You were right, Joel. You were right about everything. You even chose the right religion."

"That's good," Joel replied. He didn't seem happy.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just in a bad mood today, I guess."

"Why?" Gordo couldn't understand why anyone could be in a bad mood. God was _real_. What's more, He was real, and He dwelled among them. How could anyone be less than absolutely jubilant?

"It's Tom. And… well, and the rest of the guys, I guess."

"Maybe I can help," Gordo offered.

"I don't think so."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Well…" Joel looked over at him. "When I talk, I babble at a hundred words a minute. You might not understand anything."

"That's okay. Sometimes it helps just to say it."

"Okay, then. First of all, it really makes me mad that they had a party the other night, and that Tom got it so bad. He usually doesn't drink much. The most I've seen him have is two, which I realize is still illegal, but it's not that bad compared to most of the guys. And he has a family… he's more careful than that. Tom's the only one of us that lives with real, biological parents – two of them – and has living siblings. He's not that bad off, and I just don't understand why he would have done that. And my sister dropped by yesterday… she's up to no good. Trevor's all of a sudden like 'Let's talk about Jason 'cause he's important' and no one really wants to talk about it since the wound is kinda fresh yet. And… y'know, beer, all it does is take away my friends one by one? And all of them are too stupid even to realize that… either they're stupid or they just don't care. I don't know which one's worse. I feel like I'm trying so hard and getting nowhere with these guys. And sometimes I just feel like I should give up on it and just have a drink, but I can't. Because I have a dad, and a God, just like Trevor said. And I have a future. They would, too, if they'd just…" Joel sighed and looked to Gordo. "See, I told you, I babble."

"That's okay, I don't mind."

"It's cool that you listen."

"It's cool that you share."

"I never told you about Jason, did I?" Gordo shook his head. "Jason was a suicide. He was depressed and drank, which is never smart since alcohol is a depressant and it makes things worse. One day last week, he had a beer and decided it was over. Put himself in a car in the garage and let the fumes take care of him."

Gordo looked down. "I'm sorry."

"Everyone says he killed himself, but I say it was the beer. It just made things worse. If that can wouldn't have been there, he wouldn't have sunk that low, y'know? Then maybe I wouldn't have had to end my summer with a funeral."

"How old was he?"

"16. Just broke up with his girlfriend, his mom was sleeping around, and he was getting all negative about school starting up. I don't know which one was the worst for him, but they all managed to do it, together."

"And he didn't know God?"

Joel shook his head. "Only one of my Christian friends has ever died. Got hit by a boat out on the lake one day. We were all being morons then… some of us more so than others. But he went the farthest out from our boat, and the other guys didn't see him below." Joel didn't mention it because he thought it might go under the "too much information" category, but he still remembered the blood in that area of the lake just after it happened. Andy had been run over by the boat, and then diced by the propeller. He still remembered exactly what his friend's body looked like when they pulled him out.

"Wow. That's really rough."

"I've gotten surprisingly used to it, which is actually probably a bad thing."

"There's nothing wrong with learning how to deal with that stuff," Gordo said, which was about all that he could think of to say. What else was there? He didn't know how to reply to Joel's comment.

"Yeah, I guess you could put it that way."

"Are all of your friends upperclassmen?"

Joel smirked. "They're all sophomores, juniors, or seniors. I don't hang out with a lot of freshmen."

"Why not?"

"I don't know… I guess because I grew up with those guys so I just hang out with them a lot. I'm used to people my age or older."

"But you're a freshman."

"Oh, yeah, but I'm fifteen… sixteen in a couple months. I started kindergarten a year late."

"Oh. That explains why you drove."

Joel nodded. "Yeah, sorry I forgot to mention that. But it seems like my Christian friends are mostly freshmen and sophomores. I don't know why my religious friends are younger than my neighborhood friends."

"Maybe because your Christian friends are more mature," Gordo guessed.

Joel snorted. "That's for sure." He paused, then said, "Hey… quick change of subject. Have you listened to those CDs yet?"

"No, I haven't really had time."

"That's cool. Keep 'em over the weekend."

"Okay."

"I have to go make a phone call," Joel said, reaching in his pocket for money. "But I'll talk to you later. If nothing else, during lunch."

"Sounds good."

"Oh, and Gordo?"

"Huh?"

"You wanna go play paintball with me and some of my friends next month?"

"Your, um, Trevor and Tom friends?"

Joel laughed. "That's what they're called now, are they? To answer your question, some of them will be there, but so will some of my other friends. Chris is coming, too. We need thirty people to go so we can get a deal."

"Sure, I'll come."

"Sweet. Later." Then Joel walked away.

Gordo had a sick feeling in his stomach, and then realized that whenever he talked to Joel he became… well, not depressed exactly, just… less happy. It was probably because of all of Joel's harsh memories, and his telling Gordo about them. Joel had a tendency to bring Gordo's spirits down unintentionally. And, in a way, Gordo's good mood vanishing could be traced back to Trevor and the rest of "the guys" as they were called. If they were calmer, Joel wouldn't have as much stress, so he wouldn't tell Gordo about it. It could be classified as Gordo's own fault for listening, but he didn't want to deny Joel the chance to tell him what was on his mind. Besides, he was curious, and he sort of wanted to know what was going on in Joel's life. His was much more exciting than Gordo's, anyways.


	17. Andy

A/N: This fic started as a LMG fic, then it became a Gordo fic, now it's practically an original since I have so much Joel in here. I'll try to make him converse more with Lizzie and Miranda since it just seems normal that they'd still hang out, especially since the first week of school isn't even over yet. I guess I've been focusing too much on Joel. This is one of my world famous memories. Fyi, this takes place when Joel's 14 (it is, therefore, a year back in time) and takes place during the summer.

_Everyone has a cosmic golden moment in their teenage years that lifts them as close as humans are allowed to get to heaven. Whether they believe it is heaven or not is their decision, but the same thing remains true. Everyone knows this feeling; it comes on a sunny day and begins with a good warm shower in the winter, or a good cold shower in the summer, and continues with the best breakfast we've had in years. Near the middle of our day we see friends, and go out to do our favorite thing with them. While we do that thing, we feel a spark that tells us that nothing in the world is better than what is happening right now._

_Everyone on the boat felt that spark._

_Joel, Marty, and Andy were sitting on the bow of the boat, feeling the air as the teenage guys cruised the lake. Tom was driving the boat, and going almost as fast as it would go. Also there was Jason, Neil, and Dale, sitting near the back and drinking their Cokes, Dr. Peppers, and Barq's. And each of them felt it at the same instant; things didn't get any better than this._

_After they went over a large wave, Tom slowed the boat to a stop and pulled off his shirt. "Hop in, guys," he said. They all took of their own shirts and jumped into the lake from the boat. They cheered as they did it, some doing cannonballs and other things as they jumped. The sun was deathly hot, but the water was cool and filled with life._

_The guys swam in the water for a few minutes, straying farther and farther from the boat with each second. Finally, one of them hit the limit… and broke it._

_"Andy, dude, watch out!" Marty screamed. It was too late. Andy looked in alarm at the large boat that already was practically on top of him. He gave a yell, but it was cut off when the boat hit him._

_"Andy, man!"_

_The guys yelled things, some were to the people in the boat, some were to Andy. The people in the boat stopped it and looked down at the guys in the lake. "What happened?" one of the girls asked. "I think we hit something."_

_"You hit Andy," Dale said quietly, almost unbelievingly._

_"We hit what?!" the driver demanded._

_Neil swam over to where the killers' boat was and found the brown lake water slowly become red with blood. "Fifteen-year-old Andy Martin," Neil said. "You hit him."_

_Time seemed to stop. No one moved because they were in shock. The people in the boat couldn't believe that they'd just killed someone, and the guys in the lake couldn't believe that one of their friends had just died. Finally, Joel dove under the lake. He'd convinced himself that Andy could still be alive, and was possibly drowning. Andy's body was a little farther down that he expected, but it was in the process of floating to the top like a human body should. But the most horrific thing about him floating back to the top was that he wasn't kicking, trying to speed up the process. He wasn't kicking or paddling with his hands… he didn't even have his eyes open. Joel wondered where he could grab him as he saw his friend's body that was torn apart. He looked like a rag doll… ripped and torn in so many places, and throwing blood out like a fire hydrant._

_Finally Joel got over the shock of seeing his friend like that and took him by the hand. He didn't want to grab him around the waist, because there was a big gash in his side and Joel didn't want to get his hand in it. He pulled Andy to the top and was instantly surrounded by the rest of the guys who tried to bring his body back into the boat._

_One of the girls in the other boat screamed. One of the guys cursed. As for the teenage boys in the water, they didn't say anything. Not one word. They all just worked together to bring their friend back into the boat. Once he was there, they laid him down on the floor and looked at the damage done by the propeller. No one had to even try to do CPR, no one had to check a pulse or heartbeat. He was obviously dead, because some of his insides were coming out of the gash on his side, along with still more blood. He was white and lifeless as ever._

_None of them would ever forget exactly what he looked like._


	18. Rift

Thursday, September 11

The bell rang and Lizzie got out of her English seat. First block was over now, and it was time for chapel. Jake stood with her and walked out with her.

"Are you going to the homecoming dance?" Jake asked. Lizzie turned to him.

"Yeah, probably."

"Do you wanna go with me? I mean, if you don't already have a date."

Lizzie looked at him in surprise. She was still sad about Joel turning her down, and here was this guy that just asked her out! The invitation made her happier than she'd been in the past twenty-four hours.

"Yeah. I'd love to."

"Okay, cool. I'll see you later, Lizzie." 

Lizzie smiled as Jake walked away. She now had a date to the dance! Her smile grew as she walked quickly to her locker, put her backpack inside, and then headed to the auditorium where they were having chapel. She found Gordo, Miranda, Joel, and Chris sitting near the back on one of the sides. She sat next to Miranda on the end.

"Hey, guys," Lizzie greeted.

"Gordo's taking me to the dance," Miranda told her. "Ethan turned me down."

Joel gave Lizzie a secret 'I'm sorry' look since he thought she liked Gordo. She knew that she somehow needed to clear it up.

"That's cool," she said. "I just got a date."

"With who?" Gordo asked.

"The guy that sits next to me in English. His name's Jake."

"Cool."

"Maybe we'll go see a movie after the dance," Miranda suggested. "We can go back to my house after it ends."

"When _does_ it end?" Lizzie asked.

"Eleven," Joel put in. "But I heard that they'll sometimes go five or ten minutes over."

"What'll we watch?" Lizzie asked.

"Ever seen Bourne Identity?" Gordo asked.

"No." Miranda agreed with a "Nope."

"Then it's settled. I'll bring the movie."

One of the teachers went to the front and everyone quieted down. During the next half hour, Lizzie and Miranda both noted that Gordo seemed more interested than he had last time and they both began to suspect the truth. Something was different about Gordo now compared to yesterday. He didn't seem to be carrying the weight of the world anymore.

After chapel, they all stood and Miranda said, "Something's different about you, Gordo."

"I'm still me," he replied.

Joel put a hand on his back and said, "Gordo converted last night."

"You what?!" both of the girls demanded.

"He did?" Chris asked. Joel nodded.

"Sure did."

"Um… yeah, but I don't think I want it advertised quite yet," Gordo said, a little uncomfortably.

"You can tell Joel but not us?" Miranda demanded. Lizzie hit her lightly on the arm and shook her head, as if telling Miranda to stop.

"Well… Joel's a Christian."

"He's known you for four days! You, Lizzie, me… we go way back. How come you can tell _him_ stuff you can't tell us?"

"I gotta get to class," Joel said quickly. Then he started hopping over chairs to get out since the aisles were too crowded. Chris followed.

"I just thought Joel would understand, that's all," Gordo told them. "And besides, he can help me. He gives me advice and stuff."

"We give you advice," Lizzie said quietly. She wasn't totally opposed to Gordo telling Joel before them; after all, he did have a point about Joel being more spiritual. At the same time, however, she could see Miranda's point.

"Not this kind of advice."

"Us three have told each other everything up until now," Miranda insisted. "Just because we aren't Christian – or Jewish, even – we still understand. We helped you with your Bar Mitzvah stuff."

"I just… I don't want a lot of people to know until I tell my parents and Luke," Gordo explained. "And… well, I guess that might be awhile."

"But we're not people, Gordo. We're your friends," Lizzie replied. "We've always been able to share things. And keep them a secret."

"You didn't keep Kelsey Raymond very well."

"That wasn't as big as this. It was some stupid little date thing, and this is a life-changing experience."

"Which makes me even scared about when, if you guys blow it."

"Which makes us even more sure that we won't," Miranda insisted. "Why can't you trust us?"

"That's not the main issue. The main issue is that I'm still not totally sure. I mean, I felt God last night, but I can't just jump into this. I need to do some more exploring yet. The only thing last night changed was that now I can explore the right religion, but I'm not done yet. I don't feel very comfortable telling it to everyone I know."

"My argument still stands," Lizzie said. "We're not just people. We're your best friends."

"Look, I'll call you guys tonight, okay? I have to go, too." The three tensely filed out of the auditorium, Gordo feeling guilty and Lizzie and Miranda feeling un-trusted and unloved by their best friend.


	19. Joel's Friends

Thursday, September 11

Joel knocked softly on Pastor's open classroom door. He smiled and stood from his desk when he saw the young teenager standing there in the doorway. "Come on in, Joel," he welcomed. Joel returned the smile and sat on the couch.

"You talked to Gordo lately?" Joel asked. "Today, I mean?"

"No, not really."

"He's a Christian."

"Oh, yes, he told me that. He called me up last night."

"Really? That's nice."

"He said you had something to do with it."

Joel nodded. "Uh-huh. Wish it was that easy with Trevor and the rest of the guys."

"How are they doing?"

"That's why I came here. Turns out, Tom's in the hospital. They got him drunk at a party, and one of the girls there took him to the hospital after he passed out. Bunch of 'em got suspended."

"Is Tom the one with the family?"

Joel nodded. "The only one of us, too. He has a biological mom, dad, and two sisters. And he lives with all of them. No divorces or anything messy. Just… a straight life."

"Is he a junior?"

"No, he's a senior. That makes the matter significantly worse."

"If you're talking about college, I don't think they'll really care what year he was suspended. They'll just know that he was suspended at some point, and no matter which year it was, it won't look good."

"Well, his parents'll probably work him over once he gets home."

"Do they hit him?"

"No, but they like to yell."

Pastor smiled a little. "Something you need to learn about parents, Joel: we all like to yell."

Joel smiled back. "Yeah, I gathered that. Sounds like Brandon and Alex were in on it… Trevor told me. He also said Jake, but I have my doubts about him."

"How old's Jake?"

"He's only fourteen."

"Hey, don't get cocky. You're only _fifteen._"

"Sixteen soon."

"I never liked Alex."

Joel hit his pastor on the shoulder jokingly. "C'mon, you never liked any of my friends. Admit it."

"All right, so I haven't. But he's always been one of my _least_ favorites."

"To be honest, I don't really care for Alex, either. Only reason I hang out with him is because I hang out with Trevor and Trevor hangs out with him. One of those network things."

"What about Brandon?"

"He's not so bad once you get to know him."

"Joel, listen, I don't think that these friends of yours are very healthy on your faith. You're slowly becoming numb to the sins that they do, and eventually you won't be able to see the wrong in them. I think you should forget about them."

Joel looked surprised. "You kidding me? I've been friends with these guys for eight years! I can't just forget about them. And we've been through so much together… someone once said that a true friend isn't someone who watches you go through tough times, they're someone who goes through those times with you. That's what we've done for each other."

"I know, but…" Pastor tried to think of an analogy. "Remember Matthew in the Bible? Jesus says 'follow me' and he just got up and did it. Left everything behind… even his friends."

"But doesn't God also want us to witness? I'm trying to change these guys. Believe me, I am."

"I believe you, but Satan is tricky. He can get into your head without you even realizing it."

"I'm still strong. I always have been. I know these guys aren't exactly Mother Theresa's, but they all have good hearts. They just have bad backgrounds and don't know how to deal with it… that's all. I just need to keep trying to expose them to more and more God until one day… it just happens."

"What about when you had that can of beer?"

Joel frowned. "I knew you were gonna hold that against me one of these days."

"You said you've always been strong, but I know that you'll sometimes weaken under pressure. You never break, but you usually bend. That's unhealthy."

"Yeah, but that can is exactly why I don't go to the parties anymore."

"Yes you do. Every other month."

"Okay, that's it. I'm never telling you anything again."

Pastor smiled. "I'm just saying that it's very hard, almost inhuman, to totally resist the temptation one hundred percent of the time. These guys effect your thinking whether you realize it or not. They effect the way you live, the way you talk, the way you dress…"

"There's nothing wrong with what I'm wearing right now." Joel looked down at his white t-shirt and baggy jeans. "Absolutely nothing. God would be proud."

"I know, but if you keep hanging out with them, how will you be dressing your senior year?"

Joel paused to think, and then he said, "I've been hanging out with them for eight years and nothing's changed so far. Will three, four more really make or break me?"

"You'd be surprised… especially since the teenage years are the years you develop into who you will become. When you're young… nothing really matters. But once you hit thirteen, fourteen, all the way to about eighteen, those are the years that make your character for the rest of your life."

"Well, then I'm halfway there, right?"

"Listen, I just wanted to give you some advice. I don't think they're a good influence on you, that's all. But if you feel like God wants you to witness to them… well, who am I to argue with that?"

"It's not like if I ditched them I could get away from it all, anyways," Joel said, continuing the conversation. "I think Daphne's always gonna be stopping by until her drugs eventually kill her off, and sometimes I wonder if my dad'll ever get enough money to move us out of that stupid ghetto we live in. And I'll always have friends who died from things like that… and I'll never forget them."

Pastor nodded. "I know. But God's stronger than that. He's stronger than your neighborhood, and your financial problems… and, believe it or not, He's stronger than Daphne's addictions. He can change her, so never rule anyone out."

"I'm sorry. I just can't see her as much of a church person."

"Ooh, and never use that term around me. I hate that stereotype of Christians."

"Sorry. I get it from the other guys."

"Ah! You just proved my point!" Pastor pointed to Joel triumphantly.

"What?"

"They _do_ rub off on you."

"Aw, man! Did I just loose the debate?"

Pastor nodded. "You just lost."

"I hate it when I loose."

"Go buy me a soda and I'll let you off easy without too much humiliation."

Joel smiled. It was one of their games… whenever they started talking about spiritual things they tended to get into debates, and whoever lost them had to buy the winner whatever they wanted that was cheaper than five dollars. Usually they ended as ties, like this one was about to end as if Joel wouldn't have said his last statement. Unfortunately, he did, and he'd just lost.

Which lead him to wonder… was Pastor right? Joel knew that he didn't hang out with a good crowd, but he seriously tried to change them. He didn't hang out with them because he liked the things they did… it was just the opposite. Jesus Himself went to the "sinners" to preach. Joel knew that it's human to become like the people you surround yourself with, but it wasn't like Trevor and Alex were his only friends. He had people like Chris, and other "Andys" that went to his church. His friends sort of… "canceled out."

Joel went back into Pastor's room with a Sprite in his hand. "I know that's your favorite," he said with a smile.

Pastor laughed. He'd never cared for Sprite. "Smart alec," he muttered.

"Hey, Pastor, you said to never write anyone off; everyone has a chance. Well, what about these guys I'm trying to change? Are you saying that I'm wasting my time with them since there's no hope?

"No, of course not. But once a human is confronted with Christianity, they'll either accept it or reject it. These guys have rejected it numerous times. Once that choice is made, it's only a miracle that will change them. There's not much more you or I can do. That's all I'm saying."

"So it would take a miracle to change them?"

"Yes. I think you should start with this Tom kid. His being in the hospital… maybe that's the miracle you've been waiting for. Once he's in, he might convince someone else. Who knows?"

"So then, you're saying lie low until a miracle, then make my move?"

Pastor shook his head. "Joel, just follow God, okay? He'll lead you. It doesn't matter what you do. Like I said, if you feel that God wants you to witness to these guys, then do it. I can't argue with the Big Guy."

"But it would take a miracle to save them."

"Well, in a sense. But miracles are strange things to put a pin on. How do you define 'miracle?'"

"I would say it's an act of God."

"Good. But anything can be an act of God. Sometimes we don't even know a miracle when we see one. The birth of a child, that's a miracle. Remember first day of class, when we talked about the feeling of heaven? That's a miracle. And maybe, like I said, this guy being in the hospital is a miracle. David converting, that's a miracle. Praise God."

Joel smiled. "Praise God," he agreed. "I'll go see Tom today after school. Thanks, man."

"You ever wanna talk, you know where I live."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. You're standing in it."

Joel laughed. "You live in your office?"

"Practically."


	20. Anna and Steve

Thursday, September 11

"Did you say Wilson? W-i-l-s-o-n?"

"Yeah. Tom Wilson."

"He's not here."

Joel looked confused. "What? That's crazy. He was here two days ago."

"I'm sorry, we don't have anyone here by that name. What was his room number?"

"I don't know."

The man looked to his right and talked to the nurse who was switching charts. "Claire, do you know of a Tom Wilson staying here?"

"Oh, Tom? Yes, I do. We sent him home this morning."

The man turned back to Joel. "Sounds like he went home."

"Thanks." Joel left the hospital and got back in the car that was waiting for him by the entrance. "Guess what, dad," Joel said as he got in. "Tom's at home, now."

"That's good."

"Can we drop by?"

"Sure. But you have homework to do."

"I know. I'll be quick." Joel and his dad rode in silence the rest of the way to Tom's house. Once they pulled into his driveway, Joel asked, "Are you coming in?"

"I don't think so."

"His parents are really nice. You could swap child punishment ideas."

Joel's dad smiled and took the keys out of the car. "All right, I'll come in." They went up to Tom's door and rang the doorbell.

Tom's house was one of the nicer ones in the neighborhood, but that didn't say much considering that most of the houses in that area were pretty ragged. They didn't have to wait long outside of the house before Mrs. Wilson opened the door. "Hello, Joel," she greeted with a smile. "Are you here to see Tom?"

Joel nodded. "How is he?"

"He's up and running again, but he won't be once we decide how long he's grounded for." She opened the door wider so that they could come in. "The boys are in his room," she said. Then she looked to Joel's dad. "You must be Mr. Prett."

Joel heard them exchange friendly conversation on his way up the stairs. He entered the second door on his left and found Tom sitting on his bed – messy as ever – and five other guys standing or sitting about the room.

"Hey, Joel!" one of them, Alex, greeted.

"Hey, guys. What's up, Tom? You're out already."

Tom nodded. "Yeah, the whole thing wasn't that serious."

"Aw, listen to him be modest," Marty said with a smile. Marty was one of the younger guys; he was the second youngest, right next to Jake.

"Your parents haven't banned you from friends yet, I see," Joel noted.

"Nah, they're laying down the law tonight after supper."

"Enjoy the time you have left here on earth," Brandon advised him. "You're gonna be grounded for life."

"Only till I'm eighteen. Then I can get out of here."

"Man, why would you want to?" Marty asked. "You have the one thing we all want, and you spend half of your time daydreaming about getting away from it."

"You want my family? You can have 'em."

"I just want your sister," Steve said slyly. "That Anna…"

"We'll have to fix her up," Brandon agreed.

"You aren't doing anything to either of my sisters," Tom said firmly. "Joel, I feel your pain."

Joel smirked. "Don't say anything about Daphne, or you'll start 'em up."

"She's too smart to go for any of these guys, though," Tom stated.

"Are we talking about the same Daphne?"

"I mean… she wouldn't go for any of us. She's more… mature."

"Like heck she is," Joel muttered. "You don't know her like I do."

The guys laughed and Joel started thinking about his talk with Pastor that day. These guys… they weren't so bad. All they did was hang out, talk, and laugh. Well, except at the parties… but Joel didn't go to those, anyways.

"Hey, speaking of girls," Trevor began, cutting through the chuckles. "That guy, Gordo, girls like him?"

"I don't know," Joel replied.

"We should test it out."

"Yeah, the day you date Anna," Joel said sarcastically. "Gordo's a lot more level-headed than you guys."

"What, like you?" His tone showed that he meant it as an insult, but Joel pretended like he didn't notice and shrugged.

"Yeah, like me."

"He want to come to a party?"

"I'll speak for him on that and say no."

"Who are we talking about?" Marty asked finally.

"Gordo," Tom said. "He the one that came with you and Trevor to see me the other day?"

Joel nodded. "He's a Christian."

"We can fix that," Alex said. Joel glared at him.

"He's too mature for that."

"Y'know what I think?" Steve asked.

"No one asked you," Joel replied. Steve stood.

"That a shot, Prett?" he asked, his voice raised.

Tom stood and went in between them. "Hey, hey, hey, come on, now. Every time we get together someone gets in a fight with someone else. Usually someone gets in a fight with Joel."

Alex snorted. "I agree with that."

"Is it my fault?" Joel demanded.

"Doesn't matter who's fault it is," Tom answered. "Just stop."

"There you go, trying to please everyone again," Brandon complained. "Man, just shut up with that crap and tell it like it is. Yes, Joel, it is your fault. You're overly sensitive. We don't mean anything by our cracks; we just like to have a good time."

"Don't say that to me," Joel replied. "I know you all mean it."

"Tom's right," Marty jumped in. "It doesn't matter. Just shut up and let's talk about something else."

"If you keep setting the open can aside, someone's eventually gonna drink it," Alex stated. "We might as well just dump it out."

"What if someone _wants _to drink it?" Steve asked.

"Man, shut up with this analogy stuff and let's get on with it," Brandon said. "Let's talk in plain English, here."

"No, Alex is right," Joel replied. "We need to talk about this stuff or else it's eventually gonna blow up."

"We've heard you talk!" Steve snapped. "You talk almost every time, and I'm sick of listening. We don't care anymore."

_"You_ don't care anymore," Tom corrected. "I don't remember telling you to speak for me."

"Fine. Whatever."

"Man, Tom's right," Marty said. "We always fight. Can't we just shut up and have a good time?"

"It's easier to have a good time when Joel's not here," Trevor said. "When was the last time we fought without him?"

Joel recognized the statement. Sometimes when they fought they would end up kicking Joel out because they thought he was the cause of their bickering. "Then why don't you just kill me?" Joel challenged.

"I don't know, maybe your 'God' persuaded me otherwise!"

"Maybe He did."

"Boys!" Tom's mother's voice was heard calling up from downstairs. "You aren't fighting, are you?"

" 'Course not!" Steve called back down. "We never fight!" Then Anna, Tom's younger fifteen-year-old sister, walked in.

"Can you keep it down? I'm trying to study."

"What you studying?" Steve asked casually, suddenly calm. He was usually the hothead in the group, but now he was suddenly playing it cool. He was trying to get in good with Anna, who was a more clam girl.

"Science."

"No way! I rule at science. Need help?"

"Yeah, you rule at every subject she needs help with," Brandon muttered sarcastically. There was snickering by the guys who heard him.

"I don't think so, thanks. I just need it a little quieter."

"No, really, I aced that class last year. Really, it's totally fresh in my mind."

"Right…"

"Ann, he's not gonna quit till you let him help you study," Tom stated. Anna looked at Steve.

"Fine, whatever." Steve winked at the guys as he left Tom's room.

"What a dork," Brandon said after he shut the door. "He doesn't know how to get a girl at all. That was a disgusting display. Needed Tom's help just to get her."

Joel nodded. "Yeah, that was pretty bad."

"Sick thing is, he's the most experienced of us all," Marty pointed out.

"No, Alex is," Tom said.

"Can we talk about something other than your guys' sex lives?" Joel asked, irritated.

"Joel's just jealous because he's never gotten anything," Alex stated.

"C'mon, man. If I was really jealous of you, I'd have you beat so fast…" Joel found himself boasting to gain favor in Alex's eyes, which was something he hated doing. He knew it was wrong to brag about something like this, but he almost felt like he had to. He was mentally kicking himself for talking like this. He knew that he was disappointing God.

"Would you bet your life on it?"

"Didn't we just have this discussion?" Tom demanded. "We're not fighting in my room. You guys really want to, then go outside."

Alex stood. "Let's do it."

"I'm not getting into this," Joel said evenly. "Fight with yourself."

"You scared?"

"No, I just don't feel like I should have to prove myself to you."

"Why not?"

"Come on, man, he said he doesn't want to!" Tom said. "Just sit down. Don't you fight enough when you're drunk?"

"I need to go, anyways," Joel said.

"What? You just got here."

"I know, but I promised my dad I'd be quick."

"Dude, next Saturday?" Brandon asked, inviting Joel to their party that was then.

"I don't think so."

"Why not? You too good for us or something?" Marty asked.

"No, I just don't want to go," Joel replied.

"Ask that Gordo guy," Trevor said.

"No, he's going to a dance."

"Man, those dances are dumb anyways. Come to our party."

"Don't you ever get sick of waking up with a hangover?" Joel asked. Then, without another word, he left.


	21. Invitation

Friday, September 12

Friday after school Lizzie went to Miranda's locker. She waited for a few seconds, and then Miranda showed up.

"Hey, Lizzie," she greeted. "First week of high school: done."

"Yeah, I know. I'm already excited for summer."

Miranda laughed. "I like high school so far. But, I have a feeling that it'll wear off in a few days and I'll be back to hating school just like always. If nothing else, I'll hate it second semester when I have a hard schedule."

Just then Gordo came up to them. "Hey, guys," he said. "Listen, I wanna apologize for being so distant the last few days. I've just been thinking about religions a lot, and I guess I didn't feel like you guys could relate."

"We can't really," Lizzie replied. "That's why it's okay."

"Just don't let it happen again," Miranda put in. They laughed.

"Why should we wait until next week to see a movie? You guys wanna come over to my house and watch something?" Gordo invited.

Lizzie shrugged. "Why not?"

"Actually, tonight's not good for me. My abuelos are coming over for supper tonight."

"That means grandparents, right?" Gordo double-checked.

Miranda nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, I'm just used to calling them that."

"Well, why don't we do it tomorrow?" Lizzie asked.

"Why don't you guys watch something tonight, and I'll meet you at the Digital Bean tomorrow for lunch?" Miranda suggested. "Then I don't have to put a cramp in your plans."

"Why don't we watch the movie next week like we originally decided and just meat tomorrow for lunch?" Gordo replied.

"Or we could do that."

"But, Gordo, I thought Luke wanted to do something with you this weekend?" Lizzie reminded him.

"I don't think Luke and I'll be doing too much bonding for awhile," Gordo replied. "He's kind of been ignoring me the last few days."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. He'll get over it."

"Sometime you have to introduce us to your date," Miranda said to Lizzie. "He cute?"

Lizzie nodded. "Yeah, he's kinda cute. I mean, he's not ugly or anything. But he's really nice, too."

"That's cool."

"You guys'll like him."

"What's his name?" Gordo asked.

"Jake. I don't know his last name, though."

Then Joel came up to the three of them. He gave Gordo a pat on the back. "Hey, Gordo," he said. He nodded to Lizzie and Miranda. "Ladies."

Lizzie and Miranda smiled and said, "Hey, Joel."

"So, listen, how important is the homecoming dance to you guys? Because some of my friends from the neighborhood are having a party that night an they wanted Gordo along. You two can come, too, if you want."

"Your Trevor and Tom friends?" Gordo asked. Joel laughed.

"Yeah, my Trevor and Tom friends. I told them you were too smart to go to any of their parties, but Tom called me up later and made me promise to at least extend the invitation, even if you say no. So this is me, extending the invitation. But I recommend you don't go; don't tell 'em I said that."

"I think I'll pass," Gordo replied.

"I knew you were too smart for that."

"Why?" Lizzie asked. "What's so bad about it?"

Joel winced. "Well… they're kinda weird guys…"

"That's okay."

"They're kinda stupid guys."

"Aren't all guys?" Miranda asked.

"They're kinda disrespectful to girls guys. Like I said: I recommend you don't go, but I'm still telling you about it since he made me promise. So, I guess I can't stop you…"

"Yes you can," Gordo replied. "Don't tell them where it's at."

Joel smiled. "Yeah, I guess I could do that honestly."

"Are you going?" Lizzie asked.

"Me?" Joel replied. "I don't think so. I promised Joelle… anyways, I don't like their parties very much. They usually have beer and private rooms, and I don't do that stuff. I mean, don't get me wrong, they also have movies and music and stuff, so you don't have to drink or whatever if you don't want to, but it's just really hard not to. Once you're there…" Joel remembered the first time that he'd drank beer. He went to the party insisting to himself that he wouldn't do anything wrong, but then once they started pressuring him, he gave in.

"Maybe I'll go to the dance," Lizzie said. Miranda nodded.

"Maybe I will, too."

"You two do everything together?" Joel asked.

Neither Lizzie nor Miranda knew what to say. Finally, Miranda spoke. "Well, we just have the same opinions on a lot of stuff."

"But we do a lot together," Lizzie added. Miranda smiled.

"Practically inseparable. Gordo, too."

Gordo nodded. "Sad as it is, I spend most of my time hanging out with two girls."

Joel laughed. "I know a lot of guys who would love to spend most of their time with two girls. You have it made."

"Yeah, except when they gang up on me."

"Lizzie and Miranda? Nah. They seem sweet enough."

Lizzie tried not to blush.

"Hey, you two wanna play paintball next month?" Joel asked the girls. "We need thirty people to go so we can get a deal."

"Are these 'wild' friends gonna be there?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah, all of 'em. But some of my other friends are coming, too. Church friends, like Will. You like Will."

"Paintball. Sounds like fun," Miranda said thoughtfully. "I'm in."

"I've never played paintball before," Lizzie said.

"That's okay," answered Joel. "I don't think Gordo has, either. All you do is shoot the other team and try not to get shot yourself. We'll play an easy game."

Lizzie wasn't sure she'd enjoy paintball, but it sounded like a good excuse to hang around with Joel, so she said, "Well, I've wanted to try it for awhile now."

"Here's your chance."

"Sure. I'm in."

"Awesome. I have to go, now. Can't keep my dad waiting. I just had to keep a promise, is all. See you guys later." He waved and left.

"So, we're doing the movie next week and lunch tomorrow?" Miranda checked.

Gordo nodded. "Unless there's an objection."

"Sounds cool," Lizzie confirmed. "I'm gonna go now, but I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"We'll walk you to the front," Miranda offered. "My parents'll be here soon, too."

"Yeah," Gordo agreed. "Let's go."


	22. Weights Challenge

Saturday, September 13

Lizzie smiled at Gordo when she saw him enter the Digital Bean on Saturday. "Miranda had to see her grandparents to the airport," she told him. "She said if she's not here by 12:30, she's not coming."

"That's too bad."

"Yeah, but we'll see her on Monday. And us three can hang out after the dance."

"Speaking of the dance, do you want to go out with Joel, Chris, me, and our dates before the dance? Jake, too."

"You're going with Miranda, right?"

"Yeah."

"So she'll be there."

"Yep."

"And Joelle, and… who's Chris's date?"

"I don't know. I think her name was Ashley. She was raised in Tokyo."

Lizzie raised her eyebrows, finding the information a bit random. "Um… good for her."

"Just thought I'd tell you that."

"She's Japanese and her name's Ashley?"

Gordo shrugged. "That's what Chris said. Don't ask me."

"Right. So, anyways… where are you guys going?"

"Probably Applebee's or something. Somewhere close. I figure you, Miranda, and I can go out to eat, go to the dance, and then go to one of our houses and watch the movie. Sound good?"

"Fine by me. Should I bring Jake?"

"Probably, since the rest of us will all have our dates. But if he can't come, I'm sure Miranda would share with you."

Lizzie smiled. "I'd like that."

"So, I know it's kind of far off, but maybe you'd save the next dance for me? If you don't really really like Jake, or if Ethan asks you or anything like that…"

Lizzie shook her head. "I'll save the next dance for you, even if Ethan asks me. Which, by the way, he won't."

"Not when you have that attitude."

Lizzie smiled. "But if Joel asks me I might have to turn you down…"

"Joel? Let me guess: the Ethan Craft of the next four years."

Lizzie nodded. "Possibly, though Ethan's still high on my list, I'd say."

"I wouldn't have a problem with that. I like Joel. He's a cool guy."

"He doesn't seem like a freshman."

"No kidding. He practically has his license."

"What?" Lizzie demanded.

"He turns sixteen in, like, two months or something like that. I was wondering why all his friends were juniors and seniors."

"I had a suspicion that he was older," Lizzie said. "The only thing that assured me he was our age was that you have freshman religion with him. But I guess… what, did he flunk or something?"

"No, he started kindergarten a year late, he said. He's actually really smart, especially in science."

"Not as smart as my best friend," Lizzie replied. Gordo laughed in response.

"Smart_er_. The guy's a genius. After one day of class he can recite every line the teacher said word for word. His head's like a tape recorder."

"That's the kind of thing I always thought about you."

Gordo shook his head. "You're too kind."

"And he has a good body. He must work out or something."

"Yeah, he goes to the gym every day after school, and he has for a long time now. He said he works there for a few hours, then when his shift is over he does the real working out."

"What does he do there?"

Gordo shrugged. "Beats me. He said he could get me in free if I ever wanted to work out, but I don't know about that. Too many big sweaty guys grunting."

Lizzie smiled. "I'd do it with you."

"You? Working out?"

Lizzie pretended to be insulted. "Well, why not? Girls can work out. And anyways, it's not like we'd do it on a regular basis. I'm just saying if you want to go in sometime… well, I'd go with you, I guess. Miranda'd probably come, too, if you asked her."

"You and Miranda lifting weights…"

"What so funny?"

"Nothing."

"Well, you know, you're not exactly Mr. Buff, either, Gordo."

"Oh, I know. Trust me, I really do know. It's just that, you don't really seem the lifting type."

"What is the 'lifting type?'"

"Just about any guy, or a tomboy. You're not exactly either of those."

"I'll have you know that a lot of girls lift weights for sports."

"You're not very athletic, either, Lizzie. I mean, sure you do a mean freethrow in gym, but what teams have you been on in the past three years? Rhythmic gymnastics for about a week, and that's it."

"You're not very athletic, either, Gordo."

"I don't need to be. I'm a guy. Guys don't need an excuse to work out."

"Well, let's do it. Right now. Let's go to the gym for a few hours."

Now Gordo's eyebrows furrowed. "You serious?"

"Why not? Afraid I might be able to lift more than you?"

"No, I just didn't think we were gonna do this… especially not today."

"Well, why not today? Come on, Gordo. Do you know where Joel works?"

Gordo nodded. "I'm not sure if he's working right now or not. We could maybe call him, and if he's not home then at least his dad would know."

"Or we could just go. Who cares if he's working or not; if he is, we'll see him there, if he isn't then we won't. Come on, let's go."

Gordo shrugged and stood. "Okay, I guess. How long are you planning to work out?"

"Till you drop," Lizzie replied. "I'll go twice as long as you do."

"You couldn't do five pounds for curls," Gordo said with a smile.

"Yeah, tough guy?"

"Yeah."

"Well… you can't… bench press… much." Lizzie fumbled for an insult. "And… and you can't run that far."

Gordo laughed. "Save it for the weight room."


	23. Breakup

Saturday, September 13

Joelle walked into the gym and straight down the hallway. There was a guy at the counter, but he hadn't been paying attention. He was doing his homework, and the girl went past him so quickly and quietly that he didn't even have time to look up.

She knew where he would be. She went in one of the rooms and found him putting some weights on a bar. After he felt the tap on his shoulder, he turned.

"Joelle," he said. "What…"

"I need to tell you something, Joel," she replied. "I know you're working, but this won't take long. I promise."

Joel turned to the guy he was helping and gave him a smile. "Uh… hang on a sec? You can find someone else to spot if you want." The guy nodded and Joel lead his girlfriend to the nearest corner. "What's up?"

"I just figured something out, and I had to tell you."

"And…"

Joelle took a deep breath and said, "I love you."

Joel frowned. "That's what you figured out?" She nodded eagerly and Joel looked to the ground. "Well, um, how'd you figure it?"

She blinked, confused by his reaction. "I just thought about it a little is all. Why… don't you love me?"

"Uh, no, I don't think so."

"What?" She sounded angry, but Joel couldn't be sure since he wasn't looking at her.

"I don't think I love you."

"Why not?"

He turned his head up and was firmly assured that she was definitely mad. "Well… you can't know that. Only God knows that. And, well, you probably won't meet Mr. Right until you're halfway through college. You're only fourteen."

"So?"

"So you don't love me."

"Yes I do." She glared at him. "But you _obviously_ don't love me."

"Joelle, I really really like you, okay? It's like… a strong physical and mental attraction. But it's not love. I'm sorry."

"Then why are you dating me?"

Joel shrugged. "Because I like you."

"Well, maybe I want a boyfriend that _loves_ me."

"Well, maybe you're not gonna find that for about ten years yet," Joel replied, taking on her tone in a mocking way.

"All of your friends tell their girlfriends that they love _them,_" she pointed out.

"All of my friends say that so they can have sex with their girlfriends," Joel replied. "That, or they're sadly mistaking lust for love."

"But…"

"Look, Joelle, I respect you too much to lie to you. That's why I can't tell you I love you. I'm fifteen years old; I only love my dad and my God. I don't know what real love between a guy and a girl really is yet. And, though I know you're gonna argue with me on this, I don't think you do, either. Neither do any of my friends."

"Who are you to judge my feelings?" she demanded.

Joel sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm just thinking it's a little soon to be writing wedding vows. We've been dating for less than a week."

"I need a boyfriend that will love me," Joelle told him. "And if you feel like you can't, well, then you're out."

"If you loved me you wouldn't be able to drop me like that."

"Hey, I told you, don't tell me how I feel!" she snapped. "I do love you, but I know that you're just gonna disappoint me eventually so I might as well break it off while I'm still sane. I'm going to find a guy that can give me what I need out of a relationship." She ran out, making sure to slam the door behind her. A few people looked at Joel, surprised. Joel shrugged, muttered something about women, and exited the room.

He shook his head on the way to the front, surprised at what had just happened. Their relationship had been going fine, he thought. Why did they even break up? It didn't make any sense.

"Go spot for someone," Joel told the guy at the register. "I need to sit." The guy nodded, patted Joel on the back sensing that he was bummed, and then left. Joel sat there for ten minutes, doing nothing but staring, until he snapped back to reality and realized that Gordo and Lizzie were standing before him.

"Wow, I'm sorry, guys," he said. "Uh, how long have you been waiting?"

"Not long," Gordo replied. "You look confused."

"Actually, I'm a little bit of everything. I'm confused, angry, and even a little amused all at once. Joelle just broke up with me."

"How are you amused?" Lizzie asked. Joel smiled a little, but his eyes still held his lost look.

"_Why_ she broke up with me. We've been dating for four, five days and she's mad because I don't tell her that I love her. Girls are so sensitive."

"Tell me about it," Gordo agreed.

"Not all girls," Lizzie said. "That's a stereotype. That's like when we say all guys are dogs."

Joel snorted. "All guys _are_ dogs."

"That's not true. You're not so bad, and neither is Gordo."

"Your problem is that you know him too well and me too little. You've known him so long that you're blinded to his bad qualities, and you don't know anything about the things I've said or thought or done. That's the only reason why you think that." Then he paused, looked at Gordo, and smiled. "I mean, assuming that Gordo _has_ flaws. Maybe that's not even true."

"Of course I don't have flaws," Gordo replied, returning the smile. "I'm perfect."

"Of course you are. Still… stereotypes always have at least a little bit of truth to them; sometimes they have a lot of truth."

"That's not true," Lizzie argued.

"It is when you're talking about behavior between guys and girls. It's how God wired us. He made girls more sensitive, and guys more… well, not. It's just the way things work."

"But you said stereotypes are at least a little true, not that differences between guys and girls are true. Like dumb blonds, that's a stereotype. Once upon a time, someone met someone with blond hair that was stupid, and decided that every blond person was stupid. That's unfair to the rest of us."

Joel was smiling. "I figured you were gonna resort to blonde stuff. What's your GPA?"

"I don't know."

"What'd you get last year?"

"C+'s, B-'s."

"I got straight A's. You're blond; I'm not."

Lizzie put her hands on her hips. "You're a racist, aren't you?"

"No! No, no, no, that's not it." Joel buried his head in his hands, but his muffled voice was heard through them. "A guy can't say anything these days without being accused of racism." He shook his head and pulled his hands away from his face. "I'm not a racist or a sexist or anything like that, okay? All men are created equal, right? But in different ways… that's all I'm saying. Maybe blonds aren't too bright, but they're all really good at… volleyball. Maybe guys are insensitive but they're strong. Maybe girls are _overly_ sensitive, but they're mature. Maybe everyone at Franklin High is a total moron, but they look out for other people. All I'm saying is, different people have different flaws. In the same sense, different people have different strengths."

"But you can't judge those flaws by a person's appearance."

"Sometimes you can. There'll always be exceptions, but-"

"Didn't God create everyone unique?" Gordo butted in. "Why would a God of creativity make every blond dumb, and every guy strong? Why wouldn't He mix it up a little?"

"Hah!" Lizzie declared. "I beat you with your own religion!"

"Maybe He _did_ make everyone unique, Gordo. But here's the thing: blonds have been called dumb for so long now that it's beginning to come true. I know of a guy who kept telling himself that he had cancer even though he didn't, and eventually he got it. Why? Because if we keep beating something into our brains, it becomes a reality. Maybe God created some blonds smart and some dumb, but the smart ones have been _convinced_ that they're dumb."

"You sound really… prejudiced against blonds," Lizzie stated. "Really, what do you have against us?"

"Nothing! No, really, I have nothing against blonds. My mother was blond, and I loved her more than anything on earth. But as much as I loved her, she had flaws."

"Well, why don't we talk about _brunettes'_ flaws?" Lizzie pressed. Joel had brown hair.

"Because brunettes are perfect."

"Hey!" 

Joel laughed. "No, it's because brunettes don't have a stereotype. We can be whoever we want to be."

"So what you're saying is that if you're blond, you're doomed to be stupid, as opposed to being a brunette and having the _possibility_ of being stupid?"

"Quit attacking me! Fine, fine, I'm wrong; you're right. Blonds are smart, okay? I just happen to be a fan of blond jokes."

"I can honestly say that this is the stupidest conversation I've ever had with someone who is not Ethan Craft," Gordo stated.

"I don't know about you anymore, Joel Prett," Lizzie said.

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay? I have nothing against blonds… really."

"I don't believe you."

"I was just using that as an example. I might as well have used girls being so sensitive."

"Then I'd call you sexist."

"For crying out loud, I just can't win! Look, if you're talking about stereotypes, _someone_'s gonna sound like a bigot. Doesn't mean they are, though, it just means that they have a different theory."

"I should smack you for the way you talk."

"I'm just expressing my opinion. Where's my freedom of speech?"

"Where's my rights?"

"Actually, blond girl, that would be 'where _are_ my rights.' Your contraction makes it sound like 'where is my rights?'"

"Are all Christians as snotty as you?"

"Ooh! _That_ was bigotry if I've ever heard it!"

"Yeah, well, I owed you."

Joel laughed again. "You're kidding, right? I hope you're kidding. Truce?" He held his hand out over the counter. Lizzie looked at it for a moment or two, as if considering, then smiled and shook it.

"I know you were just using blonds as an example, but in the real world, Joel Prett, you can't say stuff like what you said. If you had been talking about African-Americans and not blonds, you could have gotten fired for that."

"I live in the ghetto, okay? I know what I can say and what I can't."

"Is your mom really blond?"

Joel nodded. "I look more like my dad."

"Y'know, Joelle had brown hair."

Joel sighed. "Will you ever forgive me for that?" Lizzie, though she was maybe just joking, was making him feel really guilty. Joel didn't have anything against anyone who was different from him; his only problem was that he was an antagonist. He liked to debate things with people; he saw an opening for a debate, and took the opposite side of the other person. That was practically how he thought… whatever the other person didn't think, that was his opinion. Now that he looked back on it, he didn't entirely agree with everything he had said… he'd only said it for the sake of being argumentative.

"I might, if you prove yourself worthy."

"Oh, I have to be 'worthy,' do I?"

Lizzie nodded. "After those things you said, you need to earn back my respect."

"Hey… I just had a thought. Why are you guys here?"

Gordo laughed. "Delayed reaction, Joel?"

The other teenage guy joined in the laughter. He played along and said, "Woah, when'd you guys get here?" Lizzie then laughed along with them. When it cleared, Joel said, "No, really, I was so busy debating I didn't even realize how strange it was to see you here. What's up?"

"You said you could get me in free," Gordo replied. "I was gonna take you up on that offer."

"Ah, you and Lizzie?" Gordo nodded. "Good choice. Lifting is always more fun with someone else. Only thing is, I can only put one of you in on the computer under my name. It won't let me do two."

"I don't have any money," Lizzie said. Gordo shook his head.

"Neither do I… not with me."

"Well… hold on a sec." Joel hopped out of the chair and went back to the room he'd originally been working in and asked the guy who had been at the counter before him what his password was, and if Joel could punch in one of his friends on his account. The guy nodded, told him the password, and Joel came back. He logged in as the other guy and got Lizzie through, then logged in as him and did Gordo.

"You're clear," Joel told them. "You'll never tell my boss about this, right?"

"I don't know who your boss is," Gordo replied.

"Good. Let's keep it that way."


	24. Fight

Saturday, September 13

The gym experience had been an embarrassing one for Lizzie. Gordo had won their friendly competition, which was maybe no surprise. Still, Lizzie had been disappointed in herself, and she vowed to begin weightlifting on a regular basis. She would be able to beat Gordo, it was good for her, and it was an excuse to see Joel. She felt there was no downside to this decision. She talked to Joel after they were done, and he told her a few things. He said she probably only had to lift for 20-30 minutes, but if she wanted she could go longer. He stressed the importance of knowing how much your body can handle and not working overtime. Less weight and more reps would give her more definition and other things like that.

The best part was, Joel told her his working hours and told Lizzie to come in during that time. He was practically her personal trainer. Though Joel wasn't technically a trainer – only a spotter – he knew a lot about weights and would be able to help Lizzie.

Joel also gave them an update on the paintball list. They needed thirty people to go; they had eighteen.

After Gordo and Lizzie talked to Joel a little on their way out, Gordo walked Lizzie back to her house.

"You wanna come in and grab something to eat?" Lizzie asked him. Gordo shook his head.

"I should get home. I don't think my parents were expecting I'd be gone this long."

"Okay." Neither of them moved. Lizzie didn't go inside her house, and Gordo didn't turn to walk home. They just stood for a little while; Lizzie was hoping Gordo would invite her out to eat sometime for a date, and Gordo was trying to get the courage to do so, but neither of them said a word. Finally, Lizzie opened the door to her house.

"Lizzie, wait," Gordo said quickly. She turned and shut the door.

"What?"

"D'you wanna… I mean, if you're not too hung up on Joel, maybe sometime see a movie? Just you and me?"

Lizzie nodded. "Yeah. I'd like that."

"Okay. So maybe… I guess I'll see you on Monday. I had fun today."

"Me, too."

Gordo smiled and waved. "Guess I'll see ya." Lizzie smiled back at him and Gordo disappeared from view. She opened the door to her house, went in, shut it, and sank to the floor with a large grin on her face. "It's about time, Gordo," she said. "It's about time."

Gordo entered the kitchen in his house and found Luke sitting there doing homework. "Hey," he said, a little quietly. "I'm home."

"Your dad and mom went out," Luke told him nonchalantly. "Leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry."

"Leftovers from what?"

"Lunch."

Gordo sat down across from his brother. "Yeah, well, I'm not very hungry now that I think about it."

Luke looked up from his textbook straight into Gordo's eyes. "Do you have any idea how mad I am at you, Dave?"

"Well, why should you be?" Gordo asked. "What did I ever do that was wrong?"

"It's practically common sense to you that Jesus was _not_ God. Or, at least, it should be. I don't know what's wrong with you."

"Don't give me that. You did the same thing I'm doing now."

"What?"

"Considering Christianity. I know you thought about it; Pastor told me."

Luke shut his books. "Is he still teaching there?" He shook his head and stared down at the table. "I just thought you'd trust me is all. And mom and your dad."

"Well, trusting you and mom and dad is all fine and good, but I think I'd rather trust _God_ than trust you, no offense. You can't disagree with me on that. And I feel like this is the way God is leading me. What can I do?"

"David, it's wrong to worship men. No question. It's wrong to worship humans and objects and… well, ideas, animals… anything other than God. Jesus was a man. The Christians _pray_ to him, David. They write songs for him. They bow before him. That's wrong."

"But doesn't Jesus say that He's God? Or is that just some lie that the author of the Bible put in?"

Luke sighed. "Jesus kinda lost His marbles a couple times. He wasn't exactly sane. The wheel was spinning but the hamster was dead, if you know what I mean."

"But the resurrection... what about the resurrection? Did the disciples make it up? Did someone steal the body? Or maybe the body was there and nobody actually believed in the resurrection until centuries later? What?"

Luke shrugged. "Ask God when you get to Heaven, I guess. Look, we can't have all the answers to everything; no religion can. If you did, it wouldn't be a religion, it'd be a science. If you have all the answers, there's no room left for faith. Sometimes we just need to trust."

"That's what I'm trying to do. I don't understand…"

"Maybe you should talk to a Rabbi."

"Maybe I should talk to a Pastor."

"David! I can't believe you just said that! Have you converted already? Are you a Christian?"

Gordo squirmed under Luke's hard glare. He didn't want to lie and say no, because he knew that he'd eventually have to tell his family. But at the same time, now was not the right time. He couldn't say it now. And his parents deserved to be the first to know. He couldn't tell Luke… not yet.

"No," he finally said slowly. "But I've been thinking a lot."

"I can't believe you."

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay? But I can't decide what I think; whatever comes naturally comes naturally. It's like trying to make yourself like a food that you really don't like."

"What are you saying? You really don't like Judaism?"

"No, I'm just saying that it's hard for me to control my thoughts. They just kind of… go."

"Well, you'd better shape up." Luke picked his books up and stood. "And you'd better do it soon." With that, he went upstairs.


	25. Tom and Joel

Saturday, September 13

Daphne picked up the ringing phone. "Yeah?" she asked casually.

"Is this Daphne?"

"Uh-huh."

"Hey, lovely. Haven't talked to you in awhile. It's me, Tom."

Daphne smiled. "Tommy boy? What's up?"

"Not a whole lot. I'm calling for Joel… is he there?"

"You didn't call for me?" Daphne's tone was whiny.

"No, sorry. But I can talk to you if you want."

"How's Tania?"

"Oh… we broke up a couple weeks ago."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that."

"Yep. What about you and… that one guy?"

"Naw, I'm single right now." She leaned against the wall of her house, balancing the phone on her shoulder and examining her left hand's nails. "Kind of on the rebound, too. Looking for a desperate guy to take me for a wild ride. You game?"

Tom laughed. "No thanks. Doing just about anything with you would creep me out."

Daphne pretended to be offended. "Why?"

"Because you're my friend's sister. That's just weird."

"He doesn't have to know. Besides, he's not a blood relative… only blood ties matter these days."

"But you live in the same house."

"I can always move back to my old apartment if it'd make you feel better."

"Okay, are you serious?"

Daphne laughed. "You're so gullible, Tom. I love it. You wanna talk to my snot-nosed little brother?"

"Yeah. Answers to Joel."

"He also answers to worm. Did you know that?"

"Nope, that one's new to me."

"Uh-huh. And freakshow." Daphne put the phone to her shoulder and screamed loudly, "HEY, WORM!!" Joel appeared.

"What do you want, D?" he demanded, eyes narrow.

"Tom's on the phone." She handed him the cordless, and when she did her long, black nails scraped Joel's rough hands. It made him shiver.

"Tom?"

The guy on the other line was laughing hard. "You answer to worm?" he asked finally.

"Yeah, the girls think it's attractive."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Daphne said to him. "But if it has anything to do with you, it's _not_ attractive."

"Go away," Joel snapped. "You've done your job."

"Tell Tom I love him," she said as she went to her room. Joel rolled his eyes.

"My step-sister loves you," he muttered into the phone.

"Daphne is _the_ freakiest person I've ever met, but she's pretty funny. The only reason I like her is because she's so insane."

"Hey, hey, remember the other day when you were complaining about the guys talking about Anna? That's me right now."

"I don't mean like her as in I wanna date her, just like her as a friend. She makes me laugh."

"Man, this is gross. Can we talk about something else?"

"Come on, you get a kick out of her, too…"

"Dude, she's a druggie."

"Oh, so whenever she's weird, it's just the weed talking?"

Joel nodded. "That's basically it. She's acting really drunk right now, actually. Sick thing is it's only 3:00."

"How's she acting drunk?"

"She's stumbling and yelling and just… being weird."

"No, she does that when she's sober."

"Why are you calling me?"

"Oh, that. So I'm grounded now from, well, just about everything except thinking, so I decided to think. Very carefully, of course." Joel smirked. "Anyways, I started to wonder if you're right."

"Right about what?"

"Um… everything? I mean, what's the point of my life so far? All I've ever done is drink – all my friends have ever done is drink – and, well, it's just so empty. Like, it distracts us from the pains of life, but it doesn't take them away, right? It's almost better to just face them rather than ignore them."

"Yeah…"

"So… say something."

"Like what? You want me to tell you how right I am?"

"I don't know… talk like Christians talk. Convince me farther. Confirm my thoughts… give me something. Just talk."

"Yeah, you're right. Beer's never done anything for you or me or anyone else that I've ever known of." Joel didn't know exactly what to tell him.

"Are you happy with the way you live?"

"Yeah."

"You'd choose it over, say, Alex's life?"

Joel snorted. "In a second. I'm five times as smart as he is."

"No, I mean with the parties and stuff."

Joel nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I know what you meant. And yes, I would choose my life over his. And what you said about alcohol distracting us from the pains of life… in reality, I think it _causes_ the pains of life. Well, most of 'em, anyways. I realize bad stuff happens that has nothing to do with a bunch of drunk, teenage guys, but it seems like all the bad stuff that's ever happened to _us_ had to do with beer. Except Andy."

"And your mom."

Joel nodded. "And my mom. But, like Jason and Matt and Ross… it messed 'em up. It messed you up, too. Only difference is that you lived to tell about it."

"I can't remember it, anyways. It's just a big headache."

"You don't need to tell me," Joel replied. "I've been there. And by 'headache,' I know you mean that literally. The hangovers, the puking… what's the point?"

"So, maybe I'm done living like this. Maybe I'll join your side."

"We have sides now?"

Tom shrugged. "Sure. Your side and Alex and Brandon's side. I mean, no one's printed off lists, but I think in our minds we all know the sides. Alex, Brandon, and you are leaders; that's just your personality. Alex and Brandon agree on stuff and you don't. Poof, there are the sides. You have two people on your side now, and Alex and Brandon have… well, everyone else. But that's okay, because they'll all die out soon enough, anyways."

Joel smiled. "I don't know if I want them to die or live. I want them to die so they can pay the consequence, but they're my friends. I don't even know what it is I want, exactly. But… anyways, does this mean that you're a Christian, or just a moral atheist?"

"A moral atheist," Tom replied. "Maybe you can eventually get me in a church in a few months, but don't push your luck. Not now."

Joel nodded. "I can respect that. I've waited eight years for one of you guys to chill out… I think I can wait for another year if I have to."

"Good. Don't push me, okay? When I'm ready to get religious, I'll get religious."

Joel winced, knowing that was a dangerous position. Thinking that there was a God but not knowing who He was or which one was just as dangerous as not believing in God at all. However, Joel recognized that Tom's changing his lifestyle was a gift from God, and that God wouldn't let anything happen to Tom until Joel had the chance to help him further, so he decided that he wasn't worried.

"All right, if you say so."

"Tell Daphne I love her, okay? And you know what, you should tell her that _you_ love her, too. She _is_ your sister."

"She's not my sister, she's my step-sister," Joel replied. "If my dad hadn't gotten remarried Daphne would just be some stranger to me, therefore I _don't_ need to love her. I have none of her blood, and she has none of mine."

Tom laughed. "She said the same thing. I mean, about being biologically related was all that mattered."

"That's because I don't like thinking of her as my sister and she doesn't like thinking of me as her brother."

"Well, tell her I love 'er anyways. I'll talk to you later."

"Sure, Tom." Joel hung up and walked over to Daphne's room. He knocked on the door. Daphne heard his knock through her loud music, and she turned it down.

"What, worm?" she called.

"Tom loves you," Joel replied. The door opened quickly revealing Daphne, looking excited.

"Is he still on the phone?" Her tone matched her expression.

"No, I hung up. You can call him back, though."

Daphne shook her head and started to shut her door, but Joel stuck his hand out to stop it from shutting. "What's up with you guys saying you love each other anyways? It creeps me out. I mean, you even told each other that when you both were dating different people."

She shrugged. "It's just this friend thing we do."

"Friend?"

"Yeah, I don't expect you to know what a friend is."

"Well, my friend and my step-sister exchanging 'I love yous' is really weird, so can you cut it out?"

"No way! Tom's so cute…"

"He thinks you're a freak. The only reason he likes you is because he likes to laugh at you." That was partly a lie, partly true. Tom didn't really laugh _at_ Daphne as Joel knew, but he was trying to make the truth as harsh as he could.

"That's so sweet… to be honest, he's a little too goody for me, but he's cute. Hang on to that one."

"Yeah, like I'm gonna listen to your advice on friends. The day I let you spot for me."

"You relate everything to weight lifting, don't you? It's really pathetic."

"It's called physical fitness… I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"No… you can be thin and out of shape at the same time."

Daphne paused. "I have no idea how to take that. I'll see you later, worm." Then she slammed her door in his face.

Joel blinked. He hadn't even insulted her… not really. It didn't even matter, he decided. Who cared what Daphne thought? She just didn't know how to respond, that was the only reason she slammed her door. She'd never had something said to her that _wasn't_ an insult, and she didn't know how to handle it.

"Tom still thinks you're a freak!" Joel called through the door. He always felt like he needed to have the last laugh, so there it was. The response he got was Blink 182 blasting out of her room. He replied by going into his room, which was next to hers, and blasted his Relient K music. They both turned their stereos up, one after the other, competing, until Joel's dad got home. Then they were forced to turn off the music.


	26. Church

Sunday, September 14

Chris smiled at Joel as they approached each other. "Nice work," he said. "But you screwed up on that third song."

Joel looked at the people around him. Some of them were leaving the church, but some were staying to talk with each other. "You think anyone noticed?" he asked.

"Nah. No one knows what the heck you're doing up there… much less would they realize if it was right or not."

Joel smiled. He wasn't a show-off, he just enjoyed going all-out on the drums. He'd played for seven years and was pretty good at them. "I felt like everyone was off beat except me."

"Oh, I get it, so the drummer's always right?"

Joel nodded. "That's what my music teacher always taught me."

"So, what's up with your friends? You said you wanted to tell me something?"

Joel nodded. "I think Tom's thinking of converting now, too."

"Too? Who else converted?"

"Well, Gordo."

"Oh, yeah."

"It sounds like he's giving up beer… hopefully the drugs and the sex as well, but he didn't say anything for sure about them. He told me not to push him into Christianity, that he'd come on his own time, but I think if the choice is up to him, he won't. Tom's the kinda guy that wants to do something but's always too lazy to do it. Even if he wants to become a Christian, he'll be too tired to get up on Sundays, or forget to pray, or… you know, whatever. I don't think it'll last long."

"Well, it's not really your decision to make," Chris replied. "I don't think there's a lot you can do, except pray."

Joel nodded. "I know. I just hate feeling like I'm not in control." He turned and looked at the worship band's things all set up on the side of the church. "I control the band," he said. "I can make it faster, slower, I can make them start and stop… everything. I control how much strength I have by working out, I control my grades… but I don't control Tom's faith."

Chris nodded. "Yeah, you are kind of a control freak. But not controlling _my_ faith has never bugged you before. At least, I don't think it has."

"That's because I don't think I could do a better job than you're doing now. But Tom… he needs so much, and he doesn't even realize it. He needs me to take control."

"But you still can't."

Joel sighed. "I know."

"How's Trevor doing? You said he was decent when he was around Gordo… that's good."

"He was just being mellow because Gordo was quiet. He hasn't changed."

"Anyone else? What about Jake?"

Joel looked like he was carrying the weight of the world then. He always looked so carefree, but right then he looked so tired and worn out. Spiritually worn out. "Jake and I are the only guys who haven't had sex. I was praying for him a lot, but Alex got him a girlfriend… and when Alex gets you a girlfriend, you know it's bad news. I don't think he'll be strong enough to resist… and he wants so badly to fit in with us; I think he'll do anything. And this girl, she's really trashy."

"Hang out with him. Show him that not all the guys are like Alex."

"Alex got first dibs on him, though. He knows Alex."

"So let him get to know you. Does he go to our school?"

Joel shook his head. "They all go to the same public school. That's half the problem. If I could get them in a Christian environment…"

"What about a Christian concert or something? Think they'd like Cross Movement?"

"They might, but where's Cross Movement right now? I don't think they'd come here just for a few guys."

"Well, we can check. Ask Pastor for a listing of all the Christian groups coming here. We could do this."

"Brandon'll have my head once he realizes it's Christian."

"He's not _that_ much bigger than you." Brandon was the biggest of all of the guys… he was the tallest, with the broadest shoulders, and the most muscular. He was nineteen years old… he'd flunked seventh grade and therefore was a senior.

Joel snorted. "Sure he's not. Only about three feet. Yeah, I bet I could take him." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Then don't invite him."

"Oh, there's an idea. Invite everyone _but_ him. Sure, he'd like that."

Chris shrugged. "Just an idea. Hope it works out for you." 

"Gee, thanks. I'm gonna need more than hope. Pray for me?"

Chris nodded. "You, Jake, Tom… heck, I'll pray for all of them."

"Thanks." His word was sincere this time.

"I just had a thought…"

"What's that?"

"Well, Lizzie's going to homecoming with a guy named Jake. Is it the same Jake?"

Joel paused, then slowly shook his head. "I doubt it. She said she has English with him, and my Jake doesn't go there. And I don't think he's going to homecoming, anyways."

"Good. Keep Lizzie and Miranda away from those guys."

Joel nodded. "I plan to."

Joel felt like a parent. He felt like he had to protect everyone from everyone else, and drag "the kids" to church even when they didn't want to go. He looked out for all of his friends in the way he saw best, which was a very parental characteristic. But maybe the best friends treat people like their children… they look out for them and try their best to protect them. The thing that a good friend and a parent share that makes them similar in roles, is love. Joel loved his friends as brothers and sisters. He always tried his best to influence them in the right way.

"Well, I think I have to go. Tell Pastor about Tom… he'll be happy."

Joel nodded. "I will."


	27. Memory

Sunday, September 14

Chris smiled at Joel as they approached each other. "Nice work," he said. "But you screwed up on that third song."

Joel looked at the people around him. Some of them were leaving the church, but some were staying to talk with each other. "You think anyone noticed?" he asked.

"Nah. No one knows what the heck you're doing up there… much less would they realize if it was right or not."

Joel smiled. He wasn't a show-off, he just enjoyed going all-out on the drums. He'd played for seven years and was pretty good at them. "I felt like everyone was off beat except me."

"Oh, I get it, so the drummer's always right?"

Joel nodded. "That's what my music teacher always taught me."

"So, what's up with your friends? You said you wanted to tell me something?"

Joel nodded. "I think Tom's thinking of converting now, too."

"Too? Who else converted?"

"Well, Gordo."

"Oh, yeah."

"It sounds like he's giving up beer… hopefully the drugs and the sex as well, but he didn't say anything for sure about them. He told me not to push him into Christianity, that he'd come on his own time, but I think if the choice is up to him, he won't. Tom's the kinda guy that wants to do something but's always too lazy to do it. Even if he wants to become a Christian, he'll be too tired to get up on Sundays, or forget to pray, or… you know, whatever. I don't think it'll last long."

"Well, it's not really your decision to make," Chris replied. "I don't think there's a lot you can do, except pray."

Joel nodded. "I know. I just hate feeling like I'm not in control." He turned and looked at the worship band's things all set up on the side of the church. "I control the band," he said. "I can make it faster, slower, I can make them start and stop… everything. I control how much strength I have by working out, I control my grades… but I don't control Tom's faith."

Chris nodded. "Yeah, you are kind of a control freak. But not controlling _my_ faith has never bugged you before. At least, I don't think it has."

"That's because I don't think I could do a better job than you're doing now. But Tom… he needs so much, and he doesn't even realize it. He needs me to take control."

"But you still can't."

Joel sighed. "I know."

"How's Trevor doing? You said he was decent when he was around Gordo… that's good."

"He was just being mellow because Gordo was quiet. He hasn't changed."

"Anyone else? What about Jake?"

Joel looked like he was carrying the weight of the world then. He always looked so carefree, but right then he looked so tired and worn out. Spiritually worn out. "Jake and I are the only guys who haven't had sex. I was praying for him a lot, but Alex got him a girlfriend… and when Alex gets you a girlfriend, you know it's bad news. I don't think he'll be strong enough to resist… and he wants so badly to fit in with us; I think he'll do anything. And this girl, she's really trashy."

"Hang out with him. Show him that not all the guys are like Alex."

"Alex got first dibs on him, though. He knows Alex."

"So let him get to know you. Does he go to our school?"

Joel shook his head. "They all go to the same public school. That's half the problem. If I could get them in a Christian environment…"

"What about a Christian concert or something? Think they'd like Cross Movement?"

"They might, but where's Cross Movement right now? I don't think they'd come here just for a few guys."

"Well, we can check. Ask Pastor for a listing of all the Christian groups coming here. We could do this."

"Brandon'll have my head once he realizes it's Christian."

"He's not _that_ much bigger than you." Brandon was the biggest of all of the guys… he was the tallest, with the broadest shoulders, and the most muscular. He was nineteen years old… he'd flunked seventh grade and therefore was a senior.

Joel snorted. "Sure he's not. Only about three feet. Yeah, I bet I could take him." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Then don't invite him."

"Oh, there's an idea. Invite everyone _but_ him. Sure, he'd like that."

Chris shrugged. "Just an idea. Hope it works out for you." 

"Gee, thanks. I'm gonna need more than hope. Pray for me?"

Chris nodded. "You, Jake, Tom… heck, I'll pray for all of them."

"Thanks." His word was sincere this time.

"I just had a thought…"

"What's that?"

"Well, Lizzie's going to homecoming with a guy named Jake. Is it the same Jake?"

Joel paused, then slowly shook his head. "I doubt it. She said she has English with him, and my Jake doesn't go there. And I don't think he's going to homecoming, anyways."

"Good. Keep Lizzie and Miranda away from those guys."

Joel nodded. "I plan to."

Joel felt like a parent. He felt like he had to protect everyone from everyone else, and drag "the kids" to church even when they didn't want to go. He looked out for all of his friends in the way he saw best, which was a very parental characteristic. But maybe the best friends treat people like their children… they look out for them and try their best to protect them. The thing that a good friend and a parent share that makes them similar in roles, is love. Joel loved his friends as brothers and sisters. He always tried his best to influence them in the right way.

"Well, I think I have to go. Tell Pastor about Tom… he'll be happy."

Joel nodded. "I will."


	28. Joel and His Dad

Sunday, September 14

Joel picked up a shirt in his room while he was cleaning and found underneath it a blue spiral notebook. His room was littered with notebooks, and he couldn't tell the difference between all of them with a simple look at their covers, because so many of them were the same color or the same brand. He opened it and realized instantly what it was. He sat down on his bed to read what he'd written in it almost 6 years ago.

_"She was so distant. She told me things, like to take care of myself and not get into fights… and to be nice to everyone. She always stressed stuff like that in raising me because she wanted me to grow up to be a better person than our surroundings, I guess, but she never really told me a bunch of that stuff at once. She rarely even told them to me at all… she just taught them to me with her actions and examples. Before, she was always happy. She was light and cheerful and colorful, until a few months before she died. I really don't know how long it was before when she became distant… it seemed like an eternity, but maybe it was only six months or so. She was just… harder. You wouldn't look at her and say "oh, she looks nice," you'd look at her and say "um… let's not talk to her." She just projected something darker than what she did before. She seemed distant, she didn't talk… she didn't eat. I don't know why she did, and neither does my dad. We were the only real people she talked to ever, so I doubt anyone else knows."_

The notebook shut. Joel didn't want to read anymore. Too many things surfaced when he did… he remembered too much. He remembered her last words to him… she told him not to fight and to submit to authorities, among other things. She'd told his dad that time healed all wounds, which was maybe her way of comforting him after she died. She hoped that he would remember her words after she was gone, so that he could look back on them and tell himself that he only had to deal with the pain for an allotted time, and then it would disappear.

She lied.

Time healed nothing, and Joel knew that. How long had she been gone? Yet, he still cried sometimes when he thought of her. He couldn't watch home videos anymore, because she would be in them. He never looked at a 35-year-old blond woman the same way again, especially if she was thin. His mother barely had any skin on her… she was a thin, outer covering of skin that wrapped up her bones and insides. She had absolutely no fat. As a matter of fact, she looked like a skeleton when he looked at her.

Her weight had been her only imperfection. Had she not been his mother, Joel would have been scared of her since she looked so much like a collection of bones and nothing more. Her arms, legs, fingers, stomach… everything. There was not one place on her body where you could not easily identify a bone or two running through.

Joel didn't like skinny girls, especially not ones that were as skinny as her. He actually found that he subconsciously liked girls that looked more normal as opposed to looking like models. He, being a health nut, knew that it was actually healthy for guys and girls alike to have a little bit of stomach fat, and a little bit larger thighs than most girls wanted or thought they should have. He didn't like the girls that were thin and slender… he found them disgusting. He didn't like holding his girlfriend and feeling like he was holding a bag of sticks and twigs.

But he still loved it when his mother held him.

"I wish… I wish I knew where she was," Joel said, at first to himself, then to God. He began a prayer. "I wish You told us strictly who goes to Heaven and who doesn't. Do suicides go to Heaven? Does it matter? Was she even a suicide in Your book?" He waited for a minute, then continued. "Maybe, even if she wasn't, she's still not in Heaven. I never knew if she had faith or not. I just… I want to know if she's okay or not. I want to know if she's happy." He sat in silence again, then started up again. "I mean, I know she wouldn't be happy about the way things turned out and the way she handled stuff, but she might be happy now, if she's with You. Can you regret things in Heaven? Or is it all just one big bliss? Maybe it doesn't matter… maybe she's not even there. Are You allowed to tell me if she is? Or are You just withholding the information for another reason? I know You always have a reason, but… can't You just tell me? Would it be that awful if I knew?" Joel sighed. "God… if she's with You, tell her I love her? I never got the chance. I hate to admit it, but my final impression of her was that she cracked. She didn't crack, she just… she was saying her final words, and she knew that. Tell her I'm sorry, and that I love her."

There was a gentle knock on the door and Joel jumped a little. He paused, then said cautiously, "Yeah?"

His dad emerged from outside of his room. He came in and shut the door behind him. "I'm sorry I interrupted your prayer," he said. Joel shook his head.

"I think I was about done."

"Your mother did not commit suicide," he told his son. "She just… gave up."

"Isn't that what suicidals do?"

"But she didn't _do_ anything. She just sat there and…"

"And let her eat herself away? If she chose to die, isn't that suicide? I don't understand how it couldn't be… but at the same time, I don't understand how it _could_ be. It's so confusing…"

"And she knew you loved her. That's part of the reason she loved you so much, because you were always loyal and kind to her, even when boys your age hated their mothers. She would brag about you at all the parent-teacher conferences."

Joel smiled a little. "She did?"

Nodding, he replied, "Yeah, she did. But she would have loved you even if you didn't love her back. That's how she worked. Her love had always been unconditional."

"I know."

"She would have loved to see how good you turned out. Look at you… teenage boys all over are getting tattoos and pierced everythings, and here you are… clean and pure as anything."

"Don't say that, dad." Joel was a little ashamed then of some of the things he'd done with his friends… things like drinking.

"She always wanted you to be able to take care of yourself – be a real man – and here you are. Making good decisions and standing firmly behind them like a man."

"Mom was pretty."

"I never noticed."

Joel looked at his dad curiously. What did he mean by that? "Huh?" he asked.

"I never really cared."

There was a little bit of silence before Joel said, "Hey, dad, I suppose you aren't going to date anymore…? I mean, after Rachel and Daphne…"

He shook his head. "Rachel hit me when I was vulnerable, and I don't think I'd ever be able to take that again."

Rachel was Daphne's mother. Daphne had never heard from her father, but she knew who her mother was. After Michelle died, Rachel and Joel's dad met and started dating. Eventually, they got married, and Daphne became Joel's step-sister. Shortly after the marriage, Rachel left her husband and Joel… she also left Daphne behind with them.

"But what if there's another mom out there waiting for you?" Joel asked.

"What if God only created one true person for us?" he replied. "Your mother was the one, let me tell you. I think my luck's run out."

"Dad, mom was a gift from God. He had a right to take her away… He was only lending her to you."

"Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that God loved her more than I did. But He did, you know? He still does."

Joel nodded. "I know."

"It doesn't matter anymore. I need to go to work."

Joel continued nodding. "Okay."

"Don't worry about your mother, okay? I'm sure she's fine." He smiled a little, patted Joel on the back, and left.

"You have no reason to think she's fine," Joel murmured quietly. "You have no reason to think she isn't fine, but you have no reason to think she's fine, either. I guess we'll never know for sure. By the time we do, it won't matter anymore."


	29. Joel's Mom

Monday, September 15

It was Monday again. One week of school was over and done with, but they still had many weeks left to go. However, on a more cheerful note, the dance was this weekend. It gave the students something to look forward to.

Lizzie and Jake had been walking around after school. After a few minutes, they sat down in the commons and talked for a little while. When Lizzie saw Joel getting something from the pop machine, she waved him over. He smiled, grabbed something out of the bottom of the large rectangle, and sat down next to her. Once he caught a glance at Jake he couldn't look away.

"You got water from the pop machine?" Lizzie asked, looking at the bottled water. "It's free from the fountain."

"Uh, yeah, I don't drink pop," Joel said, slightly distant. Jake returned his stare.

"Oh, so you two have met?" Lizzie asked. Jake nodded.

"Yeah, a few times."

"I thought you went to Trevor's school," Joel said, almost accusingly.

"I never said that."

"I thought Alex said something…"

"You trust Alex?"

"Oh, you guys live in the same neighborhood, right?" Lizzie asked. They both nodded slowly.

"Yeah."

"Why are you looking at me like I'm fresh meat?" Jake demanded of Joel.

"I thought Alex set you up with a girlfriend?"

"So?"

"Well-"

"Lizzie and I are going to a dance. We're not getting married."

"What's going on?" Lizzie asked. She didn't understand why there was so much tension between the two guys. "Aren't you friends?"

"By association," Jake answered.

"Don't worry, Lizzie. I'll help you find a new date." Joel stood up and grabbed Jake roughly by the arm.

"Hey, lay off!" Jake snapped.

"Joel!"

"Man, I am going to kill you…" Joel threatened. He yanked Jake out of the bench and threw him onto the ground.

"Hey!" Lizzie protested.

Jake stood quickly to his feet and ignored the pain in his head from hitting it on the ground. "What's your problem?"

"I didn't even know you _go_ to this school!"

"So? How's that my fault?"

"You're staying away from four people: Chris Van Morgan, David Gordon, Miranda Sanchez, and Lizzie McGuire. Got that?"

Jake made a face. "No. I don't care what you say."

Joel grabbed him by the shirt collar. "I said, you got that?"

Then Amanda, the one who sat next to Gordo during lunch, appeared. "Hey, break it up," she said to them. No one moved. She slapped Joel on the cheek and a resounding whip-like noise was heard all the way down the halls. Joel's cheek burned red and stung, and he dropped Jake to his own feet and looked to Amanda.

"This isn't your problem," he told her.

"It doesn't have to be yours, either. Just chill, okay?"

"You witch-slapped me."

She smiled a little. "I know… I'm good at that."

Joel turned and looked to Lizzie, who held a look of horror on her face. She looked scared, startled, nervous, and confused. He looked back to Jake, who was glaring at him.

"She's right," Jake said. "We don't have to be enemies."

"You care too much about what those guys think of you that you don't even care about your own self-image. You try too hard."

"_I_ try too hard? The whole reason you grabbed me like that was to give yourself a reputation."

"That's not it," Joel replied, sitting back down next to Lizzie. He took a sip of his water as Jake sat down across from him, and Amanda next to him. "It's just… I decided that I was going to keep you guys away from my decent friends. Lizzie's once of my decent friends."

"What do you mean by that?" Lizzie asked.

"The ones that don't drink or smoke… or do anything illegal."

"What kind of friends do you have?" Amanda asked Joel. "The ones you sit with seem fine."

"The ones that _aren't_ fine don't go here… except Jake."

"Hey, hey, hey-"

"You are such a poser," Joel told him. "Lizzie would not go to the dance with you unless she thought you were nice. So, obviously, you act nice around her, but you act like the rest of those apes when you're in a room with them. What's your problem, man?"

"You don't know me," Jake snapped.

"No one does, because you're never yourself."

"The guys are right… you try to be everyone's dad. You can't perfect everyone you meet."

"I can influence them, though."

"Then influence later. Alex and Brandon are gonna kill you when they find out how you were spazzing out just now."

"Alex and Brandon this, Alex and Brandon that. Alex and Brandon are almost as bad as you, so don't give me that."

"They're right. They say that you think you're so much better than us because you're a Christian… you just admitted to that."

"Man, that's not what I meant."

"Start meaning what you say, and saying what you mean, then."

"I just mean intelligence wise. Alex and Brandon are idiots… I'm sure you've noticed that."

"They seem fine to me."

"That's why I said they're almost as bad as you. 'Cause you can't even see it."

"Whatever."

"Hey, if you aren't Christian, why are you here?"

"My parents. They made me get confirmed and all that stuff, but…"

"You'd better stop taking communion, then. If you ever do."

" 'Course I do."

"Better stop. You shouldn't be taking it if you don't really believe."

"What's He gonna do? Strike me down with lightning?"

"No, God's more creative than that. He'd probably, like, make you turn inside-out gradually over twenty years or something cool like that. Lightning's too fast, too typical."

"Gee, thanks." Jake smiled a little. "You're not so bad."

"Would you look at that? We just settled our differences."

Amanda smiled. "Nice work, boys."

"So… are we still going to the dance?" Lizzie asked Jake.

"I planned on it, unless you object…"

"Um, I don't think I do." Lizzie looked to Joel, as if for advice. "Do I?"

Joel shrugged. "Guess I can't stop you. But keep your distance from this guy, okay? And Jake, don't do anything to her you wouldn't do to your mom."

"Ew! Hey, man, that was unnecessary!"

Amanda laughed. "It was hilarious, that's what it was."

Joel smiled. "Just remember, you have a girlfriend. Don't know what Alex would think if he found out you were cheating on her."

"Why did you just mention Alex again?"

"Because he's like a god to you. Always worrying about what Alex the Great thinks. What about what Jake thinks?"

"Jake wants to go to the dance with Lizzie."

"What about this other girl?"

"She's my girlfriend." Joel raised his eyebrows, and Jake sighed. He looked to Lizzie. "So we're going to the dance as friends, right?" Lizzie nodded and Jake turned back to Joel. "Happy, dad?"

Joel nodded. "A little. But I still don't trust you."

"I still don't care."

Joel rolled his eyes and slouched. "Forget it. Listen, I don't know you and you don't know me. You only know stuff they tell you about me, and I only know what I've assumed about you. So let's start over, okay?"

Jake nodded. "Fine."

"No first impressions or anything sticky."

"All right."

"Good. But that means Neil coming over here would mean nothing to you according to me since I don't know you know him, right?"

"Wow," Amanda muttered. "That was really confusing right there."

"Neil's coming?" Joel asked. "Why?"

"Because I don't have my license."

"Man…"

"Yeah, he's gonna be here in about five, ten minutes."

Joel shook his head, but he was smiling. "He is such a dork."

Jake laughed. "Yeah, he is."

"Who's Neil?" Lizzie asked. All three of the people responded. Amanda said "One of their friends" in perfect sync with the two guys also saying "One of our friends." Lizzie smirked. "Oh."

"He's kind of a little guy," Joel told her. "Isn't he?"

Jake nodded. "Yeah."

"Pretty stupid, too."

"Yup."

"So tell me about the infamous Alex and Brandon," Amanda said. Lizzie nodded.

"Yeah, what's the deal with them?" she asked. Joel and Jake exchanged glances.

"Well… Alex is a control freak, which I can't exactly blame him because I am, too. But he's a lot more of a jerk than I am, which makes it worse."

"He's not a jerk," Jake replied.

"I've known Alex for eight years, you've known him for eight days. Trust me, shrimp, he's a jerk."

"You dare call me that again and I'll break your neck."

Joel laughed. "Hey, I like you. You're funny."

"I was serious."

"Oh, look, a flying pig."

"So, what, Alex is just some random jerk? How does that set him apart from the rest of the male sex?" Amanda asked.

"Hey, that was cold," Jake said.

"No, she's right. Guys are jerks," Joel replied. "Alex… well, to be honest, he's really your typical mook. Not much more to it than that."

"Is he big?"

"If you mean big as in fat, then no. But he's pretty ripped. Almost as strong as I am."

Jake laughed. "Yeah, Alex couldn't lift a book…"

"Hey, man!"

Then the guys heard a familiar voice. "Don't worry, I'm here!" it declared. The four people at the table turned to the source and saw Neil walking up to them.

"Play dead," Joel instructed Lizzie, Amanda, and Jake.

"Hey, where's the love?" Neil asked jokingly. "That hurt, Pretty. That hurt."

"Whatever. I hear that you're here because Jake doesn't have a life and he needs to borrow yours?"

Neil laughed. "Yeah, that's basically how it works. But don't be rude, boys. Who are the ladies?"

"Amanda and Lizzie," Jake said. "Both are out of your league."

"So, what happened to Joelle? Is Amanda your new girlfriend?" Neil asked Joel, ignoring the insult.

"Joelle broke up with me a few days ago," Joel answered. "And I don't have a new girlfriend. Amanda sits at my table at lunch."

"Um, no, you sit at _mine_, freshman," Amanda corrected. Joel laughed.

"Excuse me, I sit at Amanda's table," he said. Neil nodded.

"Right. And Lizzie here…"

"Lizzie also sits at Amanda's lunch table. What's wrong with you; do you really need a biography of everyone you meet?" Jake asked.

"No, just the girls."

Joel rolled his eyes. "Man, take Jake and get out of here."

"Hey, where's the love?" Neil repeated.

"Take Jake and get out of here," Joel repeated.

"Okay, I can do that." Neil started to turn away, but then he pulled out his keys and swung them around like they would open something special. "I'll just grab him and go back to my '98 Shelby Series 1…"

Joel stood instantly. "You got it?!" he demanded.

Neil laughed and they gave each other high fives. "I got it, man! It's so sweet… I'm gonna make it a convertible."

"Don't do that, you'll wreck it!"

Lizzie and Amanda looked confused. Jake had no expression on his face. Joel and Neil were excited beyond belief.

"How much was it?!" Joel demanded.

"Too much."

"You didn't boost it, did you?"

"No way, man. I got this one the legal way."

"Can I drive it?"

"No one drives my baby but me."

"Man, come on."

"I wouldn't let God Himself drive this car if I had the choice."

"Man, I helped you get the money!"

"But I still don't trust you behind the wheel."

Joel sighed. "Fine. But you wanna swing it by my house tonight?" Neil nodded. "You know when I work, right? Don't do it then."

"I know. You're gonna wanna see it."

"Can I tweak it?"

"No!"

"Aaargh! Please?"

Amanda smiled a little, because she'd never seen a guy as excited as Joel was. "They're cute when they're happy," she said. Lizzie smiled and nodded.

"No way, man," Neil said. "No one's laying a hand on it. I'll tell you what you can do to it: you can look at it, you can pet it, and you can sit in it. That's all. And when you pet it, you need to have a cloth under your hands."

"Don't make me whine."

"You're doing it now."

"So?"

Neil laughed. "I might let you sit in the passenger seat when _I_ drive it, but that's about all. Jake, you coming?"

Jake hopped over the back of the bench so Amanda didn't have to get out. "Let's see this '98 Shelby Series 1…" Jake said.

Neil laughed. "It's practically my unicorn. If it weren't for those concept cars…"

_"Never_ boost a concept car," Joel stated. "I mean, never boost any car, but if you're gonna, don't do the concept ones. People notice when a car that they've never seen before and is sweet beyond belief is doing 80 in a 45 zone. Trust me, people notice."

"I know, I know. I don't steal cars, anyways. I don't have skill in that area."

"Good."

"Well, I'll be going now. In my '98 Shelby Series 1…"

Joel laughed. "Yeah, yeah, rub it in why don't you. Get out of here, rich boy."

"Rich? You're the one that paid for it…"

"What?"

Neil laughed. "Just kidding. Have a good life, man. Later, ladies." Neil smiled at the girls and led Jake out.


	30. Paintball

Tuesday, September 16

Chris and Gordo were walking down the halls and Joel jogged up to them. "Hey, guys," he said. "Guess what?"

"What?" Gordo asked.

"Neil – one of my friends – got his car."

"What kind of car is it?" Chris asked.

" '98 Shelby Series 1, just like he always wanted. He's been saving for that car for five years."

"Man, the guy has a nice car when he's a sophomore, and I'm not getting anything till college. Even then, it'll probably be the family's '94 Astro van."

Joel laughed. "Don't worry, Will. I don't get anything, either."

"My brother has two vehicles," Gordo said.

"Really?"

He nodded. "A Ford truck… it's either a 250 or 350, and a motorcycle."

"Sweet!" Chris exclaimed. "He has a bike? What kind?"

"Uh… I don't know. I'm not really into cars and stuff."

"That's okay; neither is Will," Joel replied. "He just smiles and nods whenever I say something."

"Kinda like you around Neil?" Chris shot back.

"Yeah, kinda. How old's your brother, Gordo?"

"I think he's 23 or something."

"He still in college? Or did he get out?"

"No, he's at a University in Texas. He must have taken a year off from school or something."

"What's his major?"

"I have no idea."

Joel smirked. "You're not a very good brother, Gordo. You don't know anything about this guy. You don't even know what kind of car he drives!"

"Oh, and trust me, I feel so guilty."

"I'm gonna have to say goodbye," Chris told them. "My ride's gonna be here any minute."

"She's always an hour late," Joel replied.

"Yeah, I know, but she said she'd be here at 3 and it's 4 right now."

Joel laughed. "Okay, then. See you later." Chris waved and walked away. The two guys walked for a couple seconds in silence, and then Gordo spoke.

"Hey, Joel, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, man. Anything."

"Well, what happened to your mom?"

Suddenly, Joel found great interest in his shoes as they slowly roamed the near-empty halls. "She died," he answered.

"How?"

"Well, she… she was anorexic, and she just… got too thin, I guess, and… died. She told us that she was eating, but I think dad and I both knew she wasn't. We just chose to believe her because we didn't want to face that there was something wrong. But she lost so much weight so fast… it was obvious. We just didn't want to see it, so we blinded ourselves."

"I'm sorry."

"My dad always says, 'I should have gotten her to the doctor' or 'I should have taken her out to eat' or something like that, but I don't think he would if he had the chance again. To be honest, I don't think I would, either. That's what scares me."

Gordo was surprised. "Why wouldn't you?"

Joel shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't think it would be in me to confront my mom like that. I don't know."

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, it's fine. I told you about Andy, I told you about Jason, I can tell you about this. It's fine."

"But, then, you still have a step-mom somewhere, right? Because Daphne… if you have a step-sister, then you have a step-parent."

"Yeah, but she ditched my dad after they got married. She was probably looking for a way to get rid of Daphne, so she decided to marry a guy. Last I heard she was in Canada or something."

"Canada?"

"Don't ask me what she's doing there… I have no idea what she can do there that she can't do in America. But, you know, whatever fuels your car, right?"

"I guess."

"But don't pity me, ever. I can handle friends' deaths and suicides, I can handle peer pressure, I can handle people who torture themselves… but I can't handle people pitying me."

"There's just… so much to pity," Gordo said. Joel smiled a little.

"I know, it seems like it when you compare it to other people, but really… I mean, without God, my life would be so much worse. It'd be worse than anything we can imagine. Because God is everything that's good, right? So if everything good was taken away from us, we'd just have one big rotten life. I've had some joy in my life."

"That's good."

"God blessed me with my friends and family, so he had the right to take them away."

"Do you believe that?"

Joel nodded. "It's what I tell myself."

"That's incredible. You have a really strong faith."

Joel's smile grew. "Thank you. Some people see it as a weakness."

"Like who?"

"Aw, no one that matters. Trevor and all them. My 'Trevor and Tom friends' as you call them. But they're all stupid, anyways."

"I don't understand why you're friends with them."

Joel sighed. "Y'know, no one really does? I don't even know sometimes. But… I guess it's just because we know each other so well, so we feel close. I feel like they're my brothers. My very stupid, immature, perverted brothers, but still my brothers. And, well, you love your brother no matter what, right? Even if he's a total jerk. They're all jerks, and they all think I'm just some 'church guy' or whatever, but we look out for each other. They'd all die for me, and I'd die for them. Well… maybe not Alex."

"You serious about the Alex thing, or was that a joke?"

"A joke. Sometimes we don't get along very well, but he still looks out for me and I try to do the same for him. He's my brother."

"That is really cool."

"What?"

"How you dislike him but you'd still die for him. It's incredible."

Joel seemed amused. "Well, not really, but it is kinda weird, I guess. No one seems to understand my connection with them, though. Pastor keeps telling me to ditch them because he thinks they're a bad influence on me – which I guess they can be – but he wouldn't tell me to do that if he understood my relationships with them. Or, I don't think he would. And my dad… he doesn't know what those guys have done, so he doesn't really have a comment, but if he knew he'd tell me to stay away from them. He wouldn't understand, either. And you don't understand… Will doesn't understand, but he pretends to."

"But you try to witness to them, right?"

"Yeah, but I've kind of given up hope."

"You want some help?"

Joel smiled a little at Gordo. "You serious, man?"

Gordo shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, if they'll accept me and it's okay with you, I could hang out with you guys. If you get defensive… well, I could get defensive with you."

Joel laughed. "That'd be awesome. Only thing is, I mean, I'm not immune to peer pressure. I've done some things that I'm not proud of. I've had a couple cans of beer, done some illegal hacking stuff… I've never had sex, but I think I was pretty close to the line a couple times… I mean, they'll push you. I promise. I told myself a long time ago that they wouldn't affect me, and I wouldn't do anything morally wrong or anything, but when you're caught up in the heat of the moment… it's hard to resist."

"They won't push me with you there to cover my back. And you won't be pushed, either, with me there. We'll be each others' consciences when our own take a vacation."

"That's cool. I hereby welcome you into my "Trevor and Tom friends" group. Wipe your feet before entering."

Gordo laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Hey, wait, you wanna meet them?"

"What? Right now?"

"Sure. I mean, if you don't have plans."

"I guess I could spare you an hour, but no more. I have homework."

Joel nodded. "Sure. An hour." He nodded and started to leave the building with Gordo walking next to him, following his lead.

"So, where are we going?" Gordo asked.

"Strip club."

"What?!" Gordo demanded. Joel laughed.

"Gotcha. They'll be walking around town someplace… that's all we do half of the time. We hang out at someone's house or walk. Well, and party, but I don't usually go."

"How many of them are there?"

"Y'know, it's the strangest thing… I have no idea. I never noticed, and never counted. A handful of us, I guess. A rough estimate: 10-20?"

"10-20?"

"Maybe 15-20. I don't know. But we're rarely all together. Closest they get to that are the parties with almost all of them but me. Other times, when we just hang out, there's always 3-10 of us that aren't there. Doesn't really matter, though, except I guess it'd be nice to get together, all of us at once. But it never happens."

"Are they all going to paintball?"

Joel smiled. "Yeah. I guess that'll be the first time in awhile. And everyone's bringing their sisters and brothers and cousins and whatever; we're trying to get as many as possible."

"And how many are going?"

Joel winced. "Maybe 25."

"Do you know Ethan Craft?" Joel thought, then shook his head. "He's a freshman that went to my school. He might go."

"Ask 'im. Anyone else you can think of?"

"Lizzie's brother, Matt. Miranda has some cool cousins, but they might be in Mexico."

"Mexico? On vacation or something?"

"No, it's where they live."

"Ah."

"I forgot his name, but I met one of them once. We went on a Spanish gameshow."

"No kidding? That's awesome."

"But we had no idea what to do. We got separated from him, and he also was kind of our translator, so we were more than lost." Joel laughed.

"A Spanish gameshow," he said, shaking his head. "Gordo, you crack me up."

"Thanks. But it's true."

"I believe you." Joel paused, then pointed in the distance. "Look, there they are."

"They look like a gang or something. Big group of guys walking around the ghetto…"

"Yeah, they kinda do. But trust me, we aren't." They walked up to the guys and Joel said, "Hey, this is Gordo…"

A/N: Bad place to stop, I know, but I was gonna make Gordo's meeting with them a separate chapter. So… sorry.


	31. Hanging Out

Tuesday, September 16

Gordo received a warm welcome. "Gordo!" Trevor cheered. "You remember me?"

Gordo nodded. "Yeah."

"Don't scare him, okay?" Joel instructed. "I doubt you'll remember all the names, but I'll give 'em to you, anyways." He nodded to each of the guys as he said their names. "Trevor, of course, Alex, Marty, Jared, Mark, Steve, Dale… Brian."

_That's a lot of names,_ Gordo thought. He knew he wouldn't remember them all.

"And Chole," Marty put in.

"Who's Chole?" Joel asked.

"Alex's girl."

Joel looked over at Alex who had a half-naked woman attached to his arm. "And Chole," he mumbled.

"Hey, hey, show some respect," Alex snapped. Joel thought sarcastically, _Yeah, like you treat girls with respect_ but he didn't say anything to that. He didn't want to start a fight, especially not with Gordo there.

"Fine. I'm Joel," he said to Chole, "And this is my friend Gordo."

"Joel's a Christian," Dale informed her. Joel rolled his eyes, finding the information both random and unnecessary.

"I've never met a Christian before," Chole said.

"You're missing out."

"If they all look like you, then I'm sure I am."

Alex shot her a look. "Don't get like that," he told her.

"Aw, they're too uptight for me, anyways."

Joel looked at Gordo. "I told you they were stupid," he mumbled. "Just don't let their comments get to you. None of them are true; they just like to rip on people."

"You talking about me?" Alex demanded.

"No, I'm not that bored," Joel replied. The guys laughed. Alex glared at Joel but didn't say anything, because everyone else had taken it as a joke and he didn't. If he got mad, they would all be on Joel's side. The key to picking fights was to pick them with people who had no backup.

"Where's Tom?" Gordo asked Joel.

"Grounded for eternity," Brian answered for his younger friend. "He can't do anything. He says it's better than being in the hospital, but I say it still sucks."

"Maybe they'll let him out early for good behavior," Jared hoped.

"Five years _before_ eternity?"

"Why not?"

"Wait a minute," Joel said. "So he's grounded from the phone, too?"

"That's half of the punishment," Mark answered condescendingly. "Why?"

"Oh – nothing. He called me the other day, that's all."

"What'd he say?" Alex asked. Joel hesitated.

"He decided to chill out."

"What do you mean?"

"Well… he's not into it anymore."

"Not into _what_?" Alex pressed, in an almost threatening voice.

"The parties and stuff."

"What did you say to him?" Dale demanded, angry.

"Me? Nothing. He just called me up and told me that. I didn't convince him over the phone or anything, he just-"

"You better make me believe that within one minute or you'll be lying on the freeway," Alex threatened.

"I don't have to do anything. I'm just informing you guys…"

"I believe Joel," Marty stated. A few other guys agreed and Alex's glare lessened.

"You better be telling the truth."

"You just really want an excuse to fight me today, don't you?" Joel confirmed.

"Maybe you're just getting on my nerves."

"Maybe I always get on your nerves, and you get on mine. Maybe we just need to deal, huh?"

"Will you two shut up?" Trevor asked. "I'm so sick of this fighting."

"Me, too," Chole agreed. Alex softened when his girlfriend spoke.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Good," Marty said. "Now-"

"I'm hungry," Chole stated.

"Where do you want to go?" Alex asked her.

"Who cares?" Brian asked rhetorically.

"Hey, you treat this girl like a queen, got it? She wants anything, you hand it to her on a silver platter!" Alex's voice was softer when he turned back to Chole. "What do you want?"

"Somewhere we haven't been kicked out of yet."

"Let's just grab a burger somewhere fast," Trevor suggested.

"Whatever the girl wants," Brian mumbled. "I liked it more when Joelle was queen over us."

Joel turned his head to look at Brian. "Joelle? When did you ever meet her?"

"Yesterday. Brandon was doing the same thing Alex is, but Joelle was nicer about it."

"Brandon is dating Joelle?"

"Um, yeah."

"Since when?"

"A day or so after you guys broke up."

"How did you know we broke up?"

Brian laughed. "Are you kinda out of it today, man? She's _dating_ Brandon. Brandon's _dating_ her."

Joel didn't understand. How did she go from loving him, to breaking up with him, to dating one of his friends in less than a day?

"But-"

Marty patted him on the back. "It's okay, dude. We all have those days."

"No one ever told me that."

"That's because Joelle _used_ to date _you_, remember? So she is, therefore, trying to make sure you don't know for awhile so it's not such a big deal when you find out, so she therefore told Brandon not to say anything."

"What about you guys?"

"I just told you! Man, Joel, your brain is really wacked out today. You feeling all right?"

Joel shook his head. "So they've been dating for, like, a week or something?"

"Something."

"You guys shut up about Joelle?" Marty grumbled.

"Why don't you?" Joel replied. "This is important." He turned back to Brian. "What does she see in him?"

Brian shrugged. "I don't know. Whatever the rest see, I guess. She said she wanted a guy who could 'love' her."

"She picked the wrong guy."

"No kidding. Brandon'll love her for a few minutes, then once they sleep together, it's over. But, hey, I'm not one to judge…"

"Are they going to?"

"That's the generally assumed fact."

Joel breathed out heavily in an almost sigh-like manner, but it sounded more frustrated than anything. "He doesn't deserve her."

"You still like her?"

"Well… I respect her. She's cool, and she's nice. It's just… she's kinda lost right now. She doesn't know what she wants, and she's trying to find a guy that'll make her feel secure. Brandon is the last thing she needs right now."

"So you still like her," Brian stated.

"I like her as a friend."

"Yeah, sure."

"I do!"

"And…?"

Gordo didn't catch the conclusion of their conversation, as his listening was interrupted. One of the guys, though Gordo didn't remember his name, approached him in the group as they continued walking. He said, "So, you're kind of a strong and silent guy, huh?"

"W-what?"

"You don't talk much."

"Oh – no, I guess I haven't. I talk to people I know."

"You don't talk to Joel."

"He's kinda busy right now."

"Ah, yes. Did you ever meet Joelle?"

"Nope."

"She's hot."

"Oh."

The guy nodded. "Yeah. So, I'm Jared."

"Gordo."

Jared nodded. "So, whaddaya think of us? In a non-judgemental manner, of course."

Gordo smiled a little. "You guys are… interesting. Everyone always has something to say."

"Yeah, we all talk a lot. I guess it's because something's always happening."

"Nothing ever happens to me."

"Something just did; you got to hang around with us."

Gordo's smile grew. "Yeah." He was just beginning to think that this guy was okay, but then Jared pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"You smoke?" he asked. Gordo shook his head. "Ever tried?"

"No."

"Want one?"

"No thanks."

Jared smirked, pulled a cigarette out of the pack, put it in his mouth, and lit it. Gordo was in a little bit of shock, because he'd never seen anyone smoke before. He'd seen it on TV and things like that, but he'd never seen it in real life. Finally, he asked, "How long have you smoked?"

"Not long. Started up… maybe three months ago."

"D'you, you know, smoke anything else?"

"Nah, we're not big druggies."

"But you drink."

"Like a fish."

Joel turned from his conversation with Brian and said, "Jared, you're not intimidating him, are you?"

"Relax, dad, he's gonna be fine," Jared responded defensively. "I was just making some friendly conversation." He took the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaled.

"Is he bugging you?" Joel asked Gordo. Gordo shook his head.

"No, he's fine."

"Aw, lemme talk to him a little," Jared told Joel. "You get him all the time at your school."

"So?"

"So let me get to know this guy." Jared looked to Gordo. "You drink?"

Gordo was so surprised at the question that he almost didn't know how to respond. But, of course, the answer was obvious to him. "No."

"Ever had sex?"

"No."

"Ever do anything interesting?"

Gordo didn't know what to say to that. He had fun, if that was the question. Gordo enjoyed talking with Lizzie and Miranda, watching movies, and even playing a little basketball now and then (even though he wasn't the best at it). But he knew that those things were unlikely to impress Jared, so he wasn't sure what to say.

"Well…"

Jared laughed. "If you want, you can plead the Fifth."

"I plead the Fifth."

He laughed again, took a long drag on his cigarette, and then continued his "friendly conversation." "You have a girlfriend?"

"I think so."

"You _think_ so?"

"Yeah. Well, she's been my friend for awhile, and I don't exactly know when we crossed the line from friends to dating, but I think we're dating."

"Hey, Joel, I like this guy," Jared informed him. Joel nodded.

"I knew you would."

"What's her name?" Jared asked Gordo, turning back to him.

"Lizzie. McGuire."

Joel was unable to help catching the name, and entered himself in their talking. "Um, I thought you were going to the dance with Miranda?" he checked.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"There it is!" Jared declared proudly. "I knew there was some good in you; you're a player, huh?"

"No, not really."

"Aw, you're being modest."

"And _Lizzie_'s going to the dance with _Jake._" Joel told them.

Jared paused, confused, and asked, "Our Jake?"

Joel nodded. "Our Jake."

"The only thing that could make this better is if the girl Gordo's going with was Jake's girlfriend. What's her name?"

"Miranda. It's not her."

"Who's Jake's girlfriend?" Gordo asked.

"Andrea," both of the guys answered in near-unison.

Marty then entered the conversation as well. "Wait, wait, wait. So Jake, who has a girlfriend, is going with Lizzie, who has a boyfriend, who's going with a girl named Miranda?"

"And Lizzie, Gordo, and Miranda are friends," Joel added.

"Not after this dance!"

"So who are you going with, Joel?" Alex asked. Joel was a little surprised that Alex asked, but then he reminded himself that this was Alex's way of apologizing. His ego was too large to just come out and say he was sorry, so instead he would pretend to be interested in whatever the other person had to say. It was like he was saying "I know we had a fight, but we're still friends enough to talk to each other pleasantly."

"Not Joelle," Joel answered.

"Who, then?"

"I don't know… maybe I won't even go."

"Come to our party," Dale told him.

"Nah. Maybe I'll sleep."

"Sounds exhilarating."

"Oh, it will be," Joel answered with a smile.

"Prett, my man, you are in dire need of a life," Steve said casually.

"People with lives are always so busy. Me, I just sit on my couch and relax. Everyone's always rushing here and there, doing this and that, and I just sit there eating Doritos."

"Sounds like a life to me," Jared said.

"Me, too," Brian agreed.

Joel grinned. "Trust me, it's nice."


	32. Christian Now

Tuesday, September 16

"So where are we going to eat?" Steve asked either Alex or Chole.

"Don't know yet," Alex replied.

"It shouldn't be that hard of a question," Marty stated. "You two have been 'thinking' about it for practically an hour."

"Whatever she wants," Alex said.

"What if she doesn't care? Then we're never gonna get any food."

"Excuse me?" Chole cut in. "You _could_ talk to me directly."

"Well, I wasn't. I was talking to Alex."

"Fine," Alex said. "Where do _you_ wanna go?"

"I don't care."

"Then we're back to square one."

"Let's just forget it," Joel suggested.

"We're _not_ forgetting it," Alex replied firmly. "If she's hungry, we get something to eat. If she's bored, we go to a club. Got it? Whatever she wants, she gets." Chole looked like she approved of the law.

No one said anything after that. It was silent for a moment, then Alex got frustrated. "I'm not gonna kill you guys for having an opinion!" he said, sounding more angry than apologetic. "Everyone's so damn afraid of offending someone else that we can't even talk anymore!"

"Hey," Joel said. He didn't tolerate swearing. "Alex-"

Alex turned to him. "Man, shut up. You're half the problem."

"This is stupid. Let's just go somewhere, okay? It doesn't have to start a war."

"If you wouldn't be so conservative this stuff would sort itself out."

"I think I'm gonna go," Gordo told Joel quietly.

"Wait a sec," Joel replied. "I'll come with you. Just wait."

"No, Joel, I-"

"Just hang on." Joel looked back to Alex. "We always got along fine until sixth or seventh grade when you started 'maturing.' This stuff is not my fault. I didn't change, and you did. That's the only reason we can't talk anymore."

"If that's how you look at it, then it's your fault for _not_ changing," Alex replied. "You're not a sixth grader anymore, Joel. Do what you wanna do."

"I can't. Because I wanna be able to talk to you again, and you're always so touchy."

"_I'm_ touchy? You get mad when I say something you don't like, when I do something you don't like…"

"Maybe because it's wrong."

"Yeah? Well there's nothing you can do about it. You can't right all the wrongs in the world, Joel. You need to learn how to deal with it."

"See, I knew you wouldn't understand. You definition of 'dealing with it' is _becoming_ it; doing it. I can't. Because then I'm numb to it, and I'm nothing but…"

"But what?"

Joel wanted to say 'but you' but he couldn't. He knew that those words would start a fight. "But worldly," he finally decided.

"Worldly?"

"I knew you wouldn't understand. I'm gonna walk with Gordo home, and I guess I'll talk to you guys later." He turned to Gordo. "C'mon," he said. Then the two broke off from the group. Joel heard Alex complain loudly about him as they walked away, but he tried to ignore him.

"Alex is kind of a jerk, huh?" Gordo asked as soon as they were out of ear-shot.

"He just doesn't understand. He's a nice guy – he'd jump in front of a car for me – but he clings to all of this worldly stuff. He's just blind."

"A nice, blind guy."

"I wish I could make him see. I guess we just think differently, and that's why we fight so much. Seems like every time I hang out with the guys it ends in me walking away from a fight. He's right: we can't talk anymore."

"Do you fight with the other guys?"

"Surprisingly, no. They all agree with Alex, but they keep it to themselves because they don't want to start a fight. With Alex, he doesn't want to start a fight most of the time, he just thinks that he should be able to say what he wants to say. I guess it's a fair thing to think."

"Maybe he _should_ be able to say what he thinks."

"Yeah, he should, but the way he presents it is what's offending. And, I mean, I try not to snap at him, but he always takes it personal."

"Yeah."

"Sometimes he's just in a mood to pick fights. When I'm not around, he goes for random people, but if I'm there it's always me. Always."

"Do you ever have fun when he's around?"

"Sure we do. We aren't fighting constantly… we talk about other things."

"Like what?"

"Things we agree on. Sometimes cars, sports, certain movies… music if we're feeling risky."

"I've never seen anyone smoke before."

Joel smiled. "Oh, yeah, Jared. He's not so bad, but I guess he looked that way from your eyes, huh? You just live a sheltered life, that's all. You see people smoking around here all the time."

"Do the other guys smoke?"

"Not most of 'em, but some. But they're mostly just Irish; they like their beer." There were a few moments of silence as Gordo nodded. Then Joel spoke up. "But really, about Alex, he was probably the most comforting person when my mom died. He's a nice guy deep down."

"Alex was there for you?"

Joel nodded. "Always will be. We've been through so much – deaths, mostly – and it's really strengthened our relationship, no matter how much we fight."

"I can't believe all the people you've known who are dead. I don't know anyone my age that's died."

"Really? I've known 9 who were friends of mine. Jason was the most recent."

"Ouch. That does a lot of wear and tear on the spirit, doesn't it?"

"Not if you have firm foundation." Joel smiled a little at Gordo. "I'm not immune to sadness; I'm human, after all. But God's made things a whole lot easier for me. I know He's always there. Trevor and the guys… they're there for me when they feel like being there for me. I guess it works both ways, and I'm usually not always there for them, either, but that's okay. We're all human. They can't be there for me all the time, and I can't do that for them. Only God can."

"I understand."

"Hey, you're Christian now, right?" Gordo nodded. "Have you told your parents yet?"

Gordo took in a deep breath. "No, I've kind of been putting that off. I'm too scared."

"Why? They're not like Muslims where they disown you if you convert, are they? I don't know a whole lot about Jews."

"No, they wouldn't disown me. It's just… if you told your dad that you decided to be a Buddhist, what would he think?"

Joel smiled. "He'd probably beat me till I came to my senses."

Gordo nodded. "Don't joke; that might happen to me." Joel laughed.

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

"I'm not so much worried about the yelling or anything, because it'll just be yelling. They would never lay a hand on me, and I know that. They'd probably just yell. The thing I'm worried about is our relationship after I tell them. How will they treat me? My brother already looks at me like I'm a traitor."

"But your brother's in Texas, right?"

"Well, now he is, but I'm gonna see him again sometime."

Joel nodded. "I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't. I've gone through a lot of things in my life, but the one thing I've never done is told my parents that I don't follow their religion. I have zero experience in that field."

"Well, if I live through it, I'll let you know how it went."

Joel smirked. "I'll pray for you."


	33. Relationships

Wednesday, September 17

It was Wednesday. There were only a few more days until the dance, and Joel still didn't have a date. That wasn't what bothered him, though. He felt so strange when he thought of Joelle dating Brandon. He knew Brandon would try something with her… he also knew that Joelle was a virgin, but she might agree to giving herself if she was pressured. Brandon was the master of pressure.

Joel sought out Joelle that morning because he was so worried about her. He really liked her, maybe in more of a friend way than anything else. She had probably been his favorite girlfriend. When he found her, he opened casually.

"Hey, Joelle," he said. "Haven't talked to you in awhile."

She looked over at him. "So… why are you talking to me now?"

Her comment would have hurt, except Joel had a mission and he was determined to focus only on that. "Because we haven't in awhile. Why, what's wrong with that?"

"You're my ex-boyfriend and I'm your ex-girlfriend."

"So? Can't we still be friends?"

"That never works, Joel. When I broke up with you, I basically forgot about you."

"I thought you loved me."

"I did, but I don't anymore."

Joel didn't roll his eyes because he didn't want to be offending, but he wanted to. If she had loved him, she wouldn't be able to forget about him like that. It was obvious that her "love" wasn't true. But that wasn't his point that he needed to make to her, so he needed to put that in the past and focus on his mission.

"Well, then, do you have another guy yet?"

Joelle looked down. "N-no…"

Joel smiled a little. She was so cute when she tried to lie, but she'd always been bad at it. "I heard you were dating Brandon."

"Brandon?"

"Yeah. But, I guess that could be just some crazy rumor…" He looked at her with a hard, interrogating stare. She couldn't look back up at him.

"Did he tell you that?"

"No. Someone else did. Is it true?"

"It might be."

"Come on, Joelle, give me a straight answer."

"Fine. Brandon's my boyfriend now. Happy?"

Actually, Joel was a little bit happy. He'd partly achieved his goal; establishing that she was dating Brandon. Now he only needed to convince her that she shouldn't be, and everything would be fine.

"What made you want to date him?" Joel asked her. She looked back up at him.

"He loves me."

Joel sighed. "Joelle, he doesn't love you. He doesn't love any of his girlfriends, believe me. If he loved them, he would respect them in a way that he sure doesn't. Trust me, I've seen it. I've been his friend for eight years; I know this guy."

"He's never kissed you like he's kissed me. Hopefully, he's never kissed you at all."

Joel raised his eyebrows. "No, he hasn't."

"Good."

"So… what, your point is that he loves you because he kissed you?"

"No, it's that I felt something in that kiss. He loves me."

"No, Joelle. That's was nothing but your emotions getting in the way. It wasn't love, it was excitement. If you try to _not_ like him, you won't like him. If it was really love, you'd try and try and try, but you wouldn't be able to do it. Or, that's my theory."

"And this coming from the guy who doesn't love?"

"You don't love, either; you just don't know it."

"If I don't know, how can you even pretend to know?"

"Because you have all of these emotions clouding your mind, and I don't."

Joelle sighed. "Maybe you're right, okay? But maybe you're wrong. All I know is that I need a guy who's there for me, and Brandon does that. So he's my boyfriend. If you have a problem with that, then you just have to deal with it."

"Joelle, I know what's going on with you. You want security and you're trying to get it from the male sex. Trust me, all guys are dogs. He'll ditch you, and so will probably everyone else in this life, _especially_ all of your boyfriends. You really think that Brandon's the one you'll grow up to marry?"

"Maybe not, but I need him right now."

"What happens when you break up, then? How much wear and tear will that do on your heart?"

Joelle once again stared at the ground, not wanting to say anything, or even give Joel a look. "Joelle?" Seconds later, the bell rang and she darted away from him. Joel sighed.

"She hates me," he muttered. "She hates me and thinks she loves Brandon. She has it all wrong." Joel was the one that really cared about Joelle. Who knew why Brandon even pretended to like her? He'd always gone for girls who were a little more slutty than Joelle, and usually older ones, too. Maybe he was dating Joelle for the simple reason that she was Joel's ex. Or, there was even a chance that he really liked her. The only problem with that was that he still didn't know how to show that he liked someone, even if it was true. So even if he really cared about her, he would still try to push her because that was all he knew. That was all any of the guys knew. If you like someone, you have sex with them. If you really like them, you do it again. Over and over week after week until finally you get sick of them, break up, and find someone else. It was an endless cycle.

Joel wondered if the guys ever got sick of it. If they ever woke up and thought to themselves, "This is so stupid. When is this gonna end?" Tom did. He wondered to himself why he was doing the things he was doing, and realized that he didn't have a real reason. That was why he'd decided to quit. That was what made him change his mind – a few questions. If only Alex would question himself like that. If only Brandon or Marty or Neil or Steve would do that.

Neil wasn't too bad. He would get drunk with a clear conscience, among other things, but not as much as the rest of them. Neil had interests in things other than girls and beer. He really enjoyed cars, which was why he enjoyed his job changing oil at a nearby car shop. He wanted to grow up to do something with cars. That was what separated him from Alex. Neil had something he was working for; he had a goal. All Alex cared about was having fun, which wasn't necessarily bad, depending on how he chose to have fun. In his case, however, it was bad. His 'fun' was usually things that were either illegal or, at least, something morally wrong.

_Why did God curse us with relationships?_ Joel wondered. _They're just one big pothole. They're so much work, and they require you to make decisions about people. Why can't everyone just be friends?_ Joel realized that he was thinking of some kind of Utopia as he walked to his first class. Or was he? Heaven was Utopia, wasn't it? Were there relationships in heaven? If there were, they couldn't be bad. They sure seemed that way to Joel, though. He hated his relationships with Alex, Brandon, Jake, and Joelle. He'd screwed them all up somewhere along the line. Even his dad and Daphne. His dad thought that they were pals, but that was only because he didn't know about all the things Joel hid from him. Joel didn't tell him about all the things he'd done, because he didn't want his dad to look at him differently. And Daphne… well, she was hopeless. She liked Joel for about the first two or three days, until they got in an argument. Ever since, she'd never warmed back up to him.

Relationships were so delicate. If you made one mistake, they were never the same. They would break. Like other things, they could be glued or taped or melted back together, but they would never be as strong. If you were really close friends with someone, but then someone betrayed someone else's trust, they would never be as close as they used to be. The harmed one, even if they forgave the other person, would never fully trust the other again. And the forgiven one would forevermore feel a twinge of guilt, even after reconciliation. They would never have the same relationship again.

_God knows we aren't perfect, so why does He give us such delicate things that require us to be?_ Joel continued wondering. He sat down in his seat and continued thinking until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and smiled when he saw Chris.

"Sup?" Chris greeted.

"Not a whole lot, I guess. Joelle's dating Brandon."

"Wow, kind of a shocker, huh?"

"Yeah."

"How's Neil's car?"

Joel smiled. "It's good. He pulled it into my driveway last night. Pretty cool."

"I bet he won't let you do anything to it, though."

Joel shook his head. "Nope. I convinced him to let me change the oil, but I'm paying him ten bucks."

Chris laughed. "_You're_ paying _him_ to change the oil?"

Joel shrugged. "I just wanna touch the thing."

"Well, I guess that's one way."

"Hey, Will?"

"What?"

"Thanks. Whenever I have something heavy on my mind, or I'm in a bad mood, you always come along and know exactly what to bring up to make me feel better."

"Don't mention it."


	34. Anna

Wednesday, September 17

Tom was in his room thinking. He knew already that the guys were wrong in much of the stuff they did, but he was over that now. His next concern was if Christianity was the way to go. His family had never been much of a religious one, but he did have an aunt and uncle who were Christians. He was just thinking about Christianity when there was a knock at his door.

"Yeah?" he asked. Then his sister Anna came in.

"Tom," she began. "I don't like your friends."

"I know."

"No, Tom, I really don't like them. That Steve guy was a real jerk."

"I know that, too."

"Then why are you friends with them? You don't act like that, do you, Tom? Tell me that when you're around them you still don't act like them."

Tom sighed. "Sometimes."

"I'm so disappointed in you."

"Yeah, yeah. That's what mom always says."

"I thought you were better than that."

"I know."

"Are you even listening to me?" she demanded.

" 'Course I'm listening. Sometimes I act like them, okay?"

Anna sat down on his bed next to him. Even Tom had to admit that she was a little pretty, with her wet-looking, uneven brown hair falling straight down over her shoulders, and her innocent greenish-blue eyes. "Tom, I love you. And, well… I can't stand thinking that you are a jerk around them. Don't act like that, okay?"

"Anna, I'm seventeen years old. I can handle my friends."

"But Tom-"

"Anyways, you know Joel? The Christian? He's kinda rubbing off on me, anyways. I'm kind of undergoing a mental change right now."

"Can't you just be normal? Not a jerk, not a Christian, just some… some nice guy off the streets?"

"That's probably what I'll end up being. Why did you come in here, Ann?"

Anna looked down. "I'm afraid of Steve."

"You are?"

She nodded. "The way he was looking at me the other day…"

"Did he try anything with you?"

"Of course not. He probably knows you'd kill him. But… he sure seemed like he wanted to."

"What did he do?"

Anna shook her head. "Nothing, I just don't like him. That's all."

"What did he do?" Tom repeated, trying very hard to keep his voice even.

"He started by asking me stuff like if I was a virgin. Then he… he started saying stuff…"

"Stuff like what?"

Anna's eyes filled with tears. "No one's ever talked to me like that before," she sobbed. Tom put his arms around her in a protective hug.

"Anna, what did he say?"

She shook her head that was on his shoulder. "I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I can't repeat it. I don't want to repeat it. I wish I could just forget it."

"Did he say sexual stuff to you?"

She nodded and sniffed. "Yes."

Anna cried in Tom's arms for about ten minutes, when he finally said, "Ann, I've never done that to any girl."

"But, Tom, have you ever had sex?"

Tom sighed. "Twice." He couldn't lie to his little sister… especially not when she was crying in his arms.

"Have you ever pressured her to do it with you?"

Tom shook his head. "The first time she pressured me, the second it was kind of mutual."

"But you're no different than him." Anna pulled out of his arms and wiped her cheeks with her hands. "I'm disappointed in you, and I really don't like your friends. Get rid of them, Tom."

"I can't. We've been friends for such a long time…"

"Maybe it's time to clean out your room and get rid of the junk that you've had since forever. Let them go."

"No. We all might as well be frat brothers, we're all so close. I would never ditch them, and they'd never ditch me."

"You'd rather keep your word than keep your morals."

"Keeping my word is _part_ of keeping morals. They don't have to be opposites." Anna bit her lip and shook her head and Tom said, "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Or say something when he was doing this?"

"You were in your room hanging out with your friends. What was I supposed to do? Scream? They'd all agree with him, anyways."

"But he just said stuff, right? He didn't _do_ anything?"

She shook her head. "No, he didn't do anything. But I know one thing: I'm never letting a guy in my room again."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have trusted him alone with you."

"Y'know, your choices change my life? You don't think they do, but they do." Anna then left his room.

Tom sighed and laid down on his bed. Anna had a way of making him feel guilty. Maybe it was because she was the youngest, and he always thought that he needed to give her extra care because of that. It wasn't that he liked her over Jill, because he didn't. It was just that Jill already had a future. She didn't need anyone's help. She was the resident valedictorian star basketball player. She already had a career lined up for herself at sixteen. But Anna was so young and naïve in Tom's eyes. She'd always be his baby sister.

Holding his sister as she cried about what his friend did to her did something to his heart. He couldn't bear to think of her in an uncomfortable situation that he'd created, and he felt so guilty for it. The thing that really cut him deep was that she said he was no different than Steve. If he were a Christian, Tom would have forgiveness from the only One that matters. But Tom was not, and a person is never guilt-free without forgiveness.


	35. The Nerve

Wednesday, September 17

_You were meant to live large,_

_C'mon, take charge._

_Let's go light the world up._

_Let's not wait until the end_

_To be the things we wish we'd been._

_You were meant to live life,_

_C'mon let's fly._

_You're a super trouper spotlight._

_We're gonna jump on the count of three._

_Here it comes now:_

_One, two, three, jump!_

Gordo shook his head as he listened to the Superchic[k lyrics. "I can't do it," he told himself. "I just can't do it." He was trying to work up enough guts to tell his parents that he'd converted, but it was just too hard. He was trying to find assurance from the CDs Joel had given him. Earthsuit didn't do anything for him; how was he supposed to find comfort from something he didn't understand? Superchic[k was a lot more understandable, but they mostly sang about not worrying about what other people thought. Things like popularity and being unique, which weren't bad things, but they weren't what Gordo needed right now.

He pressed the skip button a few times, trying to find a song that could help him.

_Help me out, God._

_I need a little somethin.'_

_Turn the brights on,_

_I can't see where we're going._

_Cause I don't know when_

_Things'll work out just fine._

_Or if this road leads us up,_

_Fear it's leadin' me on down to my wishin' well_

_Where I might drown, oh, I might drown._

_'Cause I can't swim without you, God._

Gordo listened to the rest of this one, talking about asking God for help because without him we can't do anything. _I can't swim without you, God. I can't stand without you, God. I can't hope without you, God._ Or, for Gordo, the words could read _I can't tell without you, God._ Then Gordo said a prayer asking God for strength. He'd never stood up to his parents before. _Just enough for today, get me through till tomorrow. Just enough for today, get me through till tomorrow._ Gordo also prayed these lyrics. When the song ended, he wrapped up his prayer and tried to decide if he felt better.

He didn't.

"Hello?" he asked God. "Where are you? What, you only answer in your own time? We did this before. I got mad because you were ignoring me. Took me half an hour of shouting to get you to come back. What's wrong, you can't hear me?" Gordo was frustrated. God seemed like more of a brat than anything else. A brat that said things like "I'll answer when I wanna answer." But Gordo wanted something _now._ He wanted to tell his parents _now_ and get it over with.

"I'm not going to start yelling again," Gordo said. "It was bad when I did that. I shouldn't have. And I'm sorry for it, okay? I just… well, I know You're there, I just don't know _when_ you're there. Are you still listening?" Nothing happened.

Gordo groaned and reached for the phone. If God wasn't going to encourage him, someone else would, he figured. Should he call Joel? No, he was at work. What about Chris? Gordo looked his number up in the student directory and called his house. He answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, this is Gordo. Chris?"

"That's me."

"Well, I need some help. I'm trying to get enough guts to tell my parents that I converted, but I can't do it. I tried praying, but… I don't know, maybe God's taking a coffee break."

He heard Chris chuckle on the other line. "You don't believe that, do you?"

"Well, I'm talking to Him and He's ignoring me. What am I supposed to think?"

"Gordo, Gordo, Gordo. So young, so naïve. You have a few things to learn. First of all, God doesn't speak in a loud booming voice like He does on TV in Hollywood. He does things His own way, and, I believe, is even different for every person. He may talk to me through dreams, and you through the Bible. You really need to listen. And, even when we listen sometimes, it feels like He doesn't answer. But that's okay, because He shouldn't always have to. Sometimes we know what to do, and we don't need him to tell us because we already know."

"No, I know what to do, it's just that it's hard. I was hoping He could lend me a little strength."

Chris laughed again. "Maybe He wants you to realize that the strength is in _you._ Sometimes God asks us to step up to the plate. I, personally, hate those times, but you gotta do 'em. It's like when you're teaching a baby to walk. You have a little sister, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"So your mom's teaching her how to walk, and she stands her up on her feet and slowly takes her hands away. Your little sister, if she could talk fluently, would probably say something like, 'Uh, mom, will you put those hands around my waist?' And your mom just kinda smiles and doesn't do anything. She wants your sister to learn how to do it by herself."

Gordo sighed. "But I don't want to."

"I know. Neither do I. There are lots of times when God calls me to step up to the plate; sometimes I make Him proud, sometimes I give up. But no matter what, He still loves you. Even though your sister sits down on the floor and refuses to learn how to walk, your mom still loves her."

"I suppose I can't just skip this?"

"You suppose right. Your sister's thinking 'Can't I just get by without learning how to walk?' Well, the answer's no. You'll have to do it sooner or later. She's gonna have to learn sooner or later. What, is she gonna be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life? Is that what _you_ want? To be in a spiritual wheelchair until you do this thing?"

"That's not what I want," Gordo admitted.

"Good. Go get 'em, Tiger."

Gordo laughed. "I'm probably gonna have to call you or Joel pretty often, till I get the hang of this Christian thing."

"Naw, you'll learn how to walk eventually. Just go to church; it'll help."

"Okay."

"So are you gonna do it?"

Gordo looked at his door, knowing that his parents were on the other side. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to. "Just give me a little time to work up my nerve. I'll do it later."

"Don't do that. You'll never do it, then."

"Tomorrow. I promise."

"All right."

"Or maybe after the dance."

"Hey, you said tomorrow. Don't change the rules."

"No, but-"

"You're answering God's call tomorrow after school, and that's that. I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Thanks, Chris."

"Anytime."


End file.
